(485,2,'2021-03-08 00:00:19','2021-03-08 05:00:19','[caption id=\"attachment_490\" align=\"alignleft\" width=\"300\"]<a href=\"https://eqleader.net/px/DrDanaAckley-CultivatingThought.jpg\"><img class=\"wp-image-490 size-medium\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Dana-Blog-Photo-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"Dr. Dana Ackley holds up a cup from Chipotle which reads &quot;Cultivating thought&quot;\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" /></a> Dr. Dana Ackley[/caption]\n\n<b>by Dana C. Ackley, Ph.D.</b>\n\n<b><i>The EQ Coaching Blog </i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">is </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">an interactive forum where readers can learn and share stories about EQ coaching, explore new ways to integrate EQ coaching into their work, and discover the role EQ coaching can play in creating organizational change. It is also a place where chief learning officers and others responsible for learning development in their organizations can come to learn more about EQ coaching, and exchange ideas about what works.</span></i>\n\n<b>Why do we need another blog?</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Many people interested in leadership development either have blogs of their own or post excellent material for leaders on social media. This blog will </span><b><i>not</i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> duplicate those efforts. This is a “how to” blog, written not for leaders, but for those devoted to leader development.</span>\n\n<b>Why now?</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> 2020 was an awful year. We couldn’t wait for it to end! But nothing changes simply because the calendar turns a page. To make things better, we need to act. Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, humanizes the world, its organizations, and its leaders. This blog is devoted to empowering us to take positive EQ action, enabling leaders and their organizations to do the same.</span>\n\n<b>Why EQ?</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> It is our job to help leaders succeed. Leaders succeed by helping others succeed. Several thousand studies done over the past several years demonstrate that EQ skills facilitate success. And given our times, it is important to note that EQ skills are antidotes to the hatred, divisiveness, and loneliness that characterized 2020. When we help leaders develop EQ skills, we create a “megaphone” effect. What good leaders model, followers follow. Ours is work that justifies the hope that 2021 will be better than 2020.</span>\n\n<b>Why Interactive? </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To get the job done, we need all the help we can get, especially from each other. Effective leadership development is a complex process. Involving colleagues as thought partners can only make us better. As more coaches, consultants, and HR professionals add effective methods of EQ skill development to their tool kits, more and more leaders and their followers will learn these humanizing skills.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some coaches may worry: “Help my competitors? Are you crazy?”</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is natural for us to want to safeguard our livelihoods. But as you have probably experienced in other forums, helping our colleagues usually leads to our being helped as well. As American economist Mark J. Perry notes, competition breeds competence. And in some ways, competition actually breeds business.  As more people are able to have something good, such as better EQ, and then talk about it, more people see the benefits, and want it. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is a reciprocal relationship between supply and demand. Each encourages the other, as long as what is supplied has actual value. Coaching for EQ skill building has the value of creating success. Success creates more demand for that coaching, making room for more of us to provide it. And companies that offer development opportunities that create success attract high talent people and keep them.</span>\n\n<b>Our Market: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With that in mind, let’s engage in abundance thinking rather than scarcity thinking. Scarcity thinking stimulates the brain to look for threat. It worries: “There’s not enough to go around!” Abundance thinking recognizes that we have pretty much endless opportunities.  Abundance thinking lowers anxiety and leads us to be more human with each other.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But let’s not just be “pie-in-the-sky”.  Let’s look at some data. The average Fortune 500 company has 60,629 employees. Let’s say that about 700, or a little over 1% of those employees, are senior executives. 700 executives times 500 companies equals 350,000 executives. How many coaches would it take to serve that population? A lot! And that population is constantly changing, with people coming and going, which means that the real number is well north of 350,000.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But wait, there</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">’</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">s more! We haven’t even talked about the Fortune 1000 companies. And then there are the thousands upon thousands of smaller companies that also need and buy EQ services. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And why stop at the top leader level? There are models for delivering EQ services all the way down to front line supervisors. Then there are literally millions of doctors, lawyers, dentists, and other professionals who need EQ coaching and consultation.  A colleague of mine works only with lawyers. He regularly vacations in the South of France. He seems to be doing OK.</span>\n\n<b>Bottom Line: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">EQ skills are needed. We can deliver them, whether we are external coaches, internal coaches, or are charged with finding the best source of leader development for our organizations. Let’s work together to make good things happen.</span>\n\n<b>Process:</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Every two weeks, I’ll post an entry. I’ll share my thoughts and experiences relating to integrating EQ into coaching, as well as looking at broader coaching and development issues. As a blog participant, you will be able to read, reply, support, challenge, share stories, ask questions, disagree, get advice, or speak to other topics entirely. In fact, go ahead and start now. What do you think?</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For a look at my credentials, please visit: </span><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><a href=\"https://eqleader.net/about-dr-ackley/\">https://eqleader.net/about-dr-ackley/</a></strong></span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span>\n\n<hr />\n\nIf you’d like to be notified when a new blog entry is posted, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><a href=\"https://forms.gle/JoF5HsHi2wNDGrzb9\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">click here</a></strong></span> to sign up.','Introducing The EQ Coaching Blog','','publish','open','open','','introducing-the-eq-coaching-blog','','','2021-03-08 00:00:19','2021-03-08 05:00:19','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=485',0,'post','',0),(490,1,'2021-01-03 20:56:40','2021-01-04 01:56:40','','Dr. Dana Ackley','Dr. Dana Ackley','inherit','open','closed','','dana-blog-photo','','','2021-01-03 20:56:40','2021-01-04 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06:31:52','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/tools.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(525,1,'2021-02-06 01:34:48','2021-02-06 06:34:48','','Goal','','inherit','open','closed','','goal-2','','','2021-02-06 01:34:48','2021-02-06 06:34:48','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/Goal-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(534,1,'2021-02-19 19:16:08','2021-02-20 00:16:08','','DanaAckley-Consultations','','inherit','open','closed','','danaackley-consultations','','','2021-02-19 19:16:08','2021-02-20 00:16:08','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/DanaAckley-Consultations.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(546,1,'2021-02-25 18:33:16','2021-02-25 23:33:16','','EQ Running Man','','inherit','open','closed','','eq-running-man-cleaned-up-transparent','','','2021-02-25 18:33:16','2021-02-25 23:33:16','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/EQ-Running-Man-Cleaned-up-Transparent.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(615,1,'2021-03-17 05:25:44','2021-03-17 09:25:44','','FB icon','','inherit','open','closed','','fb-icon','','','2021-03-17 05:25:44','2021-03-17 09:25:44','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/FB-icon.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(616,1,'2021-03-17 05:25:47','2021-03-17 09:25:47','','LinkedIn icon','','inherit','open','closed','','linkedin-icon','','','2021-03-17 05:25:47','2021-03-17 09:25:47','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/LinkedIn-icon.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(617,1,'2021-03-17 05:25:48','2021-03-17 09:25:48','','Pinterest icon','','inherit','open','closed','','pinterest-icon','','','2021-03-17 05:25:48','2021-03-17 09:25:48','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Pinterest-icon.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(618,1,'2021-03-17 05:25:49','2021-03-17 09:25:49','','Twitter icon','','inherit','open','closed','','twitter-icon','','','2021-03-17 05:25:49','2021-03-17 09:25:49','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/Twitter-icon.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(620,1,'2021-03-22 22:15:43','2021-03-23 02:15:43','','instagram','','inherit','open','closed','','instagram','','','2021-03-22 22:15:43','2021-03-23 02:15:43','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/instagram.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(623,2,'2021-04-05 08:00:09','2021-04-05 12:00:09','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might think that EQ executive coaching is simply a method for building EQ skills in leaders. But it goes deeper than that. EQ skills aren’t taught or practiced in a vacuum. EQ Coaching is an integration of EQ skill building into the broader context of executive coaching, which means that we deal with all of the topics that executives deal with. Let’s take a look at two of those topics: 1) influencing and 2) negotiating.</span>\n<ul>\n 	<li aria-level=\"1\"><b><i>Influencing: </i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leaders must be able to influence their followers if they want them to unite behind a shared vision willingly and enthusiastically. As Ken Blanchard says, \"The key to successful leadership today is influence, not authority.\" John (not his real name) needed to get</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">his team to make a dramatic shift away from their comfortable and familiar set of goals to a very different destination. This shift involved a whole new way of thinking and doing. Big changes like this always generate considerable anxiety for followers. Anxiety frequently leads them to resist the change. Sure enough, John’s first efforts ran smack dab into anxiety and resistance. </span></li>\n</ul>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"size-medium wp-image-626 alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/leader-influencing-followers-300x199.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"199\" />As John and I discussed this challenge, I shared with him the fact that one of the most powerful factors in a leader’s ability to influence is not IQ (John is brilliant), nor content expertise (which he has in spades). While both of those factors matter, influence is directly proportional to the </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">quality of the relationship</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> the leader has with followers. Relationships lead to trust, and trust leads to influence.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">John had some work to do on his relationship skills, and he needed to apply those skills to his relationships with team members. Those relationships weren’t awful, but they were not strong enough to overcome the anxiety involved in the change John was leading. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Coaching first focused on looking at issues that made building relationships difficult for John. He had been shy growing up, and came to associate relationships with anxiety. To lower anxiety, he got busy learning other things, and he never worked much at learning how to relate to others. (Fortunately, in spite of that, he did have a couple of positive relationships that he could use as models.) </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Next, I gave John the exercises for building interpersonal relationships from my EQ Leader Program manual, so that he had ways to practice in his real work world. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally, we talked specifically about how to apply his growing relationship skills and insights to the relationships he had with the members of his team. The team appreciated his efforts, even though those efforts were sometimes clumsy. It was the effort that they appreciated and that made them like him more. They came to trust him, and got behind his brilliant plan.</span>\n<ul>\n 	<li aria-level=\"1\"><b>Negotiating: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leaders have to negotiate many things - business deals, getting resources from their higher ups, getting cooperation from their peers, etc. Sally (not </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">her</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> real name either), a senior leader in a large company, needed to negotiate with a peer who ran a unit that interacted with Sally’s unit on critical issues. Cooperation between the two units on those issues often went poorly. As Sally described the situation, I helped her see that negotiating a win/win outcome is based on the EQ skills of empathy and assertiveness. Empathy is the skill we use to discover what the “other side” needs to win. Assertiveness is a </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">non-threatening</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> skill we can use to let the “other side” know what </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">we</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> need to win. (Don’t confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness, which would be threatening indeed!) Otherwise, it is all guesswork.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sally’s previous approach had been to argue the merits of her case and then get frustrated when she felt she wasn’t listened to. Sometimes she gave up (passivity), and sometimes she threatened (aggressiveness). These “strategies” got uniformly poor results. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"size-medium wp-image-627 alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/two-peers-consulting-300x199.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"199\" />I encouraged Sally to use empathy as a first step. In other words, listen and care. Be emotionally invested in her peer’s (not adversary’s) success. Find out what that peer’s</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">unit really needed from Sally’s to be successful. With some exercise-based practice, Sally upped her empathy skills. Then she went to her peer to really listen. She did well. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because Sally listened to peer, her peer was now predisposed to hear what Sally needed. (There is a law of behavior that says, “We get what we give.”) Sally, feeling calmer and more</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">encouraged by the progress thus far, was able to explain in </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">non-threatening</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> terms what she needed from her peer’s unit. (As preparation for that step, we had her work on some of the EQ Leader Program assertiveness exercises.) Doing so gave her both confidence and skill. The outcome was that the two units began to cooperate with each other much more, thanks both to a better understanding of what each side really needed and to the good feelings that come with successful collaboration.</span>\n\n<b>Summary: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">EQ skills are powerful tools that create success for executives. EQ Coaches help their clients apply those skills to real issues that their clients face. Because clients have a chance to practice EQ skills in their real work world, and because doing so gets results, clients retain the progress they make and use those skills in the next set of challenges.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I imagine you’ve had some challenges and successes with your clients along these lines. I’d love it if you shared them with us!</span>\n\n<hr />\n\nIf you’d like to be notified when a new blog entry is posted, <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><a href=\"https://forms.gle/JoF5HsHi2wNDGrzb9\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">click here</a></strong></span> to sign up.','What is EQ Coaching?','','publish','open','open','','what-is-eq-coaching','','','2021-04-05 08:00:09','2021-04-05 12:00:09','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=623',0,'post','',0),(626,1,'2021-03-27 19:22:41','2021-03-27 23:22:41','','leader influencing followers','','inherit','open','closed','','leader-influencing-followers','','','2021-03-27 19:22:41','2021-03-27 23:22:41','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/leader-influencing-followers.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(627,1,'2021-03-27 19:22:47','2021-03-27 23:22:47','','two peers consulting','','inherit','open','closed','','two-peers-consulting','','','2021-03-27 19:22:47','2021-03-27 23:22:47','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/two-peers-consulting.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(645,2,'2021-04-19 08:00:04','2021-04-19 12:00:04','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our blog is devoted to helping executive coaches, and the organizations that use their services, to succeed. For our purposes, “succeed” means this: </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Executives will achieve sustainable behavior change that transforms and improves their leadership skills. </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People want to follow high EQ leaders. </span>\n\n<b><i>Ignore Mother Nature at Your Peril.</i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"size-medium wp-image-647 alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/1-lightning-300x177.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"177\" />To achieve sustainable behavior change, the relevant laws, or principles, of psychological science regarding learning must be understood and followed. Otherwise, you will swim upstream and get disappointing results. These principles of learning have been bred into human beings since the dawn of time. And remember: Mother Nature always wins. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fortunately, once understood, these principles are easy to follow. In this post, and the next one, we’ll talk about how you can apply the ten principles to your leader development program. This post describes the first five principles. The next post will describe the other five. (For extended discussions of these topics, please see the </span><a href=\"https://eqleader.net/flipbook/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><b><i>EQ Leader Program</i></b><b><i>2.0</i></b></a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, page 7 ff.)</span>\n\n<b>Principle One: </b><b>Clearly define the goal(s) of the program</b><b>.</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stephen Covey was right when he said “Begin with the end in mind.” Development programs can be complicated, making it easy to get caught up in details, necessary as they are. When you carefully establish your goals, the decisions you make about execution details become much clearer. <img class=\"size-full wp-image-648 alignright\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/2-goals.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"283\" height=\"199\" /></span>\n\n<b>TIP: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I’ve had great success defining goals by asking client organizations, “When we’ve finished, what will make you say, ‘That was worth our investment of time, money, and effort!’?” Different organizations have different answers. Some examples include:</span>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our high potential leaders will be ready for the next level of responsibility when we need them. We’ll feel good about our succession plan!</span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our senior leadership team will be able to work together to overcome barriers to our organization’s growth. Thanks to them, we’ll be able to get past our stuck points and expand the way we’ve wanted to!</span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our mid-level leaders will be better able to lead front line supervisors, rather than just managing them.</span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our leaders will have learned to coach and develop their direct reports.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<b>Principle Two: </b><b>Motivated Participation</b><b><i>. </i></b>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a company says to its leaders, “We’d like you to take part in this leadership program we’ve planned,” folks show up, sure. But unless we win their hearts and minds, i.e., unless we are able to get people excited about learning, nothing sustainable happens. Lasting and meaningful behavior change is hard. Think about times you have dieted, quit a vice, or mastered a complex skill. How many false starts were there? Leadership program participants face the same challenges. High motivation is an essential element.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Winning hearts and minds means that participants shift . . . </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: being there because the boss said so, </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To:</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“I’m involved because I want to be.” </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you want to win hearts and minds, the first step is to answer participants’ question: “What’s in this for me? How will this program of learning help me?” Next, select presenters and coaches who have high EQ themselves. Having EQ skills means that they can engage their audience and get people excited about what the program can offer. These two factors can create sufficient motivation for participants to want to take the next steps.</span>\n\n<b>IDEA</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: CLOs can contribute to the success of the program by avoiding coercion. Consider taking the position that: </span>\n<ol>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is a performance bar that must be met. </span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The organization is happy to provide developmental experiences that will support meeting the bar. </span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If someone opts out of those experiences, no problem. </span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But they are still held to the performance bar. </span></li>\n</ol>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When people have the freedom to choose, they almost always do the right thing.</span>\n\n<b>Principle Three: </b><b>Participants Need Privacy</b><b>.</b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span></i>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I was negotiating an extensive development program with a client organization. As we were about to finalize our agreement, the Senior VP of HR informed me that she would want access to participants’ individual EQ assessment results. <img class=\"size-medium wp-image-649 alignright\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/3-privacy-300x127.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"127\" /></span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“Gulp!”</span>\n\n<b>SOLUTION:</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Fortunately, she was reasonable. What she really wanted was to know whether their company’s selection process had identified those with the highest potential. When I helped her realize that not providing privacy would undermine the development goal of the program, she changed her mind. </span>\n\n<b>FACT ABOUT ASSESSMENTS: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If participants know that assessment results are to be shared with superiors, most will be less candid, leading to inaccurate assessments. Inaccurate assessments lead to poor development planning.</span>\n\n<b>FACT ABOUT COACHING: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If participants worry that the sensitive information that they share with their coach will be repeated to management, participants will be hesitant to share. Learning will be minimal. Substantial learning requires the risk of vulnerability.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But the HR director had a legitimate need. I suggested that a much better indicator of potential would be to watch performance as participants went through our year long program. Who showed growth? Who stayed stuck in old patterns? That would tell her what she needed to know about future selection processes and future promotions.</span>\n\n<b>BE ON THE LOOKOUT</b><b>: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a future blog, we’ll look at how coaches can have joint meetings with clients and their managers in ways that preserve necessary privacy while allowing meaningful communication and input from the manager.</span>\n\n<b>Principle Four: </b><b>Tailor the Program to Individual Needs</b><b>.</b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span></i>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recently, there has been increasing recognition of the importance of empathy in leaders. As important as empathy is, sending everybody to Empathy School is a one size fits all approach that doesn’t work. First, some executives already have well developed empathy skills, but have other development needs that would get ignored. Second, different roles require different skill sets. You wouldn’t send your CFO to a workshop designed to boost engineering skills.  </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"size-medium wp-image-650 alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/4-tailor-made-300x185.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"185\" />Development must be tailored to focus on issues that are relevant to busy executives. An EQ assessment can identify which EQ skills are critical development opportunities for each participant. Given that there are sixteen different EQ skills, each participant is likely to have his or her own set of priorities. A good assessment debrief process can help executives identify, accept, and really own what they need to have as their focus, enhancing their motivation to engage in the process.</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span>\n\n<b>Principle Five: </b><b>Provide tools for change</b><b>. </b>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many leaders know that they </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">should </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">change. The barrier is that they don’t know </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">to change! If they knew how,<img class=\"size-full wp-image-651 alignright\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/5-tools.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"205\" height=\"158\" /> they would have done so. That’s where coaches come in. As coaches, we are experts in change methodologies that our clients have not discovered, because they’ve been busy learning and getting good at other things.</span>\n\n<i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Example: </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A man’s EQ assessment came back basically saying that he was a quart low in Assertiveness. His response? “No kidding. I knew that!  I need to know what to do about it!” His managers had told him more than once about this deficit. When he didn’t change, they thought he didn’t care. They were wrong. He cared very much.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fortunately, there are proven methods to help people build Assertiveness and other EQ skills. For example, the EQ Leader Program</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2.0</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has eleven field tested exercises that help people who are too passive, or too aggressive, to learn how to be assertive. </span>\n\n<b>Summary:</b> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Follow these five principles, and the five in our next blog post, and you simply can’t miss. Your program will deliver outstanding results.</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span>','Obey Nature\'s Laws - Part One','','publish','open','open','','obey-nature','','','2021-04-19 08:00:04','2021-04-19 12:00:04','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=645',0,'post','',1),(647,1,'2021-04-16 20:28:33','2021-04-17 00:28:33','','1-lightning','','inherit','open','closed','','1-lightning','','','2021-04-16 20:28:33','2021-04-17 00:28:33','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/1-lightning.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(648,1,'2021-04-16 20:28:39','2021-04-17 00:28:39','','2-goals','','inherit','open','closed','','2-goals','','','2021-04-16 20:28:39','2021-04-17 00:28:39','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/2-goals.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(649,1,'2021-04-16 20:28:43','2021-04-17 00:28:43','','3-privacy','','inherit','open','closed','','3-privacy','','','2021-04-16 20:28:43','2021-04-17 00:28:43','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/3-privacy.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(650,1,'2021-04-16 20:28:47','2021-04-17 00:28:47','','4-tailor made','','inherit','open','closed','','4-tailor-made','','','2021-04-16 20:28:47','2021-04-17 00:28:47','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/4-tailor-made.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(651,1,'2021-04-16 20:28:49','2021-04-17 00:28:49','','5-tools','','inherit','open','closed','','5-tools','','','2021-04-16 20:28:49','2021-04-17 00:28:49','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/04/5-tools.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(659,1,'2021-05-05 00:17:15','2021-05-05 04:17:15','','A86F9241-FFF1-4DFD-9ED3-2C54BDF9D651','','inherit','open','closed','','a86f9241-fff1-4dfd-9ed3-2c54bdf9d651','','','2021-05-05 00:17:15','2021-05-05 04:17:15','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/A86F9241-FFF1-4DFD-9ED3-2C54BDF9D651.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(660,1,'2021-05-05 00:17:20','2021-05-05 04:17:20','','3BDE1A98-6D62-4284-BF1B-46709FD8BD9F','','inherit','open','closed','','3bde1a98-6d62-4284-bf1b-46709fd8bd9f','','','2021-05-05 00:17:20','2021-05-05 04:17:20','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/3BDE1A98-6D62-4284-BF1B-46709FD8BD9F.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(661,1,'2021-05-05 00:17:22','2021-05-05 04:17:22','','241894BB-92BE-42A6-9F45-9A012356C025','','inherit','open','closed','','241894bb-92be-42a6-9f45-9a012356c025','','','2021-05-05 00:17:22','2021-05-05 04:17:22','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/241894BB-92BE-42A6-9F45-9A012356C025.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(662,1,'2021-05-05 00:17:24','2021-05-05 04:17:24','','6DDEBBA5-BD58-4035-8100-E02AF5C71FA0','','inherit','open','closed','','6ddebba5-bd58-4035-8100-e02af5c71fa0','','','2021-05-05 00:17:24','2021-05-05 04:17:24','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/6DDEBBA5-BD58-4035-8100-E02AF5C71FA0.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(663,1,'2021-05-05 00:17:25','2021-05-05 04:17:25','','5068806B-2550-4068-B8A0-07FE3A18472A','','inherit','open','closed','','5068806b-2550-4068-b8a0-07fe3a18472a','','','2021-05-05 00:17:25','2021-05-05 04:17:25','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/5068806B-2550-4068-B8A0-07FE3A18472A.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(664,1,'2021-05-05 00:17:27','2021-05-05 04:17:27','','ECB8879E-F80E-4A1C-ADC8-813892F8B3D8','','inherit','open','closed','','ecb8879e-f80e-4a1c-adc8-813892f8b3d8','','','2021-05-05 00:17:27','2021-05-05 04:17:27','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/ECB8879E-F80E-4A1C-ADC8-813892F8B3D8.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(665,2,'2021-05-05 08:00:37','2021-05-05 12:00:37','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember this</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">from our previous post: to achieve success, work with Mother Nature, don’t fight her. She always wins. (That’s us, riding on her shoulders.) This <img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-663\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/5068806B-2550-4068-B8A0-07FE3A18472A.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"230\" height=\"154\" />is why we designed our </span><a href=\"https://eqleader.net/flipbook/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><b><i>EQ Leader Program </i></b><b><i>2.0</i></b></span></a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> around the</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ten principles that psychological science has repeatedly demonstrated are required for sustained impact of training and coaching programs. If you know the principles, you can do the same for your work. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Our previous post (<strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https://eqleader.net/obey-nature/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">April 19, 2021</a></span></strong>) described the first five principles. Today we will share six through ten. </span>\n\n<b>Principle Six: </b><b>A good</b> <b>relationship is essential</b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span></i>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Research is clear that the most critical element for creating lasting behavior change is the relationship between the client and the coach. Why? You, the coach, are essentially asking your clients to step off a cliff. You are asking them to give up behaviors that have had at least some utility<img class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-661\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/241894BB-92BE-42A6-9F45-9A012356C025.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"299\" height=\"187\" /> for them (or they never would have been adopted in the first place) for behaviors that you promise will be better. What would make them believe you? Ahh, you think, “I’ll just explain it to them. My logic will be unassailable.” Logic is essential, but it’s not sufficient. By and large, as much as we’d like to believe otherwise, people make emotional decisions, not logical ones. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Therefore, you must build a relationship in ways that lead people to trust you and want to believe you emotionally. There are four elements that build such trust: </span>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Genuine interest in your client’s success</span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Warmth</span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional support, i.e., caring without owning</span></li>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tactful confrontation – the ability to tell people what they don’t want to hear in ways that allow them to accept and use the information</span></li>\n</ul>\n<b>Principle Seven: </b><b>Grow, don’t fix</b> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">  </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might be tempted to use a coaching program to save people who are failing in their jobs. That is a well-intended fool’s errand. It almost never works. When it fails, these people still lose their jobs and your reputation takes a major hit, often fatal. People who are seriously failing in their jobs need a different job, one that fits their skills. Frankly, it is a kindness to force the issue. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-660\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/3BDE1A98-6D62-4284-BF1B-46709FD8BD9F.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"204\" height=\"130\" />An effective coaching program, which requires a meaningful investment of time, money, and effort, should be reserved for the winners in your organization. These are the folks who are already successful in many ways, and who, by their current level of success, have shown you their potential for growth. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The philosophy of investing in successful leaders has another benefit. It shows them that you care about their success to the point of being willing to make a serious investment in them. It helps overcome a natural worry that high achievers often have about where they “really stand” with the company. If they have the impression that your coaching program is “where they send the bad kids,” they will avoid it at all costs. </span>\n\n<b>Principle Eight: </b><b>Focus on thoughts and feelings as well as behavior</b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span></i>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While we’ve defined success as sustainable behavior change, development programs that focus only on behavior fail. We talk about behavior because that’s the <img class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-662\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/6DDEBBA5-BD58-4035-8100-E02AF5C71FA0.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"246\" height=\"137\" />part of the person we can see. Don’t be fooled. Thoughts and feelings are essential to behavior change. The behavior you can see is driven both by the way someone thinks and by the emotions they bring to a situation. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here’s an example: You </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">could </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">have a course on empathy. In that course, you could teach participants the behaviors associated with empathy, i.e., make eye contact, let people talk, ask how the other person feels, and so forth. But if the </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">emotion</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> the participant brings is </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">disinterest</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, the behaviors you teach will fall flat. The true feeling of disinterest will show through. If the participant </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">thinks</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that other people are basically stupid, he or she won’t be able to sustain interest in what they are saying. Therefore, in teaching empathy, it will be essential to understand and work with the emotions and ways of thinking that your participant brings to the situation. </span>\n\n<b>Principle Nine: </b><b>Tackle Issues that Are Important to Participants</b>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For you to win genuine engagement from participants, they have to see WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?). Otherwise, why would very busy people take the time<img class=\"alignright size-full wp-image-659\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/A86F9241-FFF1-4DFD-9ED3-2C54BDF9D651.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"299\" height=\"176\" /> and effort required by a </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">serious development program? WIIFMs will be different for different people. Many would like to build skills that will make them more promotable. Others might recognize that they need to do a better job leading their team. Still others may need to improve their ability to work through others, i.e., delegation and empowerment. Stronger EQ skills contribute to these and many other issues that are top of mind for executives. A good EQ assessment and interview can help identify which issues matter to which individuals. That information can then be used to tailor coaching to achieve important goals. When participants can see that coaching can help them get what they want, they do the work.</span>\n\n<b>Principle Ten: </b><b>Remember the Organization</b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span></i>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As much as I like working with EQ, EQ development is a means to an end, never the goal itself. EQ development, or any other tool, is always in service of <img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-664\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/ECB8879E-F80E-4A1C-ADC8-813892F8B3D8-300x132.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"132\" />something the organization needs, and has asked for. For example, if the organization needs to change the fundamental ways that it succeeds (which happens more often than you may think), EQ development coaching might be in service of creating the kind of flexibility in thinking and behavior required for such a massive shift. Or, if the organization needs to prepare people to step into more senior roles, EQ development is in service of succession planning. Each organization will have its own needs.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your program must serve the organization’s goals and strategies. Otherwise, it is a wasted effort. Worse, you risk taking participants down a wrong road that may torpedo their standing in the company, as well as your own. </span>\n\n<b>Summary: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Follow the ten principles described in this and our previous post, and you simply can’t miss. You will deliver outstanding results.</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Future posts will bring all of these principles to life. </span>','Obey Nature’s Laws - Part Two','','publish','open','open','','obey-natures-laws-part-two','','','2021-05-05 08:00:37','2021-05-05 12:00:37','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=665',0,'post','',0),(674,2,'2021-05-17 08:00:34','2021-05-17 12:00:34','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Workshops can be a boon or a fatal error. In this post, we’ll look at how to ensure that your workshops succeed, whether you are the presenter or the person in your organization who is charged with providing effective development. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First, some history: Daniel Goleman’s first book on EQ, published in 1995, created a lot of excitement. Before long, every consultant with a pulse had developed an EQ workshop. Companies bought them by the truck load. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft size-medium wp-image-676\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/lecture-3986809_1920-blog-post-5-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" />Just one teeny tiny little problem. Almost no one’s EQ improved in response to these workshops. Companies were investing billions, with nothing to show for it. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why? The workshop model can work well for intellectual mastery, but not behavioral mastery, especially mastery of soft skills like EQ. So those early workshops probably did an excellent job of introducing the concept of EQ, and maybe even convincing people that it would be great to have some. But workshops don’t have the capacity to provide behavioral practice in the participant’s real work world, nor can they provide the feedback needed for ongoing learning. As a result, the half-life of such workshops is only about twenty-one days. Over that short period of time, attendees of those early workshops gradually returned to their original default behaviors. No lasting change occurred. Without positive changes in behavior,</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">EQ was in danger of being relegated to “the flavor of the month” ash-heap.  </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are a coach or consultant, you want to achieve lasting impact. If you are a Chief Learning Officer, you want to provide programs that can deliver sustainable growth for your organization’s leaders. Either way, you don’t want your program to be cast into the ash heap reserved for poor outcomes. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But don’t give up on workshops. Workshops have their place. The secret is knowing what workshops can and cannot do. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leader development programs that create behavioral mastery have four components: an introductory workshop, individual skill set assessment, development planning, and coaching.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Today, let’s talk about the workshop itself, an often necessary but never sufficient component of a successful leader development program</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Successful EQ workshops don’t just deliver information. Their key mission is to win the hearts and minds of participants, preparing them to engage willingly and even eagerly in a science-based behavior change process. Participants leave wanting more. We find that they almost always agree to the next step, an EQ assessment. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do successful workshops win hearts and minds?</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It’s simple. First, they</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">make sure to speak to participants’ issues of urgent concern</span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Are you a workshop leader? If so, your first step is to discover what your participants care about. Different participants, and participants in different organizations, will have different concerns. One group I worked with needed to upgrade the coaching they did with their subordinates. Members of a group in another company were being groomed for top jobs. A third group needed to better communicate among themselves. The CLOs who hired me did a great job in helping me know what my audiences needed. Our job as presenters is to link EQ development to such concerns. Fortunately, those links exist. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At a general level, you can trust that each participant wants to succeed. Therefore, show participants data that links EQ skills to success. There are thousands of such studies to choose from. Select studies that speak to things like promotions, coaching subordinates, and so forth. Also include studies from their industry or profession. Doing so will go a long way toward helping</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">participants feel that you understand them. Include exercises that allow participants to see for themselves what using EQ skills on problems they are wrestling with right then can do for them.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A second element needed to win hearts and minds is presenter EQ. Information on EQ/success has to be shared in emotionally intelligent ways. Here are two examples:</span>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Use empathy. Care genuinely about your participants’ success. Don’t say that you care. </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Actually</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> care. If you are a CLO and have to choose a presenter, consider how possible vendors strike you emotionally. Which one seems to be interested in your success, and the success of your company? Such caring is likely to transfer over into caring for the people in the workshop.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Successful presenters build relationships with participants during the workshop. How</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">can you do that? Be someone participants want to spend time with. Be friendly, be curious about their goals, and listen well. Present your material in a conversational tone. Have a sense of humor. Humor signals safety, which enhances learning and engagement. If you’re a CLO, these are qualities to look for in a presenter. Even if someone has impeccable academic credentials, if you get bored talking with them, try someone else.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Armed with these pointers, you are ready to design your own successful EQ Workshop. If you don’t have time, the </span><b><i>EQ Leader Program</i></b><b><i>2.0</i></b> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">(</span><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/</a></strong></span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">)</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has sample workshops designed to win hearts and minds. They include PowerPoints with relevant data on EQ and success as well as engaging exercises that participants report enjoying. As a result, 100% of participants (so far) have opted to take the next step in our program. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In later blog posts we’ll address the other necessary components of a successful EQ development program for leaders.</span>','The Secret to EQ Workshop Success','','publish','open','open','','the-secret-to-eq-workshop-success','','','2021-05-17 08:00:34','2021-05-17 12:00:34','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=674',0,'post','',0),(676,1,'2021-05-13 16:57:52','2021-05-13 20:57:52','','lecture-3986809_1920 -blog post 5','','inherit','open','closed','','lecture-3986809_1920-blog-post-5','','','2021-05-13 16:57:52','2021-05-13 20:57:52','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/lecture-3986809_1920-blog-post-5.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(691,1,'2021-05-16 17:10:02','2021-05-16 21:10:02','','EQL Blog - SignIn Agreement','','inherit','open','closed','','eql-blog-signin-agreement','','','2021-05-16 17:10:02','2021-05-16 21:10:02','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/EQL-Blog-SignIn-Agreement.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(693,1,'2021-05-16 17:10:14','2021-05-16 21:10:14','','EQL Blog Sign-In 02','','inherit','open','closed','','eql-blog-sign-in-02','','','2021-05-16 17:10:14','2021-05-16 21:10:14','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/EQL-Blog-Sign-In-02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(694,1,'2021-05-16 17:10:17','2021-05-16 21:10:17','','EQL Blog Sign-In','','inherit','open','closed','','eql-blog-sign-in','','','2021-05-16 17:10:17','2021-05-16 21:10:17','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/EQL-Blog-Sign-In.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(701,1,'2021-05-16 17:27:30','2021-05-16 21:27:30','','EQL Blog FB Access','','inherit','open','closed','','eql-blog-fb-access','','','2021-05-16 17:27:30','2021-05-16 21:27:30','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/EQL-Blog-FB-Access.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(709,2,'2021-06-01 08:00:21','2021-06-01 12:00:21','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These days, leaders who are asked to participate in EQ workshops are far less resistant to the idea of EQ than they were when I started the EQ Leader Program in 2004. The value of EQ has become largely accepted by most leaders in the executive ranks, though in truth, </span><b><i>many people want “that other guy” to get some EQ, conveniently overlooking their own gaps.</i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> I bet you have stories to tell that would back this up!</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No matter how brilliant coaches, trainers, and development programs may be, participants will resist the changes requested. They will resist them even when they </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">want </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">to change. This blog post talks about some ways to partner with participants to overcome that resistance. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"wp-image-718  alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/stop1.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"96\" height=\"96\" />Resistance is a part of every learning process. Don’t take it personally. It’s just the way we human beings are. Plan for it. You may even feel some resistance as you read this post.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While today it is relatively easy to get leaders into an introductory EQ workshop, that’s not the ultimate goal. We need to win their engagement in the process of building </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">their own</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> EQ skills. Among other things, that means overcoming some predictable forms of resistance.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One common resistance arises out of the fear of emotions themselves. Such fear is seen in many cultures. Helping your participants understand the value and function of emotion goes a long way toward winning their engagement. Information is an antidote to fear. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-717 \" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/mot.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"255\" height=\"227\" />Here’s a start: “Motivation” is a meaningful word for the people who fill leadership ranks. If you link motivation and emotion, you will have gained significant ground. Fortunately, it is easy to do. </span>\n\n<b>Mot</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ivation, e</span><b>mot</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ion, and </span><b>mot</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ion all come from the Latin root “mot,” which means “move.” Emotions move us to do something. If we are not moved, we do nothing.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Second, people are resistant to emotions because they are afraid that emotions will be disruptive. It’s true. Emotions </span><b>can </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">be disruptive, and all of us have at least some experiences that show that. Our task is to help participants see the other side, the ways in which emotions can be facilitative. For example, a robotic leader, an automaton, is not an inspiring leader. Appropriately expressed passion for a goal inspires passion (and motivation) in followers. Genuine appreciation for a job well done helps sustain passion and motivation.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Third, emotions are critical to decision making, something that executives have to do every day. Daniel Goleman, in his ground breaking first book on EQ, tells the story of a brilliant attorney who developed brain cancer. </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fortunately, his surgeon was able to remove the cancer. Not so fortunately, the operation left the attorney without access to his emotions. He was still brilliant, able to argue every side of any issue. But he couldn’t make a decision. Why? Decisions require that we care about one thing more than other things. Because this attorney no longer knew what mattered to him, he couldn’t tip the scales. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here’s a useful workshop exercise: Tell the lawyer story. Then say: “Think about a major decision that you made. You probably analyzed the pros and cons of each option carefully. Now notice which factors mattered to you, the ones that were more important than others. How did they guide your decision making? Without knowing what you care about, decisions become arbitrary, and often</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">wrong.” This exercise helps people see for themselves how emotions can help enable their success, or, where people are unaware of their emotions, trip them up. Emotional Self Awareness is an essential skill!</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally, as we mentioned in Blog Post #4, attention to thoughts and feelings are indispensable to behavior change. The behavior you see is driven both by the way that person thinks and by the emotions they bring to a situation. Learning more about emotions, rather than denying them, can lead to better outcomes. Decision making and behavior change are both served by emotions that fit the task, which can be encouraged by thinking about a situation in new ways. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-716 \" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Albert-Einstein.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"224\" height=\"158\" />Albert Einstein, a guy whose intellect wasn’t too shabby, once said: “We should take care not to make the intellect our god. It has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. It cannot lead. It can only serve.”</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So educating people about emotions is a start to overcoming resistance. But it’s not enough.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People who have risen to the executive ranks often feel that, “if I ain’t broke, don’t fix me.” They are often afraid to fiddle with the formula that got them where they are. They prefer to believe that if something isn’t working, it’s somebody else’s fault, or the fault of the system. Their fear leads to resistance. The antidote to this fear is hope, hope for an even stronger performance based on integrating emotions into their strong intellect.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And finally, which may surprise you, the people around your clients who want your clients to change will throw roadblocks up to discourage the change they say they want. That’s because when your client changes, the people around your client will have to change in response. Warn your clients about this phenomenon, letting them know not to take it personally.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So resistance is natural, it’s everywhere, and it can throw a monkey wrench into your efforts. It’s a pretty important topic to consider. Having some plans in place to deal with it before you start is good defense. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This blog is growing a community of professionals responsible for helping leaders grow and learn. Help us all out by sharing your own stories of client resistance, and, if you can, share strategies of overcoming resistance that you have used. Or share where you’ve been stuck. Maybe our community will have ideas that will help.</span>','Overcoming Resistance to Change','','publish','open','open','','overcoming-resistance-to-change','','','2021-06-01 08:00:21','2021-06-01 12:00:21','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=709',0,'post','',0),(711,1,'2021-05-22 23:13:02','2021-05-23 03:13:02','','einstein','','inherit','open','closed','','einstein','','','2021-05-22 23:13:02','2021-05-23 03:13:02','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/einstein.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(712,1,'2021-05-22 23:13:08','2021-05-23 03:13:08','','motivation','','inherit','open','closed','','motivation','','','2021-05-22 23:13:08','2021-05-23 03:13:08','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/motivation.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(713,1,'2021-05-22 23:13:12','2021-05-23 03:13:12','','STOP','','inherit','open','closed','','stop','','','2021-05-22 23:13:12','2021-05-23 03:13:12','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/STOP.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(716,1,'2021-06-01 19:48:44','2021-06-01 23:48:44','','Albert-Einstein','','inherit','open','closed','','albert-einstein','','','2021-06-01 19:48:44','2021-06-01 23:48:44','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/Albert-Einstein.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(717,1,'2021-06-01 19:48:48','2021-06-01 23:48:48','','mot','','inherit','open','closed','','mot','','','2021-06-01 19:48:48','2021-06-01 23:48:48','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/mot.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(718,1,'2021-06-01 19:48:51','2021-06-01 23:48:51','','stop1','','inherit','open','closed','','stop1','','','2021-06-01 19:48:51','2021-06-01 23:48:51','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/stop1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(725,2,'2021-06-14 08:00:44','2021-06-14 12:00:44','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A coaching client asked me one of those “right way” questions the other day. (I get them often.) In this case, he wanted to know the right way to lead his team. He worried that he would do it “wrong” and mess things up. Experienced coaches know that there are many right ways to lead a team. There are many right ways to do most of the complex tasks that are given to high performers. They don’t give jobs with simple answers to senior people.  </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, as we talked, my client recognized that there were many good ways he could approach his leadership task. Factors we considered in deciding which ways might work best included his personality, the personalities of his direct reports, the mission of his team, the culture of his organization, and the interests of the various stakeholders, among others. He developed a well-reasoned approach, which included the option of changing that approach as the team grew and evolved.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what if he hadn’t had a coach to help him think through his situation? He might have stayed stuck in his search for the one “right way.” His anxiety over “getting it wrong” would likely have gone up. High anxiety constricts intellectual focus. Thus, he would have been in danger of looking at only a small number of the critical variables he needed to consider. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Coaches get these kinds of questions all the time. How come? What leads really smart, sophisticated people to think in such immature (as in six-year-old thinking!) and intellectually limiting terms? Blame it on our first-grade teachers. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"wp-image-729 alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/first-grade-teacher.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"298\" height=\"188\" />Take yourself back to </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">your</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> first grade. The problems that you were given as a first grader had one right answer. Two and two make four.  That’s just all there is to it. When you raised your hand and answered “Four!” what happened? Your teacher smiled at you and said, “Right!” It felt great! The same thing happened to your clients when they were in first grade. Who wouldn’t want to repeat that experience?! On the other hand, when you got something wrong, after waving your hand insistently so that your teacher would call on you, the potential for shame and fear of that happening again grew.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What was the long term impact? Most of us developed a mental model, i.e., a way of thinking, that there is one right answer to problems, and that wrong answers are punished, not rewarded. We were young and impressionable, ripe for learning mental models. Today, intellectually, you know better. You likely call on more complex mental models most of the time, as do our clients. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what happens when the pressure is high, and anxiety goes up? We tend to revert back to early stages of our development, often first grade thinking. The<img class=\"alignright wp-image-727\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/brain.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"170\" height=\"170\" /> brain facilitates that process. Anxiety uses glucose at a high level. To conserve fuel for all of the myriad tasks that the brain has to manage (thinking, managing biological processes like breathing, and scouring the environment for unexpected threats), it seeks simplicity. There is nothing simpler than a problem with one right answer. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a leader is with his or her coach at a time like this, the coach can do what I did, help that leader think with complexity. But we are not always around. Many leaders don’t have a coach. What can they do then?</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\" wp-image-728 alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/How-am-I-feeling.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"415\" height=\"259\" />Emotional Self-Awareness is a lifeline here. While that initial jolt of anxiety is likely to be intellectually limiting, the leader doesn’t have to stay in that space. If he or she recognizes anxiety for what it is, that is, notices the emotion of anxiety, it can be used as a signal to avoid falling prey to first grade thinking. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the intelligent use of emotion. One manifestation of EQ is recognizing our emotions (Emotional Self-Awareness – one of the sixteen learnable skills) and making a judgement as to whether a particular emotion is helping or hindering. If we see that our current emotion is getting in our way, we can ask ourselves, “What emotion would serve me better?” </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leaders who are facing a complex leadership challenge might want to take steps to lower their anxiety, not to zero, but to a moderate level. (Moderate anxiety actually facilitates high performance.) Maybe that leader could think something like: “This is a tough challenge. But I’ve faced several difficult leadership challenges successfully, which tells me I can probably handle this one. Now let’s see  . . . .”</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are proven methods for building Emotional Self Awareness. For example, the </span><b><i>EQ Leader Program</i></b><b><i>2.0</i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has a menu of exercises which leaders across the world have used to do so.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By the way, let’s not be too hard on first grade teachers. They are doing their job (and aren’t paid nearly enough to do it). That early model served us well at the time. But, the first grade is just one step in a life time learning process. If we are growing, we will develop new models at each stage of development, continuing to reassess those models as we move forward.  I’m reminded of Einstein’s quote: “The problems we face today arise from the solutions to problems we faced yesterday.” </span>\n\n<b>Discussion Question for Coaches: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Please share a time when you helped a client move from right/wrong thinking to creative or critical thinking to solve a complex problem. </span>\n\n<b>Discussion Question for CLOs: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do you look for in development programs to build creative or complex thinking? </span>','“What Is the Right Way to . . . ?”','','publish','open','open','','what-is-the-right-way-to','','','2021-06-14 08:00:44','2021-06-14 12:00:44','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=725',0,'post','',0),(727,1,'2021-06-07 14:42:54','2021-06-07 18:42:54','','brain','','inherit','open','closed','','brain','','','2021-06-07 14:42:54','2021-06-07 18:42:54','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/brain.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(728,1,'2021-06-07 14:43:02','2021-06-07 18:43:02','','How am I feeling','','inherit','open','closed','','how-am-i-feeling','','','2021-06-07 14:43:02','2021-06-07 18:43:02','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/How-am-I-feeling.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(729,1,'2021-06-07 14:43:10','2021-06-07 18:43:10','','first grade teacher','','inherit','open','closed','','first-grade-teacher','','','2021-06-07 14:43:10','2021-06-07 18:43:10','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/first-grade-teacher.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(745,1,'2021-06-20 22:48:54','2021-06-21 02:48:54','','YouTube','','inherit','open','closed','','youtube-2','','','2021-06-20 22:48:54','2021-06-21 02:48:54','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/YouTube.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(748,2,'2021-06-28 08:00:05','2021-06-28 12:00:05','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Empathy is essential, both for leaders and for Diversity, Equality, and Inclusiveness (DEI)</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">initiatives. The </span><b>Fall 2020 CLO Symposium</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> had a number of excellent presentations that focused on and extolled the value of Empathy. If you have a chance, it would be worth your while to view the recordings, at </span><a href=\"https://www.chieflearningofficer.com/videos/?utm_source=ActiveCampaign&amp;utm_medium=email&amp;utm_content=Chief+Learning+Officer+s+Most-Read+Stories+of+2020&amp;utm_campaign=CIR_CLO_Weekly+Digest_123020_Hourly\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Videos - Chief Learning Officer - CLO Media</span></a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But, paradoxically, focusing only on Empathy is likely to reduce the actual </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">practice</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of Empathy. So, though the discussions were excellent, as an EQ professional I found two things missing. </span>\n<ol>\n 	<li><b>Attention to the way other EQ (Emotional Intelligence) skills impact the use of Empathy</b><i></i></li>\n</ol>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-754\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/EQ-Dice-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"268\" height=\"187\" />Some presentations left the impression that Empathy and EQ are synonymous. They are not. As important as Empathy is, EQ is much broader, comprised of sixteen different skills. Empathy is just one of them, and it doesn’t stand alone. Focusing only on Empathy is like riding a three-legged horse. You might get somewhere, but not as well, not as comfortably, and not as fast. To illustrate, let’s look at how two other EQ skills impact whether and how someone uses Empathy.</span>\n\n<i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional Self Awareness (ESA)</span></i><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Empathy is about tuning in to others people’s feelings. ESA is about tuning in to our</span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> own </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">feelings. What does ESA have to do with Empathy you ask? The answer: A lot. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First, it can alert us to times when Empathy is needed. Our own emotional reactions give us insight into our interactions with others that we might otherwise miss. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, imagine that you are having a conversation with a colleague, perhaps a conversation that you initially believe to be casual. But you begin to feel <img class=\"alignright wp-image-755\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/conversation-with-colleague-ESA-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"296\" height=\"197\" /> discomfort, and realize that something is “amiss.” Noticing your emotional discomfort can alert you to the need to slow down, and “turn on” your Empathy. Essentially, your ESA would prompt you to think, “Wait a minute. I have a feeling that there’s more to this conversation than meets the eye (or ear!). I need to better understand what this person is really saying.” (The Clueless, i.e., people with low ESA, would continue the conversation cheerfully and bid the person goodbye, never realizing that they had passed up an opportunity to be helpful and caring.) Many of the leaders I’ve coached had well developed Empathy, but they didn’t use it effectively at times, because their ESA was weak, and needed work. Had coaching focused only on Empathy with these clients, and stopped there, results would have been mediocre.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-757\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/biases.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"395\" height=\"197\" />Second, ESA is essential for successful DEI initiatives. Tuning in to our own feelings, especially those that may be difficult to acknowledge, can alert us to our own unconscious biases. We’ve all got some. Such biases usually arise out of the primitive part of our brains, shaped by evolution through tens of thousands of generations, and can derail the best laid DEI plans. Reacting at first on the basis of these primitive biases is a universal human reaction, one that requires the more sophisticated parts of our brains, where EQ resides, to overcome. We need to recognize when these biases have allowed us to be influenced by someone’s skin color, gender, or whatever, rather than by their ideas and other aspects of their humanity. If we don’t, they will continue to operate without our knowledge or permission, manipulating our behavior like the unseen hand inside a sock puppet. Getting past them to being truly empathic will be difficult, if not impossible.</span>\n\n<i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self Regard</span></i><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: </span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Well-developed Self Regard creates an inner sense of strength and safety. When we feel strong, we can devote less energy to protecting ourselves and spend that energy caring about the well-being of others. I have seen many leaders become much more empathic when they felt more confident about themselves and their place in the world. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How does this play out in DEI initiatives? People with power, often “straight white guys,” may constrain the number of </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">people they have to compete with for <img class=\"alignright wp-image-753\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/straight-white-guys.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"312\" height=\"151\" /> jobs by limiting the field to other “straight white guys.” Take out women, people of color, and LGBTQ people, and they’ve been able to reduce competitors by half or more. While this is often done unconsciously (another example of the need for ESA), the impact on those not “in the club” is the same as if it were being done consciously. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">DEI initiatives strive to open the playing field to everyone with the requisite job skills, regardless of race, gender, sexual orientation/identity, or ethnicity. Strong Self Regard allows people to be comfortable competing on a level playing field, not just one that is stacked in their favor. </span>\n\n<b>2) Attention to Skill Development</b>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While the CLO Symposium presenters did an outstanding job of identifying the importance of Empathy, there was little attention paid to how one actually helps executives develop that skill and the supporting skills necessary for it to blossom. </span>\n\n[caption id=\"attachment_751\" align=\"alignleft\" width=\"217\"]<img class=\"wp-image-751\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/piano-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"217\" height=\"325\" /> <em>\"I totally get it. I do. So what\'s next? Can I just start playing?\"</em>[/caption]\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Just telling someone that they should care about and better understand others isn’t enough to make it happen. After all, you can’t teach someone to play the piano by telling them how great music is. Most leaders know on some level that Empathy matters. But their life experiences may not have provided them with opportunities to learn the skill. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Successful development programs provide proven methods leaders can use to build or improve their skills in Empathy, Emotional Self Awareness, Self Regard, and other EQ skills. For example, the </span><a href=\"https://manual.eqleader.net\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">EQ Leader Program </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2.0</span></a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> provides a set of fourteen exercises for building Empathy that have been field-tested with thousands of executives around the world. Exercises include ways to practice truly listening, ways to notice when you are not listening, and ways to use Empathy to create win/win outcomes when negotiating. Different exercises can be used with leaders at different stages of Empathy development. The EQ Leader Program </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2.0</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> also provides fifteen exercises for building Self Regard and fifteen exercises for building Emotional Self Awareness.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Structured exercises that leaders can use in their daily work are essential for skill growth. It is easy to remember to use Empathy in a workshop about Empathy. It is much more difficult to remember to use Empathy when you are being bombarded by demands – the ringing phone, incessant emails/texts/Slack, worries about the next meeting, etc. With structured practice in their real world, leaders can build new, empathic default responses.</span>\n\n<b>To sum up</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Empathy is important, but it does not stand alone. When CLOs and CHROs look for development programs that help leaders build Empathy, they should look for programs that also understand and account for related EQ skills that impact whether and how leaders will use their newly developed Empathy skills effectively. They should also ensure that the program provides concrete, practical means to build whatever EQ skills will lead to a more effective practice of Empathy in the leader’s work environment. The </span><a href=\"https://manual.eqleader.net\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">EQ Leader Program</span></a> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2.0</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">does both of these things.</span>','CLOs, Empathy Training, and DEI','','publish','open','open','','clos-empathy-training-and-dei','','','2021-06-28 08:00:05','2021-06-28 12:00:05','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=748',0,'post','',0),(751,1,'2021-06-27 00:30:00','2021-06-27 04:30:00','','piano','','inherit','open','closed','','piano','','','2021-06-27 00:30:00','2021-06-27 04:30:00','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/piano-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(753,1,'2021-06-27 22:38:13','2021-06-28 02:38:13','','straight white guys','','inherit','open','closed','','straight-white-guys','','','2021-06-27 22:38:13','2021-06-28 02:38:13','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/straight-white-guys.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(754,1,'2021-06-27 22:38:23','2021-06-28 02:38:23','','EQ Dice','','inherit','open','closed','','eq-dice','','','2021-06-27 22:38:23','2021-06-28 02:38:23','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/EQ-Dice-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(755,1,'2021-06-27 22:39:57','2021-06-28 02:39:57','','conversation with colleague-ESA','','inherit','open','closed','','conversation-with-colleague-esa','','','2021-06-27 22:39:57','2021-06-28 02:39:57','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/conversation-with-colleague-ESA-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(757,1,'2021-06-27 22:44:39','2021-06-28 02:44:39','','biases','','inherit','open','closed','','biases','','','2021-06-27 22:44:39','2021-06-28 02:44:39','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/06/biases.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(761,2,'2021-07-12 08:00:20','2021-07-12 12:00:20','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The impact of EQ skills starts young. This edition of the EQ Leader Coaching Blog reports a scientific study that is unusual in that it is heartwarming as well as powerful. This is a study that I always make sure to tell my EQ workshop and webinar audiences. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-763\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/shutterstock_1452112361-marshmallow-test-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A young blond child leaning on their crossed arms on a table, staring at a marshmallow.\" width=\"284\" height=\"189\" />Look at this picture of a cute little kid, smiling and looking longingly at a marshmallow. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this study, a scientist brings a four-year-old into a room, barren except for a small table and two chairs. They chat for a bit. Then the scientist says, “I have to leave for a few minutes. Here’s a marshmallow. You can eat it while I’m gone. But if you wait to eat it until I return, I’ll give you a second marshmallow.”</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The scientist then leaves. Some children gobble that marshmallow up as the door is closing. Others wait. They work at distracting themselves from the treat. There is nothing in the room to help them. Maybe they hum or walk around the room. But they get the second marshmallow because they wait for the scientist’s return.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">(One little girl ate half the marshmallow. We believe she went on to become a lawyer!)</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Twenty-four years later, the researchers compared the group of children who waited for the second marshmallow with the group of children who impulsively ate<img class=\"alignright wp-image-762\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/24YearsLater.jpg\" alt=\"Twenty-four years later: SATs 219 points higher on average. Better jobs. Better relationships.\" width=\"393\" height=\"235\" /> the one. On average, those who had been able to wait for the scientist to return were found to have scored 219 points higher on their SATs, had better jobs, and better relationships than those who didn’t wait. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Were those who waited just born smarter?  Not necessarily. The difference was that they had already begun to learn the EQ skill of Impulse Control. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fortunately, Impulse Control can be learned even in adulthood. Impulse Control can be particularly useful to those talented clients who may have a penchant for career limiting moves. The </span><b><i>EQ Leader Program </i></b><b><i>2.0</i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has methods that coaches can use to help clients do just that. Please go to </span><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><a href=\"https://manual.eqleader.net/\">https://manual.eqleader.net/</a></strong></span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">to learn more.</span>','The Marshmallow Story','','publish','open','open','','the-marshmallow-story','','','2021-07-12 08:00:20','2021-07-12 12:00:20','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=761',0,'post','',0),(762,1,'2021-07-04 17:44:10','2021-07-04 21:44:10','','24YearsLater','','inherit','open','closed','','24yearslater','','','2021-07-04 17:44:10','2021-07-04 21:44:10','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/24YearsLater.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(763,1,'2021-07-04 17:44:37','2021-07-04 21:44:37','','Cute,Child,Looks,At,Single,Marshmallow,On,Table.,The,Marshmallow','','inherit','open','closed','','cutechildlooksatsinglemarshmallowontable-themarshmallow','','','2021-07-04 17:44:37','2021-07-04 21:44:37','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/shutterstock_1452112361-marshmallow-test-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(769,1,'2021-07-22 21:54:24','2021-07-23 01:54:24','','EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C','','inherit','open','closed','','eq-leader-header-1200-x-700-c','','','2021-07-22 21:54:24','2021-07-23 01:54:24','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(770,1,'2021-07-22 21:54:34','2021-07-23 01:54:34','','David White with name','','inherit','open','closed','','david-white-with-name','','','2021-07-22 21:54:34','2021-07-23 01:54:34','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/David-White-with-name-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(771,1,'2021-07-22 21:58:47','2021-07-23 01:58:47','','EQ Leader Header 879 x 176','','inherit','open','closed','','eq-leader-header-879-x-176','','','2021-07-22 21:58:47','2021-07-23 01:58:47','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/EQ-Leader-Header-879-x-176.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(774,2,'2021-07-26 08:00:25','2021-07-26 12:00:25','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Corporate Poet held the room. Four hundred high ranking, hard charging executives from such companies as IBM, American Express, and Merrill Lynch, as well as those of us who are behavioral consultants, were entranced by the poet’s deep, melodic voice. We were mesmerized by his hypnotic rhythm. Magically, the imagery of his poetry found resonance within our own minds, and took us on our own private journeys.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-770\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/David-White-with-name-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"250\" height=\"239\" />“Corporate Poet” sounds like an oxymoron. Yet David Whyte makes a living by working with companies through his art. His passion for his craft becomes a tool for others to find passion for theirs, or perhaps more accurately, to find crafts for their passions. Whyte’s poetry helps leaders and leaders-to-be discover who they are. That may sound frivolous to some readers. In reality, to understand our deepest passions and align our behavior with them is one of the most difficult tasks we face. It is required of anyone seeking to do their best.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whyte helped all of us in that room to remember the essence of excellence. We can only do our best work when it touches our deepest held values, the core of what matters to us. The energy reservoir within our passions creates dedication, confidence, and focus. Our motivation does not come from external factors, which, because they are external, may come and go. It comes from within ourselves, and is thus under only our own control. Our work matters because it has personal meaning to us.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The distractions from our passions are numberless. Other people pressure us to be who they want us to be. Television and other popular social media present glimpses of life that seem far more glamourous than our own lives, feeding self-doubt. Many organizations use command-and-control management techniques to shape us into their view of who we should be. In so doing, they often rob themselves of the very best their employees have to offer. </span>\n\n<b>Discovering Personal Passion: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whyte talked about having “The Conversation.” The process he described was simple yet compelling, so compelling that I called home that evening to make plans with my wife to try it out. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">“The Conversation” happens when one person talks to another person about what is most deeply true about them at that time. The sole purpose is to be understood. There is no request for help. There is no appeal for sympathy. There is no attempt to influence the other person or to be influenced by them. The hope is simply to be understood by another human being, which is essential to really understanding one’s self. With such understanding, we have control over how we respond to what life has to offer. Without it, we are blown about by the wishes of others, shallow cultural whims, and our own self doubts.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My wife Peg and I made reservations at a nearby resort for the next available weekend. We wanted freedom from distraction so that we could focus on our tasks. On Friday night, we had a leisurely drive to the resort. We had a pleasant dinner and evening. After breakfast on Saturday, we got down to business. We had each been thinking about what we would say. Still, we took the first hour or so to organize and write down our thoughts independently. It was a quiet time.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We both knew that two EQ skills would be vital to the success of our conversation. When I was the talker, for example, I would need Emotional Self Awareness, in order to know what was important to me – what made me feel fulfilled, what work was most meaningful. When I was the listener, I would need Empathy, in order to be able to fully understand the same for Peg.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the flip side, we realized that when I was the listener I would also need Emotional Self Awareness, in order to recognize times when my own emotions might interfere with being able to hear Peg, which, as listener, was my sole job. And when I was the talker, I would also need Empathy, in order to be able to speak in a way that would allow Peg to hear me without becoming defensive, getting too protective, or going into problem solving mode. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so, while we did our organizing, we reviewed those two skills as well, in order to make sure we were in tune with them.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Next, we each took a turn telling the other what was most true about our own life at that time. As I recall, I went first. Part of my responsibility was to avoid saying things in ways that would invite Peg to help or give advice or to make judgments. Her job was to listen for understanding. She would sometimes rephrase things to be sure that she understood me. At other times she would nod to let me know that she followed what I was saying. Otherwise, she just listened. When she spoke later, I returned the favor. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After the listening, we turned this into something of a “corporate retreat,” which I often facilitate for others. We got out my flip chart (yes, I brought it with me!) and began solving the individual problems we had shared. We used what we had heard ourselves say as the raw data for individual decision making. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For my part, The Conversation helped me to understand that my ongoing fatigue was the result of too many opportunities and not enough focus. I had been pursuing more diverse business possibilities than I could handle. I could no longer keep all the balls in the air. The Conversation helped me recognize where my passions now were. Our subsequent problem-solving discussion used that information to make decisions about what to keep and what to let go. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This was more than an intellectual exercise. There were some long-standing interests that needed to be cut because I could see now that I no longer had the passion needed for excellence. Peg’s role in my problem-solving phase was to help me talk through the decisions without any pressure one way or the other, even though my decisions would have an impact on our family resources. This required considerable trust. As usual, she did this magnificently. The major decisions I made that weekend, now over 15 years ago, have guided day to day decisions since. The fatigue lifted, my vision became focused, and I was passionate again.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So imagine. What are the possibilities if you and your spouse had The Conversation? Or, what if you and your business partner did so? Why stop there? What if you and your whole management team had The Conversation? The energy and focus unleashed might transform your business. Your enthusiasm or reluctance for The Conversation may tell you something about your current level of trust in the people most involved in your work life, i.e., the ones upon whom you must rely most.</span>','The Conversation: How EQ can find and unleash our best','','publish','open','open','','the-conversation-unleash-our-best','','','2021-07-26 08:00:25','2021-07-26 12:00:25','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=774',0,'post','',0),(783,1,'2021-07-26 17:50:27','2021-07-26 21:50:27','https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C.jpg','cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C.jpg','','inherit','open','closed','','cropped-eq-leader-header-1200-x-700-c-jpg','','','2021-07-26 17:50:27','2021-07-26 21:50:27','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(786,1,'2021-07-26 17:57:55','2021-07-26 21:57:55','','EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C-1','','inherit','open','closed','','eq-leader-header-1200-x-700-c-1','','','2021-07-26 17:57:55','2021-07-26 21:57:55','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(788,2,'2021-08-09 08:00:18','2021-08-09 12:00:18','<img class=\"alignleft  wp-image-795\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AnxietyTolerancePost02.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"332\" height=\"221\" />Are you anxious? Maybe not at this moment, but sometimes? Certainly. Everyone with a working brain has anxiety.  The only question is what we do to manage it when it comes to call. Anxiety is uncomfortable, so we usually prefer not to experience it. But our automatic (unconscious) brain doesn’t just prefer not to experience anxiety – it downright <strong><em>hates</em></strong> anxiety. Left to its own devices, it tries to eliminate anxiety every chance it gets.\n\nBut that can create problems, because anxiety is actually often quite useful. (Yes, really!) That means that we have to learn how to recognize anxiety so that we can then determine whether it is best to tolerate and use it, lower it, or get rid of it.\n\nWhy does the automatic brain hate anxiety? Well, the brain has a lot to do. It isn’t just sitting up there in our heads thinking about this and that. It is also managing assumptions – that is, thoughts not in our immediate awareness that silently guide many of our routine behaviors (“It costs plenty, so it should be good!” “I deserve a hot meal!” “He hasn’t answered my email, so I guess he’s not interested.”). The automatic brain also manages our emotional reactions to events – do they make us happy, sad, frustrated, or what? Finally, it manages our biological functioning. If our brains weren’t monitoring and giving orders, our hearts would just sit there – not ideal. Beating is better. Without direction from our brains, our digestive systems would pretty much just laugh at us.\n\nIn sum, our brains are managing a million things all the time. They are very, very busy!\n\nOK, but why should that mean that our brains hate anxiety, you ask? Well, like our cars, our brains need fuel to operate. The brain’s fuel of choice is glucose. Anxiety is a fuel hog. It uses up glucose<img class=\"alignright  wp-image-794\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AnxietyTolerancePost01.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"256\" height=\"215\" /> faster than other brain activities. So the automatic brain’s impulse, in order to conserve fuel, is to reduce anxiety. It is so serious about reducing anxiety that, unfortunately, it often encourages us to engage in destructive behaviors in order to do so – behaviors such as ignoring or rationalizing problems, drinking too much alcohol, engaging in unwise drug behavior, having indiscriminate sex, becoming workaholics, playing solitaire instead of writing that difficult report, etc.\n\nAll of these behaviors are either distractions or inherently soothing. They quell our anxiety for the moment, but at what cost? And beyond the destructive behaviors, what if the anxiety is trying to tell us something important? We have effectively told it to shut up and go away.\n\nAnxiety is an emotion. Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the <em>intelligent use</em> of emotions. The thoughtful (EQ) brain (as opposed to the automatic or unconscious brain) recognizes that there are times when anxiety is a problem, but it also recognizes that there are times when anxiety is useful. For example, anxiety can warn us about dangerous situations, or help us perform difficult tasks. In fact, when we have to bring our A game, moderate anxiety is actually essential. It eggs us on to do our utmost. The discomfort we feel when we experience anxiety in these situations must be tolerated. Therefore, one key task for us as executive coaches is to help clients who have high demands to develop tolerance for anxiety when it is needed. Doing so helps them reach inside for their very best.\n\nOn the other hand, when we’re on vacation, worrying about the office is counterproductive. Anxiety reduction is wise. We should have some fun! Walk on the beach! Watch a movie! We can’t let anxiety eat us alive for no reason. It is bad for our health!\n\nThree EQ skills are critical to anxiety management:  1) Emotional Self Awareness, 2) Stress Tolerance, and 3) Impulse Control.\n\n<strong>1) Emotional Self Awareness (ESA): </strong>Well-developed ESA helps people recognize when they are anxious. Without such conscious awareness, they are much more vulnerable to the default responses of the automatic brain to anxiety, i.e., “stuff it!” or worse. With awareness, people can tap into the skills of Stress Tolerance and Impulse Control in order to manage the anxiety they feel. Hopefully they have those skills, but if not, Emotional Self Awareness, Stress Tolerance, and Impulse Control, like all EQ skills, can be learned.\n\n<strong>2) Stress Tolerance: </strong>Stress Tolerance has to do with how much anxiety people can stand before it begins to impact the clarity of their thinking. (To illustrate, imagine trying to solve algebra problems while being chased by a bear!) Those with robust Stress Tolerance skills can operate at high efficiency even under the most difficult situations, which is the normal world for most senior <img class=\"alignleft  wp-image-797\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AnxietyTolerancePost04.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"174\" height=\"210\" />leaders, and frankly, for a lot of other people. Think young mothers, surgeons, trial lawyers, air traffic controllers. . .\n\nPeople who are highly vulnerable to anxiety have limited Stress Tolerance. In other words, even a relatively small amount of anxiety can hinder clear thought. Unmanaged anxiety has kept many talented people from becoming all that they could be. As they build Stress Tolerance, they have greater access to their natural talents.\n\n<strong>3) Impulse Control: </strong>Whereas Stress Tolerance has to do with thinking clearly, Impulse Control has to do with behavior. At a certain point, all of us have our limits (the proverbial “last straw”), beyond which we are vulnerable to doing or saying something truly stupid, if not destructive. To recognize this experience, just recall one of\n\n[caption id=\"attachment_796\" align=\"alignright\" width=\"436\"]<img class=\" wp-image-796\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AnxietyTolerancePost03-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"436\" height=\"232\" /> Angry boss yelling at her co-workers[/caption]\n\nyour own cringe-worthy moments. Even very smart people can find themselves in the grips of stupidity, which means we have exceeded our Impulse Control skills.\n\nFortunately, there are many methods that we as coaches can use to help clients build these anxiety management skills. For example, <strong><em>The EQ Leader Program </em></strong>has thirteen different exercises people can use to build Impulse Control. To illustrate, one exercise is a process whereby a client can learn not to interrupt when someone else is speaking. People are often tempted to interrupt when they think they have a better idea, believing that the speaker’s ideas are likely to lead to a wrong outcome. (“I had to stop him! He was going down the wrong road!”) Anticipating wrong outcomes creates anxiety. When such anxiety exceeds our Impulse Control skills, we may interrupt, be seen as rude, and have our opinions dismissed. Thoughtfully waiting our turn to speak builds Impulse Control muscles.\n\nLikewise, Stress Tolerance skills can be improved through exercises which can be practiced in a client’s real, pressure filled, daily work. <strong><em>The</em></strong> <strong><em>EQ Leader Program</em></strong> offers nine such exercises. One exercise involves teaching clients generalized anxiety management skills, such as meditation, diaphragmatic breathing, even self-hypnosis. Learning these skills allows clients to then manage anxiety when the pressure is on. At those moments, the goal is not to eliminate anxiety, but rather to bring it down to an optimal level.\n\nAnother effective tool for growing Stress Tolerance skills is reframing the situation, which involves identifying ways a client may be thinking about the situation that elevate anxiety unnecessarily. Coaches can help clients learn how to identify and use more realistic ways of thinking. (Things are rarely as bad as they seem in the high-pressure moment.) This process results in lowered stress and higher functioning.\n\n<strong><em>The EQ Leader Program</em></strong> has field-tested exercises not just for Stress Tolerance, Impulse Control, and Emotional Self Awareness, but for all of the sixteen EQ skills.','Anxiety Tolerance and EQ','','publish','open','open','','anxiety-tolerance-and-eq','','','2021-08-09 08:00:18','2021-08-09 12:00:18','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=788',0,'post','',0),(794,1,'2021-08-01 18:27:57','2021-08-01 18:27:57','','AnxietyTolerancePost01','','inherit','open','closed','','anxietytolerancepost01','','','2021-08-01 18:27:57','2021-08-01 18:27:57','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AnxietyTolerancePost01.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(795,1,'2021-08-01 18:28:05','2021-08-01 18:28:05','','AnxietyTolerancePost02','','inherit','open','closed','','anxietytolerancepost02','','','2021-08-01 18:28:05','2021-08-01 18:28:05','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AnxietyTolerancePost02.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(796,1,'2021-08-01 18:27:50','2021-08-01 18:27:50','','Angry boss yelling at her co-workers','Angry boss yelling at her co-workers','inherit','open','closed','','angry-boss-yelling-at-her-co-workers','','','2021-08-01 18:27:50','2021-08-01 18:27:50','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AnxietyTolerancePost03-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(797,1,'2021-08-01 18:27:36','2021-08-01 18:27:36','','AnxietyTolerancePost04','','inherit','open','closed','','anxietytolerancepost04','','','2021-08-01 18:27:36','2021-08-01 18:27:36','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/AnxietyTolerancePost04.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(813,3,'2021-08-20 16:01:53','2021-08-20 20:01:53','','shutterstock_446643151-individual consideration','Mature businessman using a digital tablet to discuss information with a younger colleague in a modern business lounge','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_446643151-individual-consideration','','','2021-08-20 16:01:53','2021-08-20 20:01:53','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_446643151-individual-consideration-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(814,3,'2021-08-20 16:02:25','2021-08-20 20:02:25','','Old,Ways,Won\'t,Open,New,Doors','','inherit','open','closed','','oldwayswontopennewdoors','','','2021-08-20 16:02:25','2021-08-20 20:02:25','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_604626605-old-ways-wont-open-new-doors-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(815,3,'2021-08-20 16:02:52','2021-08-20 20:02:52','','Silhouette,Of,People,Helping,Each,Other,Hike,Up,A,Mountain','','inherit','open','closed','','silhouetteofpeoplehelpingeachotherhikeupamountain','','','2021-08-20 16:02:52','2021-08-20 20:02:52','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_783187849-inspirational-motivation-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(816,3,'2021-08-20 16:03:24','2021-08-20 20:03:24','','Serious,Ceo,Speaking,At,Corporate,Group,Meeting,,Teacher,Coach,Team','','inherit','open','closed','','seriousceospeakingatcorporategroupmeetingteachercoachteam','','','2021-08-20 16:03:24','2021-08-20 20:03:24','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_1226957695-intellectual-stimulation-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(817,3,'2021-08-20 16:03:51','2021-08-20 20:03:51','','Young,Businessman,With,Hard,Hat,And,Our,Vision,Inscription,,New','','inherit','open','closed','','youngbusinessmanwithhardhatandourvisioninscriptionnew','','','2021-08-20 16:03:51','2021-08-20 20:03:51','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_1849646446-our-vision-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(818,2,'2021-08-23 08:00:53','2021-08-23 12:00:53','Let’s say you’re an executive coach to senior leadership in an organization that needs to redefine how to succeed going forward. The organization has had a successful past, but conditions have changed. Most organizations fail to adapt to these changes, and as a result, they get acquired or go out of business. What worked then won’t work now. (That’s why the average age of the companies in the <strong>Fortune 500</strong> is under fourteen years.) The stakes are high. What do you do now?\n\n<img class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_604626605-old-ways-wont-open-new-doors-scaled.jpg\" width=\"294\" height=\"196\" />You ask yourself, “What leadership approach does this senior leadership team, particularly the CEO, need to embrace?” You do some research. You go to Amazon. You search for “leadership books,” and get 60,000 choices. (Really! I tried it!) “Oh, boy!” you say. “Where do I start? What approach works best?”\n\nScience to the rescue! Leadership research shows that a model called Transformational Leadership (TL) actually delivers in situations just like yours. The transformational leader works to transform the company and its workforce to the degree needed for a new version of success. (Hence the word <em>transformational.</em>)\n\nBut it’s one thing to sell leaders on Transformational Leadership. It’s another for them to actually follow the science and <em>become</em> transformational leaders. Let’s look at what Transformational Leadership really is, and given that this is a blog on Emotional Intelligence (EQ) coaching, let’s see how EQ supports the process of becoming a transformational leader.\n\n<strong>Transformational leaders have four qualities:</strong>\n<ol>\n 	<li>The ability to make people want to follow them <em>(Idealized influence – TL Tenet #1)</em></li>\n 	<li>The ability to motivate through inspiration <em>(Inspirational motivation – TL Tenet #2)</em></li>\n 	<li>The ability to stimulate followers intellectually <em>(Intellectual stimulation – TL Tenet #3)</em></li>\n 	<li>The ability to connect with and mentor followers individually <em>(Individual consideration – TL Tenet #4)</em></li>\n</ol>\nEach quality requires specific EQ skills to execute. As a coach, you can teach the model, and then help leaders build the requisite EQ skills.\n<ol>\n 	<li><strong>Idealized Influence.</strong> Transformational leaders are charismatic, idealized by followers. These leaders give up their own personal goals to focus on the collective good. They are on fire for<img class=\"alignright wp-image-817\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_1849646446-our-vision-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"355\" height=\"197\" /> their cause. When they say “We’re all in this together,” they mean it, and are seen as having a strong moral purpose. Such leaders are admired for their focus on values, beliefs, and sense of purpose. In response, followers shed their self-interest too, caring more about collective aspirations. As Bernard Bass, who was instrumental in formulating the Transformational Leadership model, said, “Transformational leaders shift goals [of followers] away from personal safety and security towards achievement, self-actualization, and the greater good.” Transformational leaders basically ask their followers <em>“Are you <u>with</u> me?”</em></li>\n</ol>\nHow does EQ fit in? Which EQ skills help a leader gain such devotion?\n<ul>\n 	<li><u>Social Responsibility</u>: This is the ability (and courage) to put one’s needs aside in order to serve the greater good. When leaders do this, followers often follow. When leaders don’t do this, followers follow that example as well.</li>\n 	<li><u>Emotional Self Awareness</u>: Before leaders can authentically commit to something beyond their own welfare, they have to know what they care deeply about. Leaders who do not truly care about the new vision, but are unaware of that fact and its implications, let their true feelings leak out. Their initiatives fail.</li>\n</ul>\n<u>NB</u>: <em>Transformational leaders must be charismatic in order to attract followers, but while charisma is vital to transformational leadership, it is important to have the Goldilocks amount – not too much and not too little. See:</em> <a href=\"https://www.triplepundit.com/story/2017/science-says-too-much-charisma-bad-leadership/14591\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>https://www.triplepundit.com/story/2017/science-says-too-much-charisma-bad-leadership/14591</strong></span></a>.\n\nEQ can help get it just right.\n<ol start=\"2\">\n 	<li><strong>Inspirational Motivation. </strong>Transformational leadership is hard! It takes courage, new skills, and hard work, on the part of leaders and followers alike. A key message transformational <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-815\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_783187849-inspirational-motivation-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"239\" height=\"159\" />leaders give to followers is, “You can do more than you believe you can!” These leaders inspire and motivate followers to achieve ambitious goals that may previously have seemed unreachable. Transformational leaders raise followers’ expectations of what they can do, and inspire action by communicating confidence that followers can achieve specific ambitious goals. By predicting that followers can reach these goals, and by showing absolute confidence and resolve that the goals will be reached, the transformational leader inspires followers to reach a level of performance which exceeds old expectations. Goals get reached. A self-fulfilling prophecy occurs, in a good way.</li>\n</ol>\nEvery leader would like to inspire.\n\nThree EQ skills help:\n<ul>\n 	<li><u>Optimism</u>: When people engage in major change, things <strong><em>will </em></strong>go wrong. Before followers are likely to reach deeply inside of themselves to overcome setbacks, they must see their leaders modeling that behavior when things get tough. They need to see their leaders persevere in the face of challenging obstacles.</li>\n 	<li><u>Reality Testing</u>: Transformational leaders need to raise followers’ expectations of themselves, but within reason. There is a difference between inspiring high ambition and making unrealistic demands. When leaders’ expectations defy reality, tyranny arises.</li>\n 	<li><u>Self-Regard</u>: To model stretching one’s limits, transformational leaders must believe in their own ability to rise to an occasion or demand.</li>\n</ul>\n<ol start=\"3\">\n 	<li><strong>Intellectual Stimulation.</strong> Transformational leaders appeal to followers’ intellects by creating problem awareness and engaging followers in problem solving, encouraging them to use their thoughts, imagination, beliefs, and values. As a result of such intellectual stimulation, followers’ understanding of the nature of the problems they face, and the solutions to those problems, is<img class=\"alignright wp-image-816\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_1226957695-intellectual-stimulation-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"334\" height=\"223\" /> radically altered. Such involvement in the problem-solving process motivates followers, and results in a commitment on their part to achieving the goals at hand. Followers are encouraged to challenge assumptions, generalizations, and stereotypes, which stimulates followers to seek ways of improving, indeed transforming, current performance.</li>\n</ol>\nEQ skills that support this quality include:\n<ul>\n 	<li><u>Interpersonal Relationships</u>: Involving people in the problem-solving process requires mutual trust. Trust is a product of strong relationships.</li>\n 	<li><u>Stress Tolerance</u>: Solving tough problems by engaging in dialogue that permits and encourages different opinions is stressful. Transformational leaders must be capable of maintaining clear thinking while engaging in this type of dialogue, because they themselves will be challenged.</li>\n 	<li><u>Flexibility</u>: While keeping a fixed eye on the ultimate goal, transformational leaders must be able to entertain creative thoughts about how to get there. They can’t be so rigidly focused on their own thinking that they fail to include others’ ideas.</li>\n 	<li><u>Independence</u>: Transformational leaders must rise above the social pressure to conform to old ways of thinking. Organizational transformation requires thinking differently.</li>\n</ul>\n<ol start=\"4\">\n 	<li><strong>Individual Consideration.</strong> Transformational leaders don’t just speak to the masses. They reach out to key individuals to support them during the difficult process of transforming the<img class=\"alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_446643151-individual-consideration-w-border-scaled.jpg\" width=\"313\" height=\"252\" />organization. The leader is concerned with developing followers to their highest level of potential, and with empowering them. Leaders in this instance provide a developmental or mentoring orientation toward followers. They coach and counsel followers, maintaining frequent contact with them, helping them to self-actualize.</li>\n</ol>\nEQ skills that support this quality include:\n<ul>\n 	<li><u>Empathy</u>: Followers must believe that the leader truly cares about their welfare and success. In addition to caring, the leader must also read accurately what those followers care about, i.e., what is important to them.</li>\n 	<li><u>Self-Actualization</u>: It is difficult to stimulate growth in others without also engaging passionately in self-development. Followers notice.</li>\n 	<li><u>Interpersonal Relationships</u>: Relationships are built on the exchange of emotional information. Leaders must share the way they feel, including both passion for the cause and genuine fears. Such modeling allows followers to talk about their own fears and doubts, which is when mentoring can be of the greatest value.</li>\n</ul>\n<strong><em>The</em></strong> <strong><em>EQ Leader Program<sup>2.0</sup> </em></strong>manual provides systematic processes that can be used with individual leaders and entire leadership cadres to strengthen the skills required to be transformational leaders. Please see <a href=\"https://manual.eqleader.net/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong><em>The EQ Leader Program 2.0 – A turnkey program for building Emotional Intelligence (EQ) skills in leaders</em></strong></span>.</a>','Transformational Leadership: When You Need to Change Course','','publish','open','open','','transformational-leadership','','','2021-08-23 08:00:53','2021-08-23 12:00:53','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=818',0,'post','',0),(827,3,'2021-08-20 17:07:05','2021-08-20 21:07:05','','shutterstock_446643151-individual consideration w border','','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_446643151-individual-consideration-w-border','','','2021-08-20 17:07:05','2021-08-20 21:07:05','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/08/shutterstock_446643151-individual-consideration-w-border-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0);
INSERT INTO `wpuw_posts` VALUES (833,2,'2021-09-07 08:00:30','2021-09-07 12:00:30','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-836\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/StressedBaker-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A woman with a chef hat and apron, looking very stressed. A metal pie pan is at the bottom left.\" width=\"268\" height=\"252\" />All organizations have one or more constrained, or more accurately, </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">constraining</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> resources, resources that limit what can be accomplished. To illustrate, imagine that in a moment of poor impulse control, you agree to bake fourteen cherry pies for a company event. You have lots of cherries, lots of flour, mixing bowls, spoons, an oven that holds seven pies, and one, </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">only ONE</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, pie pan. That pan is your constrained resource.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We often think of constrained resources as tangible. For example, the auto industry is currently in a jam. It can’t get enough computer chips to make cars. Show rooms are nearly empty. Want a car? Expect to wait several months. As Rudyard Kipling said, “For want of a nail the shoe was lost. For want of a shoe the horse was lost . . .”</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But some resources that</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">organizations need are </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">in</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">tangible. You can’t see them, but they can have a major constraining impact on organizational performance when they are in short supply. Examples include technical expertise, intellectual horsepower, and Emotional Intelligence (EQ). If EQ is a constraining resource, you, as an executive coach, a consultant, an HR leader, or a Chief Learning Officer, can so something about it. </span>\n\n<strong>Here are some potential signs of EQ limitations in an organization:</strong>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Right hand/left hand miscommunication</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. When some departments operate without regard for what other departments need, it may indicate that </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Empathy</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is in short supply. The leadership within various departments might not be stopping to think of what other departments need. </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Assertiveness</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> might be in short supply as well. Leaders may not be letting other departments know, in unthreatening ways, what they need from them. Bottom line? Poor communication likely means the need for more EQ.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do you hear when leaders or groups talk about each other? When two areas are in conflict, it is not uncommon to hear judgmental</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">or disparaging comments, such as, “They don’t really care all that much.” “Those guys are just not very good at their jobs.” “I’m pretty sure they have it in for us.” “He’s on a power trip.” These are stories people often make up about others when there are problems. Sometimes (but rarely) they are true. Often they are not. </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reality Testing</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is an EQ skill that can</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">be used to see which is which. </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reality Testing</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> means that we go get more information to test whether our interpretations of others’ behavior are accurate. Conclusion? Lots of judgmental language likely means the need for more EQ.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes talented people don’t perform at the level their talent alone would predict. What gets in the way? Sometimes it’s </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self Regard</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, also an EQ skill. Even talented people may have trouble seeing themselves as you do. Something blinds them to their true potential. Then they create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Or a person may be too impatient to nail down that last piece that would make a performance top notch, jumping to something else before a task is finished. Or someone might be too inflexible to change ways that worked before, but no longer. </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Impulse Control</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Flexibility</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are EQ skills, and like all EQ skills, can be learned. These talented people may be unaware of what is driving them off the path which they and the organization want them to be on. </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self Awareness</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is another EQ skill that can be nurtured and grown. Bottom line? Under-performance may indicate not a talent deficiency but a need for more EQ.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes whole leadership teams hang on rigidly to outdated methods of creating organizational success. Bottom line? Don’t wait for the company to die. Greater </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Flexibility</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> (EQ) is a much better solution.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are there leaders in the organization who alienate others? Maybe they make insulting comments or interrupt rudely. In addition to </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Empathy</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, this can also be an </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Impulse Control</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> issue, an </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Interpersonal Relationship</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> issue, or both. </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Impulse Control</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is driven by mismanaged anxiety. People who have trouble in relationships may never have had the chance to learn how to create good working relationships. </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Impulse Control</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Interpersonal Relationships</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are learnable skills. Bottom line? If key people anger others with regularity, don’t wait until it’s so bad they have to be fired. Build their EQ skills.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How well does the Executive Team work together? Is there sufficient trust? Conflicts are inevitable, even desirable, but are they managed constructively? Is one person scapegoated on the team? All of these are EQ issues. Limited skills in </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Interpersonal Relationships</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Impulse Control</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Assertiveness</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and </span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self Awareness</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, among other EQ skills, can all lead to significant constraints on team performance. Bottom line? Don’t just say “We don’t work well together!” Find the causes and fix them.</span></li>\n</ul>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it comes to EQ, we usually think about individuals. But that can be short sighted. Organizations that have not hired for EQ, or have not created systems that help to encourage EQ skills, are likely to find that limited EQ is constraining their performance, and thus their bottom line. Fortunately, this is a solvable problem. And as with any problem, the first step is awareness. Coaches, consultants, HR leaders, and Chief Learning Officers can do the organization a tremendous service by identifying patterns of behavior that interfere with the organization’s success. Then, rather than blame, offer a systematic approach to build the EQ resources that the organization needs. </span>','Is EQ a Constraining Resource?','','publish','open','open','','is-eq-a-constraining-resource','','','2021-09-07 08:00:30','2021-09-07 12:00:30','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=833',0,'post','',0),(836,1,'2021-09-02 20:07:09','2021-09-03 00:07:09','','StressedBaker','','inherit','open','closed','','stressedbaker','','','2021-09-02 20:07:09','2021-09-03 00:07:09','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/StressedBaker-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(844,2,'2021-09-20 08:00:55','2021-09-20 12:00:55','<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img class=\"aligncenter size-column3-3/4 wp-image-846\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/E176B1C4-8BFD-408C-A32B-1F1D81913A13-380x285.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"380\" height=\"285\" /></p>\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These days, it seems we are often</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">called upon to deal with people whose beliefs may be in strong opposition to ours. A colleague working within a large university-based medical center asked me for a blog piece dealing with this challenge.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Like every medical center in the world today, hers is struggling with COVID. Not only because of the overwhelming number of cases their center has to deal with, but also because so many colleagues and patients have differing ideas about COVID, based on different sources of information deemed acceptable to their way of thinking. Pretty much everybody thinks their way of thinking is right, and other people’s views are ridiculous. What to do?</span>\n\n<b>Step One – Acceptance of the </b><b><i>person</i></b><b>, and of our shared human frailty: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Approximately 100% of human beings have some beliefs that turn out to be accurate, and other beliefs? Not so much. Humility is a pretty good place to start when interacting with those whose views are different from ours. It prevents the holier-than-thou attitude that is easy to access when we are sooo sure we’re right, and that is sooo unhelpful in coming to any kind of meeting of the minds.</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your client’s organization has a particular set of organizational beliefs that needs to be communicated and accepted by those who work there, acceptance of those beliefs will be the organization’s goal, but acceptance of the person is the place to start.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One problem with some COVID-related beliefs is that they can be deadly. If we indeed believe that, then we, as coaches, can get riled up, making it more difficult for us to do our jobs. You will know that you are in the grips of your reptile brain when you are vehemently agreeing with your clients about just how wrong and ridiculous those disagreeing with you are. We are supposed to be the calm, logical ones, right? When our reptile brains speak to other reptile brains, we get predictably terrible results. In this case, we teach our clients to be unaccepting of other people.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We need to operate out of our own EQ brains (prefrontal cortex) as a model for our clients, so they can use that model with the people they need to influence. Acceptance of people and of our shared human frailty can help, because it calms us, and hopefully calms those with whom we are interacting. Nobody gets to be almighty. Nobody has to be the enemy. Nobody has to be the jerk. Deep breath!</span>\n\n<b>Step Two – Forget Reasoning:</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Yes, you read that right! Let your clients know that barraging “misinformed” (i.e., differently informed) co-workers or subordinates with facts (as we see them) is not a good plan. It simply won’t work. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your clients won’t believe you at first. Highly educated people have been socialized to be certain that if people just have the “right facts,” they will make the “right” decision (i.e., agree with us). In truth, most decisions about what to believe, including most of our own decisions, are emotion-based. (More humility. We thought we were such rational creatures!) To help their colleagues get past COVID-based beliefs that may be deadly, if that indeed is the mission, your clients will have to work largely with emotions, their own as well as those of their colleagues. Once emotions are dealt with, minds can open up to a discussion of facts.</span>\n\n<b>Step Three – Understand the Power of Belonging: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To understand the emotions involved, we have to understand why people cling to these heated differences regarding COVID. The short answer? The need to belong. And you can blame brain evolution for that. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do the need to belong and brain evolution have to do with anything, you may ask? Well, because of the way our brains have evolved, belonging to a key group is actually far more powerful in determining our beliefs than scientific facts are, and can even influence the determination of which statements are seen to qualify as scientific. This is why “facts” are the wrong first step.  </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now let’s fill in some details, because your clients will need to know them in order to understand your counsel. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The human brain has been evolving for about 50,000 generations, counting our evolutionary ancestors. To put that in perspective, recorded history (approximately 6,000 years) is only 240 generations. Thus, for 99.5% of human existence, our brains evolved to solve problems faced by people who lived in very primitive circumstances. Their world was full of physical dangers that modern life has largely overcome. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In those primitive, brain-shaping times, no human could survive very long alone. Predators and Mother Nature provided challenges that humans could solve only by working and living with other humans, i.e., their tribes. Belonging to your tribe was a matter of life and death. Those who got shunned died. The </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">fear</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of alienation from our tribes has been inculcated deeply into our psyches and brains by repetition over tens of thousands of generations. We still desperately want</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">need to belong.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Belonging to a tribe, or group, involves having a shared belief system. To early man, this meant, “If I don’t believe what the group believes, then I’ll be shunned and die.” That’s why, even today, we can feel such social pressure to believe what those around us believe, even when we “know” differently. (“I shouldn’t be doing this, but . . .”) Peer pressure doesn’t end with adolescence. It is alive and well in adults.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some groups today define themselves by COVID beliefs such as, “vaccines are dangerous.” If some members of your client’s organization are in one of those groups, they risk ridicule and alienation if they don’t share that belief. Likewise for those who belong to groups that believe vaccines are not only safe, but necessary. Members of that group who start questioning the value of vaccines may find themselves labeled “nutcases” by their colleagues.</span>\n\n<b>Step Four – Focus on Belonging: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To influence people you believe are locked into beliefs that, for example, may end up harming someone, begin with belonging, not facts. You may think that’s a fool’s errand. How will you convince someone to disregard the beliefs of their tribe? </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, an advantage we have today, one that primitive people did not have, is that we each belong to many tribes, so we have more choices about where we can </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">not belong</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> but still </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">survive</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, i.e., we can remove ourselves from one tribe, but still have plenty of other tribes we can belong to. In addition to a COVID belief-based tribe, for example, we may also belong to tribes of men, women, LGBTQ, physicians, nurses, med techs, teachers, classmates, business owners, White, Black, Brown, various religions, families, parents, tennis players, football team members, fast food workers, etc. So even if we decide to slip out of one, we will still have a great number of others left. We will still belong somewhere. Realizing this can help lessen the fear of not belonging to any one particular tribe.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And that is important, because sometimes these tribes will have competing belief systems. When that happens, people need to make some tough judgments. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a work setting, someone may think, “I share the concerns that some of my co-workers have about vaccinations (doubters’ tribe) but I also belong to my (name of medical center or other organization here) tribe, where the belief system favors vaccinations.” It may turn out that how connected employees feel to their organization (or department) will be what determines which tribe they choose to stay loyal to. Connectedness is usually mediated by the quality of the relationship one has with one’s leader(s). Employees may ask themselves, “Do these people really care about me, or am I just a widget in their system?” If they feel they are just a widget, it may become “us against them” when it comes to whether they will opt to side with their leaders.</span>\n\n<b>Step Five - Ignore the hard core: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> If you are trying to help your clients influence groups of people toward the views their organizations have prioritized, warn them that giving the hard-core view-holders</span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">time and attention strengthens those people and their beliefs in the eyes of others. Instead, advise them to focus on the “big hump” of people in the middle of the bell curve. By definition, those people will have at least some mixed feelings about their positions. </span>\n\n<b>Step Six – Have real conversations: </b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pronouncements from on high will have minimal impact on changing beliefs. Work though leaders, including emotional leaders who may not have a formal leadership role, who are close to those in the middle of the bell curve on this issue, the ones likely to have at least some mixed feelings about the topic. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask leaders to talk with their people, but to do it in a particular way. In these conversations, power differentials are put aside as much as possible. Leaders won’t direct, won’t invoke their power, but rather will listen, respect the other, and perhaps most importantly, exercise genuine curiosity about the other’s point of view.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Most leaders will probably need at least some brief training in how to have such a conversation, training that may pay off for years to come. Having a model to use, such as </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Motivational Interviewing</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, can simplify this task. In one example, where a leader or manager might want to encourage people to consider with an open mind the idea of getting vaccinated, the conversation might go something like this:</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leader: “John, as you know, the administration is really concerned about vaccinations. How do you feel about getting one? How do you think others in your section feel about them?”</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">John: “I don’t know. I’m not sure it’s a good idea. I’ve heard stories. I think a lot of other people here are skeptical too.”</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leader: “I can appreciate your anxiety about it. What are some of the stories going around?” </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">John: “Some stories are kind of ridiculous, like that Bill Gates thing. Others make more sense. For example, it does seem like they rushed the vaccine out pretty fast.” </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leader: “They did talk about warp speed, didn’t they?”</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">John: (Chuckling) – “Yes, they sure did.”</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At this point, John has expressed a concern that can be discussed.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leader: “Well, we all have to make up our own minds</span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.” (Of course each person’s choice impacts others, but this statement reassures people that they are not getting pressured by the leader. That helps John not feel defensive. Instead, he may become curious, ask questions, and give genuine consideration to what the leader may have to say or ask.)</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Leader: “What would you need to know about the process to become comfortable that safety wasn’t sacrificed for speed?” </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">(This question invites, but doesn’t demand, that people begin to search for new information.)</span></i>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Different doubters will have different concerns, which an empathic, caring discussion can surface. Once such issues have been surfaced within this kind of context, people may be open to hearing new information, or learning about ways to find new information for themselves. Should they move in the desired direction, they are likely to become ambassadors for the overall goal. Because the leader has used the EQ skills of Empathy and Interpersonal Relationships, information that would be more helpful in achieving the organization’s goals might now be heard and accepted. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For a more complete description of Motivational Interviewing: </span><a href=\"https://motivationalinterviewing.org/understanding-motivational-interviewing\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https://motivationalinterviewing.org/understanding-motivational-interviewing</span></a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> </span>','Using EQ to Deal with Different Views','','publish','open','open','','using-eq-different-views','','','2021-09-20 08:00:55','2021-09-20 12:00:55','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=844',0,'post','',0),(846,1,'2021-09-19 19:18:43','2021-09-19 23:18:43','','Two,Buffalo,Butting,In,The,Snowy,Prairie.,Two,Huge,American','','inherit','open','closed','','twobuffalobuttinginthesnowyprairie-twohugeamerican','','','2021-09-19 19:18:43','2021-09-19 23:18:43','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/09/E176B1C4-8BFD-408C-A32B-1F1D81913A13-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(853,2,'2021-10-04 08:00:25','2021-10-04 12:00:25','Thousands of studies demonstrate that leaders with higher EQ are more successful than those with average (or lower) EQ. But I’m not writing about that today.\n\nI’ve found myself reflecting on the nature of organizations, thinking about my own experiences with them, experiences that clients who work for them have told me about, and stories my friends and family have related to me. I would enjoy hearing your thoughts about what follows.\n\nThink about times when you’ve dealt with a large healthcare organization. Maybe you’ve helped shepherd a loved one through a serious illness. Maybe you yourself were the patient. Did the experience enhance your sense of yourself as a human being? Or did you find yourself feeling like a piece of meat, lost in a maw of processes, procedures, and awful communication, while the people working there did what their organization told them was necessary?\n\nThink of the times you’ve called customer service numbers for large organizations, meandering around robot led telephone trees seemingly designed to <em>prevent</em> customer service! Why do these things happen? What makes organizations, built by actual people, behave in such inhuman ways?\n\nThe answer is that we can’t expect organizations to behave like humans. It is not in their nature. We might as well ask a tree, a bicycle, or a chainsaw to behave like a human. It simply isn’t in them. We’ve all seen organizations steamroll people, sometimes employees, sometimes customers, sometimes a community or planet, doing unnecessary damage. I’m reminded (a little) of HAL in <em>2001: A Space Odyssey</em>.<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-858\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/robot-walking.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"367\" height=\"234\" />\n\nAn organization is primarily dedicated to its own survival and success, usually but not always defined in terms of money. For the most part, an organization, in the most cost effective and efficient way possible, is dedicated to the survival and success of the people who work there, its customers, and other stakeholders, <em>only</em> as a means to an end: its own well-being. If the organization is better served by inhumane rather than humane behaviors, inhumane usually wins.\n\nYet, I imagine that you can think of times when you have dealt with organizations and found the experience affirming. A doctor or nurse who<img class=\"alignright wp-image-857\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/nurse-pointing.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"359\" height=\"239\" /> worked for that organization may have connected with you in a very human way, which is apparently happening in a lot in ICUs these days. You’ve probably talked with customer service people on occasion who were eager to help you “work the system” to get what you needed. Do these experiences call into question my statement about organizational nature? Are these just the exceptions that prove the rule?\n\nWhile organizations can’t relate in a human way because, though created by humans, they are not human, any more than a building created by humans is human, people within organizations <strong>can</strong> behave like humans. To do so they have to get outside of organization “think.”\n\nPeople and organizations are not synonyms. People may build organizations, but before long, the organization takes on a life of its own. (Here comes HAL again.) Those people who won your heart in the hospital or on the phone have either not fully surrendered their humanity and their judgment to their organizations, or they work for an organization where the leaders encourage human behavior. In either case, they are free to behave in a natural human way.\n\nThe distinction between organizations and the people who work in them may have important implications for what coaches do. It seems to me that a big part of our mission may be to help people in organizations not get caught up in inhuman organization “think.” We can help people remember their humanity, i.e., to be dedicated to the welfare of the people in the organization and the people the organization serves. In other words, we need to help people not over-identify with their employers, but rather to differentiate themselves, recognizing that they are separate, with interests that overlap but are also different from those of the organization.\n\nTo draw your attention to something all of you know, but which may fit here, humans have two competing drives: to be an individual and to be part of a group (sometimes the organization that employs them). A good bit of our work may involve helping clients navigate this seeming contradiction.\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-859\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/suit-pointing.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"427\" height=\"283\" />The task is not simple, for several reasons.\n<ol>\n 	<li>The people we coach depend on those organizations for income (i.e., food and shelter). When people accept money and other rewards from an organization, it is all too easy for that organization to become an authority figure.</li>\n 	<li>There is reciprocity. That is, organizations and the people attached to them (employees, customers, other stakeholders) owe something to each other. But it’s still important to maintain one’s individual identity to avoid the danger of losing it to the organization and then behaving inhumanly.</li>\n 	<li>Organizations resist human nature. Humans are messy. Organizations like neatness. (See Warren Bennis’ <strong><em>Why Leaders Can’t Lead</em></strong>)</li>\n</ol>\nPeople who get caught up in organization “think” may well become wealthy. The organization will reward them, but only in the ways that organizations have at their disposal, such as money and position. Organizations can’t cuddle you at night, nor can they be a friend when one is needed. Humans need to connect with other humans in human ways or they die from the inside out. (If you’re thinking, “But Dana, I worked for an organization and it was great! My boss was like a father to me! The camaraderie in the office was fantastic! We took good care of our customers!” then you’re one of the lucky ones who worked for an organization that was led by people who insisted on retaining their humanity, and who encouraged their employees to do the same.)\n\nAnd in case you’re thinking, “Well, Dana, if you work for somebody, you have to follow their rules, you don’t get to decide!” you’re right, to some degree. But I suspect that those organizations who are led by and employ a large percentage of people who successfully maintain their separate identities may be less dogmatic, more flexible, and thus far more adaptable to changing conditions. They may be more likely to retain employees when everybody else is losing theirs. They may be more likely to not just survive but have true organizational health. So it may turn out to be a win/win situation when leaders and employees insist on being human. Then, the well-being of both the organization and its humans is seen to.\n\nLeaders of organizations like this will need you, their coaches, to help them remember how to be human under the pressure of organizational demands. A lot of being human is aided by strong EQ skills. EQ humanizes the world.\n\nOK – I’ve put this out pretty dogmatically. I hope and expect other dogs to show up and help me (us?) think this through.','Can Organizations Have EQ?','','publish','open','open','','can-organizations-have-eq','','','2021-10-04 08:00:25','2021-10-04 12:00:25','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=853',0,'post','',2),(857,3,'2021-10-03 17:06:15','2021-10-03 21:06:15','','nurse pointing','','inherit','open','closed','','nurse-pointing','','','2021-10-03 17:06:15','2021-10-03 21:06:15','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/nurse-pointing.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(858,3,'2021-10-03 17:06:21','2021-10-03 21:06:21','','robot walking','','inherit','open','closed','','robot-walking','','','2021-10-03 17:06:21','2021-10-03 21:06:21','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/robot-walking.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(859,3,'2021-10-03 17:06:26','2021-10-03 21:06:26','','suit pointing','','inherit','open','closed','','suit-pointing','','','2021-10-03 17:06:26','2021-10-03 21:06:26','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/suit-pointing.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(882,2,'2021-10-18 08:00:47','2021-10-18 12:00:47','<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In my most recent post, I wrote about how organizations cannot be expected to behave humanely, any more than we would expect a refrigerator or chain saw to behave humanely. Organizations are not humans. However, humane </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">leaders</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can steer their organizations in humane directions, but only if they can avoid getting caught up in Organization-Think. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now let’s take it up a notch. Let’s look at meta-organizations, collections of organizations whose leaders and workers share a mental model, largely unconscious, that limits humane behavior. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let’s call it “Factory-Think.” <img class=\"alignright wp-image-888\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/factory-blog-post-16-shutterstock_94202290-not-smiling-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"224\" /></span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Imagine that you were a factory owner at the dawn of the Industrial Age.  Your problem: How to create an efficient, cost-effective, profitable way to produce goods. The solution? Piece work. Workers got paid by how many widgets they made in a day or week. To maximize productivity, and to ensure that every widget was like every other widget, steps and processes were created by which, say, a shirt, was put together. Every worker used the same steps – two hundred people all doing the same things every hour of every day. A similar model evolved to create assembly lines for products that were too complicated for one person to produce entirely. Cars, for example. Workers got paid by the hour, but as with piece work, did the same repetitive task over and over. One brake installer’s product couldn’t be differentiated from another’s. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In Factory-Think, craftsmen were largely relegated to the trash heap of history. They were too slow, too limited in how many widgets they could produce, and too expensive. Mass production was what succeeded!</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What might it be like to be a factory worker? What is it like to have to do the same thing over and over and over again for years? What is it like for your work to be identical to the work of the person next to you? What was it like when factory owners considered workers identical replaceable parts? Henry Ford said: “All I want is a pair of hands and I have to take the whole damn person.” Basically, people become widgets themselves. Step one in reducing humanness.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Factory-Think has been highly successful in many ways. It’s made lots of money for those at the top of the heap. And the system has been able to produce lots of goods for a rapidly growing population. As Factory-Think blossomed, a middle class emerged, raising the standard of living for a growing percentage of the population. Pretty good, right?</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what happens when a mental model, a way of thinking, works? We widen its application. If it works for X, let’s use it for Y. Turns out, widening the use of Factory-Think can be a very bad idea when applied to human services. Let’s look at three examples, and then consider implications for the future of executive coaching.</span>\n\n<b><i>Education: </i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Say you’re a municipality. You have a whole bunch of kids to educate. How do you do it? Factories provide a model. You set up systems and <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-885\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/classroom-blog-post-16-shutterstock_305122934-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"330\" height=\"220\" />processes that can be combined into a big organization (a school system) with lots of sub-organizations, called schools. That big organization organizes teachers and students in much the same way as factories organize workers and widgets. There are processes put in place. Standards to be met. (Actually, so far so good.) One fourth grade teacher is expected to produce the same outcomes as other fourth grade teachers. Many states have mandated tests of students to ensure that teachers are achieving the expected results. </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">(This sometimes results in teaching to the test.) </span></i>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now imagine Factory-Think applied not just to a municipality but to a state, and to each of the other states. That is the state of education today, our national way of thinking about educating children.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The problem? Children are not shirts or cars. They are individuals, with the messy variability that characterizes people, not mass produced goods. Woe be to the child who doesn’t match up to expectations, who can’t learn the “right” way, the way “everybody else” does, i.e., the way the system is designed to teach. Those children are seen as problems, not opportunities for creative solutions. Relegated to “Special Ed,” these children may not feel very special. The term “Special Ed” doesn’t fool anyone. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sure, there are Individual Education Plans for \"Special Ed\" kids that can suggest a break from Factory- Think. But why doesn’t every child have an IEP? Even though every child learns in his or her own way, in the name of efficiency, most children are relegated to the method that can crank out at least average results for the greatest number. Many educators today are searching for a new model.</span>\n\n<b><i>Psychotherapy: </i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As a practicing psychotherapist from the early 1970s through most of the 1990s, I was witness to, and, for a s</span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">hort time, victim of, <img class=\"alignright wp-image-898\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/psychotherapy-insurance-01-1-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"325\" height=\"216\" /> the mechanization of psychotherapy. Mechanization came to psychotherapy in the form of psychiatric diagnoses and managed care formulas for treating various “conditions.” In truth, actual people don’t fit well into psychiatric diagnoses, nor do they respond uniformly to formulaic therapy processes. Research finds statistically average improvement, but averages can hide a lot of variability.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At its best, therapy is a process that helps people become human, increasingly able to solve complex problems of living by learning and using improved emotional, cognitive, and behavioral skills. At its worst, it becomes prescribed, trying to fit humans into pre-determined processes. The potential value of psychotherapy becomes diminished. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-903\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/psychotherapy-insurance-02-1-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"362\" height=\"241\" />With psychotherapy, insurance companies take the place of factory owners, because they, like factory owners, are the ones with the money, or so most therapists have been socialized to think. Therapy is concluded not when the patient’s issues have been resolved, but when the insurance money runs out. </span>\n\n<b><i>Healthcare: </i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">My doctor wanted me to get a specific kind of x-ray. But the protocol of her large hospital system required that I get an unneeded but expensive test first. There was no room for individual judgment on her part. This highly educated, highly intelligent person became a widget in the system. </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Those of you who have had any experience with serious health issues, either your own or those of a loved one whom you shepherded through an awful illness, have probably heard, “Well, that’s the way we do things.” People who have needs that make them different from the mythical average patient are seen as<img class=\"alignright wp-image-899\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Cut-Finger-Chest-Xray-1-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"282\" height=\"220\" /> problems, which creates resentment among providers. Those patients interfere with success, which is too often gauged not by the number of people cured, but by the number of people herded through the system in the shortest time possible. To be clear, doctors, nurses, and other humans who work in the system care very much about patients and cures. But if they don’t follow Factory-Think, they don’t work there very long.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Again, having standards and protocols that meet the needs of most people </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">(the big hump of whatever bell curve is relevant)</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can have value. But humans are messy, and individual judgment is essential. That’s what professional education is for, creating the capacity for judgment. Meta-organizations create cultures that </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">discourage</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> judgment. Solving the mess that is our current healthcare system will depend a great deal on changing from Factory-Think.</span>\n\n<b><i><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-902\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Businessmen-Fixed-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"167\" height=\"221\" />The Future of Coaching: </i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We have begun to see coaching companies that have formulas for coaching. You meet with your coach X number of times for Y minutes. Your coach uses a set of procedures that the coaching company claims define good coaching. (Of course their definition of good coaching might be suspect.) By running a bunch of people through this system, the coaching company, particularly its leaders, makes a lot of money. The organizations that hire these coaching companies </span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">save</span></i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> a lot of money. Up front. On the back end, they may lose a lot of money. They might get 2X improvement from Factory-Think, when they could have had 10X improvement with a more comprehensive mental model. Further, while some clients are probably helped, those who don’t fit the system are left saying, “I tried coaching. It doesn’t work.” </span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Factory-Think isn’t a panacea for coaching any more than it is for education, therapy, or healthcare. But market forces will try to put coaching into a box. History will seek to repeat itself. </span><b><i>Please resist</i></b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is our job? There are lots of answers, but one that coaches might all agree on is that we get paid to help people and companies be successful. We get paid to work with people who must solve novel problems every day, by using good judgement and creative thinking. Our clients have to work with multiple factors, many of which can’t even be known. Factory Think won’t work for them, it won’t work for their companies, and it won’t work for their coaches.</span>\n\n<b><img class=\"wp-image-886 alignright\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/craftsman-blog-post-16-shutterstock_1100533376-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"312\" height=\"208\" />Be a crafts-person-coach.</b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> That’s easier if you are on your own. But even if you work for a coaching/consulting company that likes to operate on a common philosophy and shared values, make room for your ideas, your judgment, your creativity, your way of relating.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I do offer my EQ Leader Program manual for sale. But, if you buy it, you will read, over and over, my request that you not do the program just as I have outlined it. Rather, it is intended to be a set of resources, a set of ideas, that must be fitted to your personality and to the unique needs of the clients and organizations you serve. Hopefully you would find some things you hadn’t thought of, and I know that you will think of things that I haven’t thought of. That is one of the benefits of our being “messy” human beings.</span>\n\n<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While Factory-Think has a lot of advantages and is very efficient, it can’t solve every need. Pure craftsmanship yields fantastic products, but is slow and expensive. In Calculus there is something called an optimization problem, where you try to figure out how to adjust variables to get the best possible outcome. With some human judgment, can we apply that idea here?</span>','Factory-Think','','publish','open','open','','factory-think','','','2021-10-18 08:00:47','2021-10-18 12:00:47','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=882',0,'post','',1),(884,1,'2021-10-17 14:56:54','2021-10-17 18:56:54','','Many,Identical,Businessmen,Clones.,Businessman,Production,Concept','','inherit','open','closed','','manyidenticalbusinessmenclones-businessmanproductionconcept','','','2021-10-17 14:56:54','2021-10-17 18:56:54','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/businessmen-all-the-same-blog-post-16-shutterstock_85255096-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(885,1,'2021-10-17 14:57:22','2021-10-17 18:57:22','','Education, Elementary,School,,Learning,And,People,Concept,-,Group,Of','','inherit','open','closed','','educationelementaryschoollearningandpeopleconcept-groupof','','','2021-10-17 14:57:22','2021-10-17 18:57:22','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/classroom-blog-post-16-shutterstock_305122934-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(886,1,'2021-10-17 14:58:05','2021-10-17 18:58:05','','Carpenter,Engaged,In,Polishing,An,Unfinished,Chair','','inherit','open','closed','','carpenterengagedinpolishinganunfinishedchair','','','2021-10-17 14:58:05','2021-10-17 18:58:05','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/craftsman-blog-post-16-shutterstock_1100533376-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(888,1,'2021-10-17 14:58:38','2021-10-17 18:58:38','','factory - 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Digital Print version','The EQ Leader Program 2.0','inherit','open','closed','','cover-digital-print-version','','','2021-10-23 16:53:20','2021-10-23 20:53:20','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Cover-Digital-Print-version-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(931,1,'2021-10-23 16:53:31','2021-10-23 20:53:31','','EQ Leader Program - Module 5 - 186 Exercises','Module 5: EQ Skill Building Exercises - 186 Field Tested Exercises for Your Clients','inherit','open','closed','','eq-leader-program-module-5-186-exercises','','','2021-10-23 16:53:31','2021-10-23 20:53:31','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/EQ-Leader-Program-Module-5-186-Exercises-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(932,2,'2021-11-01 08:00:39','2021-11-01 12:00:39','<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>Here’s a fictional but realistic story that illustrates what coaching for EQ can look like.</em></p>\nJim knew marketing like nobody’s business. Not only did he have a natural flair, he worked hard to master his craft. Promotions followed achievements like night follows day. But the promotion that nearly did him in was the one that gave him a staff to supervise. His company made a classic mistake, i.e., believing that because Jim was technically skilled, he must be competent to supervise others in his area. Sadly for Jim, the skills required to create killer marketing programs are not the skills required to elicit creativity, cooperation, and dedication from others.\n\nJim had never held a leadership position. With no training to guide him, he did what came naturally. For him that was to use a pacesetter style, an unfortunate <img class=\"alignright wp-image-929\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Blog-Post-17-A-career-in-danger-pacesetter-style-yelling-shutterstock_299481071-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"274\" height=\"205\" /> choice. Pacesetters demand that everyone perform at the leader’s level. Failure to do so earns scathing criticism, with tasks often taken over by the leader.\n\nBefore long, two of Jim’s key people resigned. Both exit interviews had similar content: “I can’t work for Jim. His way of criticizing is demeaning, and he keeps all of us uptight.” Both people had liked Jim before he became their boss, and still respected his marketing talent. Hal, the Executive Vice-President, convinced both people to give the company and Jim some time to solve the problem.\n\nNot looking forward to it, Hal met with Jim. He spoke with kindness and candor: “Jim, these two resignations signal a real problem. We believe in you and want to do everything we can to make this situation successful.” Jim was actually relieved to have this conversation. He surprised Hal, who had expected defensiveness, when he quickly agreed to change. The problem was that <em>he did not know how to change</em>. Sure, he now knew what <em>not</em> to do. It was knowing what<em> to do</em> that eluded him.\n\nTo solve that problem, Hal found Jim a coach who helps executives develop missing skills. As Jim learned about coaching and how it works, he became more comfortable with the process. Coaching works like any other successful project:\n<ul>\n 	<li>Create a vision of success</li>\n 	<li>Assess where you are now</li>\n 	<li>Create a plan to get from now to the vision</li>\n 	<li>Execute the plan and measure results</li>\n</ul>\n<strong>Vision: </strong>Hal, Jim and the coach set their vision of success together. Jim would develop a leadership style that suited his personality <em>and </em>created a climate among his staff that brought out their best efforts.\n\n<strong>Assessment:</strong> Assessments are done differently, depending on the situation. In Jim’s case:\n<ul>\n 	<li>The coach talked with Jim to measure Jim’s motivation and their ability to work together.</li>\n 	<li>They got Hal’s views on specific issues and needed changes.</li>\n 	<li>Jim took an EQ assessment that measures the skills that form the bedrock of leadership.</li>\n 	<li>The coach spent a day with Jim at work, attending meetings, watching interactions, and talking with some of the staff.</li>\n</ul>\n&nbsp;\n\nAt first, Jim felt uncomfortable having his coach spend the day at the office: “Everyone will know!” Then it dawned on him. <em>Everyone</em> <em>already</em> <em>knew</em> that Jim was having trouble. Jim realized that he had the choice of whether or not to be embarrassed. He opted not to feel ashamed of having a coach. (“If pro golfers can have a coach, I guess it’s not so bad.”) He told his staff: “This is my coach. He is helping me learn how to be a good leader. I want you to speak candidly to him about me. He will tell me what gets said but not who says it. With your help, I will become the leader this department needs.”\n\n<strong>Plan:</strong> Research shows that senior managers do best when they are strong in the skills of Self-Regard, Happiness (yes, it is a learnable skill!), Interpersonal Relationships, Reality Testing (not letting emotions overwhelm the way you read a situation), and Self-Actualization. The assessment showed that Jim was weak in Self-Regard and Interpersonal Relationships. Therefore, he and his coach would work to develop those two skills.\n\nJim’s coach would also help him explore the six styles of leadership. Imitating his parents, and with no leadership training to draw on, Jim had just been doing what he knew. Crack the whip! Criticize those who can’t keep up! He had no idea that his way of leading his team had a name: Pacesetter. Nor did he know that there were other leadership styles, which could be learned and used in different circumstances for maximum effectiveness. <em>(<a href=\"http://eqleader.net/more-choices-for-leaders-last-in-the-series\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">More on this in another blog post.</a>)</em> Jim’s coach knew that developing the two skills in which he was weak would open up the possibility of Jim’s learning and using the other styles as needed.\n\n<strong>Execution: </strong>Jim’s parents had used a lot of criticism. Naturally, Jim learned to talk to himself and others in the same critical way, and carried that habit into adulthood. On a daily basis, he undermined his own Self-Regard. His coach helped him see the pattern and then taught him that he had choices about what he said to himself in the privacy of his own mind. The coach created exercises for Jim to learn how to talk with himself in a more constructive way.\n\nIt was hard for Jim to overcome what he had learned as a child, but with practice, he got results. One result, surprisingly, was that Jim needed fewer hours to do the technical side of his job. His excessive self-criticism had led him to nitpick details unproductively. His new positive comments allowed him to skip useless rechecking and focus more on creative development, his true forte.\n\nA second result was that because he was less self-critical, he was less critical of others, which improved his relationships. Once Jim became open to looking at his staff less critically, his coach was able to help him learn how to listen to his staff more appreciatively. Jim found that his staff was more skilled than he had <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-928\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/10/Blog-Post-17-A-career-in-danger-good-meetings-shutterstock_1437231809-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"249\" height=\"166\" />realized. He began to enjoy having staff meetings to brainstorm projects, using more affiliative and democratic leadership styles. The staff responded well to Jim’s interest and respect. The department’s performance grew with the improved climate.\n\nJim’s progress was not smooth. Jim slipped sometimes and went back to his old ways. His coach helped him know that these were just slips, not a wholesale deterioration. He helped Jim put the slips behind him and return to his new behaviors, which eventually became his default style.','A Career in Danger','','publish','open','open','','a-career-in-danger','','','2021-11-01 08:00:39','2021-11-01 12:00:39','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=932',0,'post','',1),(954,2,'2021-11-15 08:00:48','2021-11-15 13:00:48','Sheri was a smart, ambitious, and energetic executive. She had lifted herself up through many of the barriers that arise in all growing careers, and through many<img class=\"alignright wp-image-957 \" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_97909253-Sheri-was-a-smart-executive.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"188\" height=\"209\" /> of the barriers  unique to women leaders. How?\n\nFirst, she had the requisite talents and competencies. She brought as much to the table as anyone. Wise superiors and mentors recognized her value and leveraged it. it was win/win.\n\nSecond, Sheri maintained a can-do attitude. She never said no. It was a great asset. But it almost killed her, and it almost killed her career. She, like most of her colleagues, both male and female, had not recognized how the nature of organizations elicits co-dependent behavior.\n\n<strong>What is Co-Dependency?</strong> The term co-dependency comes from the field of addiction. As professionals were gaining an understanding of the nature of addiction, they came to recognize that people who loved the addict often unwittingly contributed to the addiction. Here’s a common example:\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-964\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_89522302-husband-wont-wake-up-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"246\" height=\"165\" />John is an alcoholic. His wife Cindy knows it. John doesn’t. One night John “ties one on.” He then drives home. The whole town is lucky he didn’t kill someone. He crawls into bed at 3 AM. He should be at work by 8 AM. Cindy tries to wake him, but it is clear that even if he wakes up, he’s in no shape to go to work. Among other things, he still reeks of alcohol. She calls John’s employer, making up a story about John being sick. In other words, Cindy takes over one of John’s responsibilities, covering for him, and not for the first time.</p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\">Then she looks outside to see John’s car. While he didn’t kill anyone, there is new damage. No  telling what<img class=\"alignright wp-image-960\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1135133864-Cindy-finds-new-damange-on-John_s-car-use-this-one-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"197\" height=\"131\" /> John hit. His license already has lots of “points.” Cindy takes the car to the shop, claiming that she was driving when the damage happened. Another rescue.</p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><em>Outcome: </em>Cindy gets burned out, hates John, perhaps starts drinking excessively herself, and may develop health problems. She might “suddenly” get out of the situation by surprising John by her demand for a divorce or by dying.</p>\n<strong><em>Notice the pattern:</em></strong> Addiction consistently leads to failures of responsibility. People who behave co-dependently fill in the resulting gaps. They can make good arguments for doing so in each specific instance, until the pattern becomes clear. In Cindy’s case, John’s job is the family’s livelihood. They have children to raise. If he loses his job, there will be serious trouble. Cindy tells herself, “I have to lie this time.” Cindy is also a naturally helpful person. She loves John and wants to support him. (Unlike some addicts, John is neither mean nor abusive.) She is so busy taking care of her own responsibilities, and filling in for John’s failures, that it is difficult for her to lift up her eyes to see the pattern herself. She defines each instance as “an emergency.” They <em>are</em> emergencies, emergencies grown in the garden of addiction. In reality, John over-spends not just money but also his energy, time, and health on alcohol.  And burns a lot of good will.\n\n<strong>What is<em> Organizational </em>Co-Dependency<em>? </em></strong>In short, Sheri is Cindy. Her organization is John. Here’s how it works.\n\nOrganizations become addicts when they chronically live beyond their resources of money and people. Symptoms of alcohol addiction include consistent overuse of alcohol and irresponsible behavior. Symptoms of <em>organizational</em> addiction include chronically asking more of people than is reasonable, and constant emergencies, often referred to as “fire drills.”\n\nAs with most of us, Sheri’s great strength is also a great weakness.  She has been rewarded consistently for her “can do” attitude. She doesn’t say no. When presented with a request, her response is to double down on effort and time devoted to work. Because she is so highly skilled and agreeable, it comes naturally to senior leaders to count on her. Sheri worries that if she were ever to say no that she would fall out of favor.\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-958\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_222328240-feeling-lonely-without-Mom-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"230\" height=\"153\" />She frequently tells her family that “an emergency has come up at work.” At first, the family made allowances and took care of what Sheri missed at home. But now, they plan on her absence and her pre-occupation when she is at home. Her husband is losing interest and her children miss a parent. Further, as Sheri moves into middle age, she doesn’t have the stamina she had in her twenties and thirties. But she still has the same work habits.\n\nAs an executive coach, I’ve worked with many people in Sheri’s boat, both men and women. Ambitious talented people rise up the ranks. Ambition encourages these people to put themselves in the position of feeding their organization’s addiction, i.e., rescuing the organization from unrealistic planning and poor use of resources. Both the organization and its star performers have difficulty seeing the pattern, engaging in denial just as addicts and their enablers do.\n\nI recently warned a former coaching client about the dangers of Organizational Co-Dependency. His response: “Have you been talking with my wife?” Apparently, I wasn’t the first to bring up the issue to him. He’s a very hard-working man whose talents have wisely been recognized by his company. Do they ask too much? If so, it isn’t uncommon.\n\n<strong><em>The Solution: </em></strong>Sheri can’t expect her organization to recognize the problem. As described in an earlier blog post (<a href=\"https://eqleader.net/can-organizations-have-eq/\">Can Organizations Have EQ? – EQ Leader, Inc.</a>), organizations can’t be expected to behave humanly because organizations are not humans. Organizations are 100% focused on their own survival and well-being. It takes the <em>leaders</em> of organizations to manage the human elements of work.\n\nSheri has a choice. She can wait until she has an emergency in her own life – husband wanting a divorce, acting out or depressed children, a health issue – to take action. Or she can use her strong intellect to get out in front of the problem. Basically, she has to learn to say no. But if she just starts blurting it out, her fears of falling out of favor are likely to come true.\n\n<strong><em>If you were Sheri’s coach, how would you help her?</em></strong>\n\nFirst, she probably needs your perspective to recognize the danger of her co-dependent behavior.  Because her behavior is not hurting you, and because you have created a trusting relationship, you are in a great position to kindly help her see the pattern. Part of your effort might be directed toward building her EQ<img class=\"alignright wp-image-963\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/coach-and-client-meeting-to-make-a-plan.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"284\" height=\"184\" /> skill of Emotional Self-Awareness. How tired is she? What feelings has she been burying about her family life? Has she been feeling some resentment toward her organization? Does she feel taken advantage of or used? Has her enthusiasm for her work been declining? Is she as mentally sharp as usual?\n\nSecond, you might help her create a plan that includes constructive ways to begin to set limits on the demands the organization is making on her. The plan will require Sheri to be assertive. Given her status in the company, she probably has some Assertiveness skill. But she may not be applying Assertiveness with her superiors. As a result, they may have no idea about her situation. They can’t know unless she tells them. You will need to help Sheri remember that Assertiveness does not consist of making threats. Assertiveness is a way of talking that leaves both parties feeling safe.\n\nIf Sheri has a good relationship with her boss, she might tell her boss something like, “I’ve come to recognize that I’ve been so focused on work that I’ve been neglecting other important things in my life. I wonder if we could explore ways to ensure that I do what I truly need to do for the company, but find alternative solutions for other things.” In other words, she would alert her boss to the pattern that Sheri herself has helped create and signal her total willingness to work something out for everyone.\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-962\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1869679858-Sheri-delegating-task-to-direct-report-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"264\" height=\"177\" />If Sheri doesn’t have reasonable trust in her boss, then you probably will need to help her work things out in a more piecemeal fashion. A partial solution often includes delegation. People who have trouble saying no are often poor delegators. Help Sheri recognize the value of delegation. It is not just for Sheri. Her people are probably champing at the bit to get new opportunities to learn and grow. Will they do something as well as Sheri? Not at first. But a leader’s job is to develop her people.\n\nAnother partial solution is to get help from colleagues. “Joe, I was just asked to do X, but my plate is really full right now. I think this project fits your skill set really well. Would you like to take a shot at it?”\n\nIt would also be helpful for Sheri to begin to set priorities at work. Sheri needs to have an honest conversation with herself about which elements of her job are truly most important and which ones are less so. This will help her focus on the right things and not be held hostage by the “tyranny of the urgent.” Then, as requests come to her, she can respond with something like: “What you’re asking sounds interesting and important.” (No sense insulting the boss.) “But I’m not sure I can do it justice with everything else on my plate. Where does this request fall in your priorities?” She can add: “In my view, I could delay X and work on this if you want. If I don’t tell you the situation, there’s no way you can make a good decision.” This kind of conversation creates a partnership with her boss, which is likely to lead to greater mutual respect.\n\nFinally, when a request comes that would be difficult to pass off, Sheri might say something like: “That sounds interesting. Here’s what I’ll need to be able to get that done,” as a way of negotiating for support.\n\n<strong><em>But wait!</em></strong> What if Sheri tries these things and they don’t work? What if she has good reason to believe that even trying them will lead to disaster? Then she has<img class=\"alignright wp-image-961\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1680527899-Sheri-decides-to-quit-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"205\" height=\"137\" /> to face the fact that the organization’s addictive behavior toward her isn’t going to stop. She probably needs to divorce her organization. That’s a painful decision, but less painful than any of the other possible outcomes. Help her realize that when she goes to her new employer, her old patterns are likely to get the old results.','Organizational Co-Dependency','','publish','open','open','','organizational-co-dependency','','','2021-11-15 08:00:48','2021-11-15 13:00:48','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=954',0,'post','',0),(957,1,'2021-11-14 20:02:45','2021-11-15 01:02:45','','Adult,Young,Pretty,Business,Woman,Working,At,Her,Office.,She','','inherit','open','closed','','adultyoungprettybusinesswomanworkingatheroffice-she','','','2021-11-14 20:02:45','2021-11-15 01:02:45','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_97909253-Sheri-was-a-smart-executive.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(958,1,'2021-11-14 20:03:17','2021-11-15 01:03:17','','Feeling,Lonely,At,Those,Moments.,Busy,Young,Man,Working,On','','inherit','open','closed','','feelinglonelyatthosemoments-busyyoungmanworkingon','','','2021-11-14 20:03:17','2021-11-15 01:03:17','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_222328240-feeling-lonely-without-Mom-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(959,1,'2021-11-14 20:04:36','2021-11-15 01:04:36','','Young,Woman,Making,Phone,Call,To,Insurance,Agent,While,Inspecting','','inherit','open','closed','','youngwomanmakingphonecalltoinsuranceagentwhileinspecting','','','2021-11-14 20:04:36','2021-11-15 01:04:36','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1109588717-Cindy-finds-new-damange-on-Johns-car-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(960,1,'2021-11-14 20:05:41','2021-11-15 01:05:41','','Car,Side,Is,Scratched,And,Scraped,With,Deep,Damage,To','','inherit','open','closed','','carsideisscratchedandscrapedwithdeepdamageto','','','2021-11-14 20:05:41','2021-11-15 01:05:41','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1135133864-Cindy-finds-new-damange-on-John_s-car-use-this-one-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(961,1,'2021-11-14 20:06:58','2021-11-15 01:06:58','','Businesswoman,Resigning,From,Her,Job,Hold,Boxes,And,Packing,Personal','','inherit','open','closed','','businesswomanresigningfromherjobholdboxesandpackingpersonal','','','2021-11-14 20:06:58','2021-11-15 01:06:58','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1680527899-Sheri-decides-to-quit-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(962,1,'2021-11-14 20:08:10','2021-11-15 01:08:10','','Businesswoman,Brought,Documents,For,Signature,To,Boss.,Signing,And,Planning','','inherit','open','closed','','businesswomanbroughtdocumentsforsignaturetoboss-signingandplanning','','','2021-11-14 20:08:10','2021-11-15 01:08:10','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1869679858-Sheri-delegating-task-to-direct-report-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(963,1,'2021-11-14 20:08:40','2021-11-15 01:08:40','','coach and client meeting to make a plan','','inherit','open','closed','','coach-and-client-meeting-to-make-a-plan','','','2021-11-14 20:08:40','2021-11-15 01:08:40','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/coach-and-client-meeting-to-make-a-plan.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(964,1,'2021-11-14 20:09:00','2021-11-15 01:09:00','','Sleeping,Young,Man,Being,Awakened,By,An,Alarm,Clock,In','','inherit','open','closed','','sleepingyoungmanbeingawakenedbyanalarmclockin','','','2021-11-14 20:09:00','2021-11-15 01:09:00','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_89522302-husband-wont-wake-up-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(971,1,'2021-11-18 00:22:24','2021-11-18 05:22:24','','cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C-1.jpg','','inherit','open','closed','','cropped-eq-leader-header-1200-x-700-c-1-jpg','','','2021-11-18 00:22:24','2021-11-18 05:22:24','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(974,2,'2021-11-29 08:00:41','2021-11-29 13:00:41','Does coaching ultimately increase profits for the organization? Research on that question is tricky. There are many, many factors that determine whether a company makes a profit. Some are under the company’s control, and others are not. That said, research cited in <strong><em>Primal Leadership: Realizing the Power<img class=\"alignright wp-image-978\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1982848973-coaching-success-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"270\" height=\"169\" /> of Emotional Intelligence</em></strong> (Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee) presents some compelling information that suggests that coaching can have a major impact on profit.\n\nThe authors reported that an organization’s emotional climate determines 20 to 30% of its profitability, i.e., companies with emotionally unpleasant climates make less money than companies with emotionally positive climates. That’s huge, given that many factors which influence profitability are outside of a company’s control. Such factors include macro-economic conditions, the actions of competitors, supply chain issues, pandemics, and so forth. But <em>company leaders <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-979\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_127213184-people-pulling-up-blue-profit-arrow-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"248\" height=\"176\" />can directly impact their organization’s climate</em>. In fact, Goleman et al found that <em>leadership style</em> controls 50% to 70% of climate.\n\nImplications for you as coach? You can help client organizations be profitable by helping their leaders learn the skills required to create a positive climate. Those skills are largely EQ-based.\n\nLet’s define what the authors mean by climate. As you read about climate, you will begin to see how EQ and your coaching can play a central role in its creation. (We will look at six leadership styles and their effect on climate in subsequent posts.)\n\n<strong><em>Primal Leadership</em></strong> defines climate as having six elements:\n\n<strong>Flexibility:</strong> The extent to which employees feel free to innovate, vs. a perception of being constrained from using their own judgment.\n\n<strong>Responsibility:</strong> The extent to which employees feel responsible to the organization.\n\n<strong>Standards:</strong> How high are the standards that employees set for themselves?\n\n<strong>Feedback/Rewards:</strong> The extent to which employees feel that the feedback they receive from leaders is accurate, and that the rewards from the organization are appropriate.\n\n<strong>Clarity:</strong> The extent to which employees understand the mission, vision, and values of the organization.\n\n<strong>Commitment:</strong>  How committed employees are to a common goal.\n\n<strong>Flexibility: </strong>Workers who believe that their ideas are respected feel better about their company than those who work for someone who thinks like Henry Ford, who once said, “All I want is a pair of hands, and I have to take the whole damn person.”\n\nHow might you coach leaders to encourage flexibility? First, flexibility is one of the sixteen EQ skills measured by the <strong><em>Emotional Quotient Inventory<sup>2.0</sup></em></strong>. <strong><em>The</em></strong> <strong><em>EQ Leader Program</em></strong> has a collection of ten field-tested exercises designed to help clients become more flexible.\n\nSecond, in my experience, many relatively rigid leaders also have a Self-Regard issue. Unconsciously, they tell themselves that they can’t adapt to more than a narrow range of circumstances. As a coach, you can help them challenge that belief. You can help them recognize times when they have learned and adapted. (Even the most rigid people have some.) When they recognize that they can be more flexible than they had thought, they can be more receptive to employees’ ideas that may be different, and may, in fact, be innovative. Remind these leaders that new ideas are often required for higher profitability.\n\n<strong>Responsibility: </strong>Good relationships bond people and organizations, leading to a feeling of mutual caring, commitment, and responsibility. Where does coaching come in? Most executives don’t know that relationships are built on the exchange of emotional information. As people share emotional information with each other, they usually become more committed to each other. The EQ skills of Emotional Expression and Interpersonal Relationships play a key role in a leader’s ability to form strong connections with followers, thereby enhancing employees’ sense of responsibility to the leader and to the organization, and to the organization’s success and profitability. The company is no longer “them.” It becomes “us.”\n\n<strong>Standards: </strong>Note that this element of climate is not about the standards leaders set for employees, but rather the standards that employees set for themselves. The more competent employees feel, the higher the standards they will set for themselves. When they live up to their own high standards, employees are in a position to help the organization succeed. Leaders can help employees feel competent by recognizing their strengths and good ideas. But this has to be genuine. To illustrate, my first job was in a healthcare system. One day, the CEO said to an employee she encountered in a hallway, “You do a wonderful job, dear. Just wonderful! . . .You do work here, don’t you dear?” Sigh!\n\n<strong>Feedback/Rewards: </strong>Clearly that CEO missed out on creating a sense of accurate feedback. Coach your clients to spend time truly engaging with followers, so that they can learn enough to be able to give accurate feedback. Doing so will also help them know how to reward each individual.\n\nDifferent people prefer different rewards, but many leaders project their own preferred rewards onto others. The EQ skill of Empathy can save your client from making that mistake. One well-meaning CEO, an extrovert who loved attention, brought a high performer up on stage in front of hundreds of people to praise him. Unfortunately, that man <em>hated</em> being the center of attention. He much preferred to work behind the scenes. The CEO unintentionally punished this high performer, not having taken the time to differentiate himself from the employee.\n\n<strong>Clarity: </strong>Everyone wants to succeed. But an employee’s idea of what constitutes success may not be accurate. Leaders must define success clearly to their followers. When followers know what success looks like, they have a real chance to achieve it. Two EQ skills that help leaders bring clarity to their definition of success are Assertiveness and Self-Regard. Assertiveness helps leaders declare their vision in ways that followers are likely to find inspiring, not threatening. To craft a meaningful mission and vision, leaders must have enough Self-Regard to believe that their ideas, and what they care about, truly matter. If they don’t believe, no one else will.\n\n<strong>Commitment: </strong>This element of climate depends on Clarity. After all, before followers can commit to a common goal, they have to know what they are committing to. But there’s more. Commitment is also about the extent to which followers find the common goal leaders articulate to be meaningful to them personally. When it’s just someone else’s goal, the employee works for the paycheck. When the leader’s goal becomes the employee’s goal, the employee works for meaning, a much more powerful motivator.\n\nHow can leaders create this kind of deep commitment in their employees? Coach your clients to use the EQ skill of Reality Testing. Your clients may have ideas about what will be meaningful to their followers, but nothing beats actually finding out.\n\n<strong>Bottom line?</strong> Emotions matter in building a profitable company. But they cut both ways. Positive emotions, those that build the six elements of climate, help<img class=\"alignright wp-image-977\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_2023047920-happy-sad-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"212\" height=\"141\" /> to create profit. Negative emotions, those that are spirit killers, erode profit. Leaders have a lot to say about which emotions followers bring to the table. You can help leaders bring out the ones that work.\n\n&nbsp;','Coaching for Profitability','','publish','open','open','','coaching-for-profitability','','','2021-11-29 08:00:41','2021-11-29 13:00:41','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=974',0,'post','',0),(977,1,'2021-11-27 00:34:30','2021-11-27 05:34:30','','Emotion,Face,On,Stack,Of,Coins,,Saving,Money,,Deposit,,Wealthy,','','inherit','open','closed','','emotionfaceonstackofcoinssavingmoneydepositwealthy','','','2021-11-27 00:34:30','2021-11-27 05:34:30','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_2023047920-happy-sad-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(978,1,'2021-11-27 00:35:23','2021-11-27 05:35:23','','Coaching,Helps,Achieving,Success,-,Pictured,As,Word,Coaching,On','','inherit','open','closed','','coachinghelpsachievingsuccess-picturedaswordcoachingon','','','2021-11-27 00:35:23','2021-11-27 05:35:23','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_1982848973-coaching-success-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(979,1,'2021-11-27 00:36:00','2021-11-27 05:36:00','','Portrait,Of,Business,Team,Pulling,Up,Bar,Using,Rope.,Growth','','inherit','open','closed','','portraitofbusinessteampullingupbarusingrope-growth','','','2021-11-27 00:36:00','2021-11-27 05:36:00','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/11/shutterstock_127213184-people-pulling-up-blue-profit-arrow-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1079,1,'2021-12-03 00:01:10','2021-12-03 05:01:10','','cropped-cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C-1.jpg','','inherit','open','closed','','cropped-cropped-eq-leader-header-1200-x-700-c-1-jpg','','','2021-12-03 00:01:10','2021-12-03 05:01:10','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/cropped-cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1086,1,'2021-12-03 00:38:13','2021-12-03 05:38:13','','cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C-1-1.jpg','','inherit','open','closed','','cropped-eq-leader-header-1200-x-700-c-1-1-jpg','','','2021-12-03 00:38:13','2021-12-03 05:38:13','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/cropped-EQ-Leader-Header-1200-x-700-C-1-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1136,2,'2021-12-13 08:00:08','2021-12-13 13:00:08','Our most recent post explained that climate controls 20 to 30% of profitability, and that leaders control 50 to 70% of climate. The better the climate, the better the profit.\n\nAs a coach, you can help leaders leverage that connection. Let’s talk about how.\n\nBasically, leaders have choices about how they lead, which in turn influences climate, though they may not realize it without your help.\n\nMany people get promoted to leadership positions because they are great students of their technical or business area, not <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1139\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_430510285-listening-to-parents-and-teachers-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"260\" height=\"184\" />necessarily of leadership. When they are thrust into leading, they do what comes naturally to them, typically modeling leaders they have known in their own lives, including parents, teachers, and previous bosses.\n\nAs a result, they develop a default leadership style and apply it regardless of the situation they face. Directive leaders tend to be directive even when it isn’t called for. Democratic leaders tend to offer choices to followers not in a position to know enough to make good decisions. Relationship oriented leaders tend to build relationships when they need to focus instead on followers’ performance. When leadership style fails to match the need, climate suffers.\n\nYour first task as coach may be to help these leaders realize that they have choices about how to lead, and that they may want to lead differently in different situations. Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis, and Annie McKee, in their book <em>Primal Leadership</em>, describe six common leadership styles, noting when they work well and when they don’t. In our <em>EQ Leader Program <sup>2.0</sup></em>, we add commentary on which EQ skills support each of these six styles. You can use this information to help clients create leadership strategies that fit different situations. Here’s how:\n<ol>\n 	<li>Work with your clients to create a mutual understanding of a particular leadership challenge they face.</li>\n 	<li>Have your clients articulate their first thoughts about what to do, which is probably their go-to default response. You are likely to hear lots of rationalization that you will need to challenge.</li>\n 	<li>Walk your clients through the consequences of using their default style in the given situation. What could go wrong?</li>\n 	<li>Share the six leadership styles and help your clients select one that fits the situation they face.</li>\n 	<li>Help your clients improve the EQ skills that this different approach requires.</li>\n</ol>\nWhen leadership style fits with the demands of the situation, there is resonance between leader and followers. Climate blooms. Let’s walk through some examples using Primal Leadership’s language. They describe six styles of leadership: Visionary, Coach, Affiliative, Democratic, Coercive (or Directive), and Pacesetter.\n\nWe’ll start with Coercive, or Directive, because it is still the default style for a great many leaders. Maybe they learned it as children from their parents or teachers. The problem? It rarely works well with adults. But it does work often enough that many leaders over-estimate its success. Most of us have experienced coercive or directive leadership in our lives, and may sometimes respond to it out of habit.\n\nThe phrases “Do it my way, and do it now,” “My way or the highway,” “Because I said so, that’s why,” and “Just do it!” describe this leadership style well. It seems so simple. Tell people what you want them to do and they do it. What could <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1138\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_125878094-Cartoon-no-feedback-needed-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"334\" height=\"263\" /> be more efficient and error free? But of course the leader is also saying, “Don’t think.” That’s a tough sell when most jobs these days require innovative thought and judgment, particularly in this knowledge economy. Followers feel insulted, and either comply with the directive, don’t think, and become generally disengaged, or insist on thinking, offer their opinions, and become known as “problem” employees who don’t do what they’re told.\n\nNow of course there are some situations in which Directive leadership is required. When the building is on fire, leaders shouldn’t ask for a vote. When these emergency situations requiring Directive leadership come up, four EQ skills are essential:\n<ul>\n 	<li><em>Emotional Self-Awareness</em>: Leaders must be sure that they are not indulging themselves, wanting to take the easy way out in a difficult but non-emergency situation.</li>\n 	<li><em>Impulse Control</em>: While leaders must think <em>quickly</em> in times of emergency before giving an order, <em>they must still think</em>, not just bark out an order impulsively.</li>\n 	<li><em>Self-Regard</em>: In a real emergency, leaders must have the courage of their convictions. People’s lives and well-being are often at stake. This is no time to communicate doubt and hesitancy.</li>\n 	<li><em>Self-Actualization</em>: It isn’t enough to be confident. Leaders must really know what they are doing, which usually requires a history of skill development.</li>\n</ul>\nHow can you help clients build these EQ skills, so they’ll be ready to be directive effectively, when they need to be? <em>The</em> <em>EQ Leader Program <sup>2.0</sup></em> has a number of field tested exercises, used by coaches worldwide, that provide ways your clients can practice and improve these skills. In fact, the <em>Program</em> includes menus of exercises for <em>each</em> of the 16 EQ skills. (Note: Should you wish to purchase just the exercises, as opposed to the entire <em>EQ Leader Program<sup>2.0</sup></em>, they are now available on <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\">Etsy</a>.)\n\nNext, consider the Visionary style. The phrase “Come with me” describes this approach.\n\nWe hear a lot about vision these days, and for good reason. Followers need an overall idea of where the organization is <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1140\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_1230782830-Visionary-Leader-Follow-Me-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"335\" height=\"223\" />going and why. Visions are not communicated in a dictatorial manner, but rather with inspiration. There is plenty of room within the visionary message for followers to find meaning for themselves, as well as to find ways that they can contribute their own ideas in the accomplishment of the vision.\n\nBeing a Visionary leader is tough work. One must be able to see significant opportunity in an uncertain future, craft a vision of that opportunity and the foundation needed to achieve it, and convince followers to fall in love with the vision and pursue it. Fortunately, the payoff is there, as research shows that this leadership style contributes to success in most business situations. There is one exception though: If your client is leading a group of peers, visionary leadership can come off as condescending, and is off putting. Other leadership styles work better when leading peers.\n\nWhen the opportunity for Visionary leadership appears, three EQ skills are particularly valuable:\n<ul>\n 	<li><em>Emotional Self-Awareness</em>: The very first step for Visionary leaders is to identify what is truly important to them. They have to know what truly matters. Otherwise, they won’t have the energy required to inspire others and lead them toward a challenging goal. As a coach, you are likely to be invaluable in helping your client do the requisite soul searching.</li>\n 	<li><em>Empathy</em>: Just as it is essential for leaders to tune in to their own feelings, they have to know what matters to their followers. Otherwise, they may have a rousing vision to “Take that hill!” only to be met with, “Who cares?” Empathy also helps Visionary leaders know how to frame their message so that it appeals to followers.</li>\n 	<li><em>Self-Regard</em>: Visionary leaders must have confidence that the vision they have created is a compelling one, one that is worth getting excited about and pursuing. If they don’t believe in it, no one else will. To be clear, we’re talking about Self-Regard here, not arrogance. Arrogance is a slippery slope, one that can lead to Coercive leadership when it is not called for.</li>\n</ul>\nAgain, <strong><em>The EQ Leader Program <sup>2.0</sup></em></strong> provides proven ways for coaches to help clients improve their EQ skills, including these and other EQ skills, or the exercises can be <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\">purchased separately</a>.\n\nIn our next blog post, we will discuss the other four leadership styles, when to use them, when not to, and how to help your clients learn to use those styles when called for. Your clients have a choice.','Leaders Have Choices','','publish','open','open','','leaders-have-choices','','','2021-12-13 08:00:08','2021-12-13 13:00:08','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1136',0,'post','',1),(1138,1,'2021-12-12 21:16:47','2021-12-13 02:16:47','','\"my,Last,Comment,Appeared,To,Be,Feedback.,Do,Not,Be','','inherit','open','closed','','mylastcommentappearedtobefeedback-donotbe','','','2021-12-12 21:16:47','2021-12-13 02:16:47','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_125878094-Cartoon-no-feedback-needed-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1139,1,'2021-12-12 21:16:59','2021-12-13 02:16:59','','Bad,Teaching,Practice.,Bossy,Teacher,Or,Parent,Hammering,Ideas,Into','','inherit','open','closed','','badteachingpractice-bossyteacherorparenthammeringideasinto','','','2021-12-12 21:16:59','2021-12-13 02:16:59','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_430510285-listening-to-parents-and-teachers-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1140,1,'2021-12-12 21:17:42','2021-12-13 02:17:42','','First,View,Of,Woman,Hiker,With,Backpack,Stands,On,Edge','','inherit','open','closed','','firstviewofwomanhikerwithbackpackstandsonedge','','','2021-12-12 21:17:42','2021-12-13 02:17:42','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_1230782830-Visionary-Leader-Follow-Me-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1149,1,'2021-12-27 08:00:38','2021-12-27 13:00:38','<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1150\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/winter-landscape-2571788-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"546\" height=\"273\" />\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\">Best wishes for happy holidays with family and friends. </span></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\">See you back here on January 3, 2022!</span></p>\n&nbsp;','','','publish','closed','open','','holidays-dec2021','','','2021-12-27 08:00:38','2021-12-27 13:00:38','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1149',0,'post','',0),(1150,1,'2021-12-17 03:23:59','2021-12-17 08:23:59','','winter-landscape-2571788','','inherit','open','closed','','winter-landscape-2571788','','','2021-12-17 03:23:59','2021-12-17 08:23:59','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/winter-landscape-2571788-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1154,2,'2022-01-03 08:00:06','2022-01-03 13:00:06','Want to help your clients make their organizations more profitable? This is the third in a series of four blog posts that provide a model for you to do just that.\n\nThus far, we’ve examined how an organization’s climate, profitability, and leadership styles relate, as reported by Goleman, Boyatzis, and McKee, in <strong><em>Primal Leadership</em></strong><em>:</em>\n<ul>\n 	<li>Companies with positive climates are much more profitable than those with negative climates.</li>\n 	<li>Leadership style directly controls 50 – 70% of climate</li>\n 	<li>There are a number of learnable leadership styles</li>\n 	<li>To maximize leader effectiveness, match leadership style to situational needs.</li>\n</ul>\nIn our <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/leaders-have-choices/?__s=xxxxxxx\">previous post</a>, we described two of the six leadership styles discussed in <strong><em>Primal Leadership</em></strong>: Coercive (or Directive), and Visionary. We looked at:\n<ul>\n 	<li>times when each of those styles can work well</li>\n 	<li>times when they shouldn’t be used</li>\n 	<li>which EQ skills support their success, and</li>\n 	<li>the five steps which you, as a coach, can take to help clients select and use the style that best fits the situation.</li>\n</ul>\nNow let’s look at two more leadership styles from <strong><em>Primal Leadership</em></strong>: Coaching and Affiliative.\n\n<strong>The Coaching Leadership Style: </strong>Leaders who coach focus on developing their followers. Basically, they ask their followers, “Where do <em>you </em>want to go?” In <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1155\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_324016742-coaching-style-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"260\" height=\"153\" />other words, rather than making assumptions, these leaders take the time to learn about the goals and interests of each follower. Using that knowledge, the leaders then devote time and energy to helping followers develop the skills and talents needed to reach their goals.\n\nIt is time consuming work, which is one reason why many leaders don’t regularly use this leadership style. But the higher in the organization your clients are, the greater the benefit there is to their spending increasing amounts of time devoted to follower development. In fact, many experts believe that CEOs should spend 50% of their time selecting and developing their people.\n\nCoaching followers works well when followers are genuinely invested in their own growth. Such followers can be great employees, because they want to get better and better. Leaders who invest their time with such people get a great payback, as does the organization. Loyalty in particular is strengthened. Think about your own experience when someone showed genuine interest in <em>your</em> growth. You probably felt that you couldn’t ever do enough for them in return.\n\nAs you might guess, coaching <em>doesn’t</em> work well with the unmotivated. As an executive coach, you may have found yourself somehow hooked into a coaching relationship which your client didn’t want. Talk about a waste of time and energy! It is the same for leaders who coach. If your clients are considering investing time in coaching followers, help them assess how responsive and invested each follower would be in development.\n\nAnother reason many leaders avoid coaching subordinates is that very few leaders know how to coach effectively. In the spring of 2022, I’ll be offering a two hour workshop for readers who want to teach their clients how to coach their direct reports. Please <a href=\"mailto:dana.ackley@eqleader.net?subject=How%20to%20Coach%20Direct%20Reports\">reach out to me</a> if you are interested.\n\nThere are five EQ skills that are particularly important for a leader who wants to coach:\n<ul>\n 	<li><em>Emotional Self Awareness</em>: The emotional signals that coach leaders send themselves, and allow themselves to be aware of, provide invaluable information about the coaching situations these leaders are in. Examples: (a) If the coach leader is feeling bored, this may signal that the follower is not engaged. (b) If the coach leader is feeling energized, it likely means that the follower’s engagement is high.</li>\n</ul>\nEmotional Self Awareness also helps leaders who coach notice when they are projecting their own feelings on to the follower, rather than tuning in to the follower’s feelings. Typically, this takes the form of assuming the follower has the same goals as the leader. For example, not everyone wants the next promotion. Which brings us to . . .\n<ul>\n 	<li><em>Empathy</em>: Leaders who want to coach must be skilled at tuning in to what the follower really wants. Is the follower highly ambitious, hoping to rise up in the organization? If so, the leader will look for the next challenging role. Alternatively, for followers who are already just where they want to be, at least for now, the leader can help followers make increasingly good use of their skills and talents.</li>\n 	<li><em>Interpersonal Relationships</em>: Research is clear that the most powerful outcome factor in executive coaching is the quality of the relationship between coach and client. The same is true when leaders coach followers. What makes a good relationship? Genuine interest in the follower’s success, non-possessive warmth (caring is not owning), emotional support, particularly when things go wrong, and tactful confrontation, i.e., the ability to have tough conversations without destroying the follower. Which brings us to . . .</li>\n 	<li><em>Assertiveness: </em>Leaders who coach must be able to tell people things they may not want to hear, in ways that are direct yet offer hope, leaving people able to hear and act upon the feedback.</li>\n 	<li><em>Social Responsibility</em>: Good coach leaders give of themselves beyond self-interest. In fact, they may find themselves developing a follower who then takes a role in a different part of the company or even in a different organization all together! Some of my most successful executive clients have been just fine with such outcomes.</li>\n</ul>\nHow can you help clients who want to coach build these EQ skills? Ready-made exercises can be found in the <strong><em>EQ Leader Program, </em></strong>which includes sixteen sets of field-tested exercises (one set for each of the 16 EQ skills measured by the <em>Emotional Quotient Inventory<sup>2.0</sup></em>). These exercises have been used successfully by coaches worldwide. You can buy the entire program if you want to, or you can purchase the exercises separately. Check them out at <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\">The EQ Shoppe – EQ Leader, Inc.</a>   Alternatively, you can come up with your own exercises, aimed at helping your clients begin to practice these skills in work situations where warranted, so that these emotionally intelligent behaviors will eventually become their new default responses.\n\n<strong>The Affiliative Leadership Style: </strong>When using this leadership style, your client will be focused on the importance of the people in their organization. The phrase that best describes this leadership style is “People matter.” Thus, when decisions and policies get made, the impact that they can be expected to have on<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1156\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_1332814700-affiliative-style-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"243\" height=\"162\" /> followers and employees in general is given great weight.\n\nTake this situation, for example. The CEO says, “Our current health insurance coverage is becoming a severe economic drain. What can we do?” Some leaders would simply focus on the dollars saved by different plans. An affiliative leader would care about the dollars, sure, but would also ask lots of questions about what employees might need. Who would be most affected by various changes in coverage? Are there creative solutions that might serve both the company and the employees?\n\nOr, let’s suppose a re-org of a senior leadership team is in order. This can get messy, creating lots of anxiety and hurt feelings. An affiliative leader will consider the impact that such a re-organization might have on careers and feelings. There may still need to be hard decisions made, but instead of just putting out a memo, affiliative leaders will have heartfelt conversations with those who may be negatively affected.\n\nCaring about people is always a good strategy. It is most important in situations where harmony and trust have been broken and are in need of repair. For clients who are stepping into such a situation, suggest that they consider beginning by using an affiliative style. One of my clients took over a highly dysfunctional leadership team that led 800 dispirited employees. His first task was to build relationships with each person on his leadership team, while at the same time helping each person learn about how to perform and deliver.\n\nThat last point is essential. The potential downfall of affiliative leadership is that the leader may become so focused on the importance of people that performance problems get overlooked. The leader may misplace trust. If this happens, others in the organization will notice, and will lose faith in your client.\n\nThere are four EQ skills that help affiliative leaders succeed:\n<ul>\n 	<li><em>Emotional Self Awareness</em>: Your clients need to attend to their own emotional signals that provide valuable information about interactions with followers. First of all, does your client really care about the followers, or is this a well-meaning façade? If the latter, others will sniff it out in a heartbeat. In this case, you, as your client’s coach, can help your client figure out what is getting in the way of genuine caring. Quite often, it is anxiety over letting people matter in case hard decisions have to be made some day. If that’s the case, you can help your client learn how to balance caring with candor, which again brings us to . . .</li>\n 	<li><em>Assertiveness</em>: Too often, affiliative leaders become pushovers where poor performance is tolerated. It is essential that caring doesn’t sacrifice performance. Example: Carrie really hopes for a promotion. John, her boss, knows that she isn’t ready. A passive approach to caring might be to lead her on, or to give her what she wants and hope for the best. Yuck! An assertive/caring message might sound something like: “Carrie, I know that you are hoping for that promotion. I applaud your ambition! But you may not realize that there are some skills which that level requires that you have not yet developed to a high enough degree. If I were to promote you now, I’d be setting you up for failure. Neither of us wants that! So instead of promoting you now, let’s figure out a plan to build those skills so that when you <em>are</em> promoted, you will have a good chance to succeed.” Your client could then pivot to being a coach for Carrie, which would be an appropriate leadership style in that case.</li>\n 	<li><em>Empathy</em>: This is pretty much a no-brainer, consistent with what makes Empathy important when using the Coaching Leadership Style. Affiliative leaders have to know what matters to their followers before they can communicate caring in a way that is meaningful and is seen as genuine.</li>\n 	<li><em>Self</em>-<em>Regard</em>: Clients who don’t respect, like, and care about themselves have little to offer followers. Someone who walks around wearing a “Kick Me” sign, whose own cup is empty, has little to share, and in fact may be looking for caring from others instead. The value of their caring for their followers is diminished. Followers want to win respect and caring from someone who is seen as strong, not weak.</li>\n</ul>\n&nbsp;\n\nAs mentioned, the <strong><em>EQ Leader Program</em></strong> provides proven ways for coaches to help clients learn and improve their EQ skills, including these four.\n\nIn two weeks, our next blog post will discuss the last two of six coaching styles, and talk about how you, as a coach, can help your clients know when and how to use them.','Leaders Have More Choices','','publish','open','open','','leaders-have-more-choices','','','2022-01-03 08:00:06','2022-01-03 13:00:06','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1154',0,'post','',0),(1155,1,'2021-12-27 17:19:47','2021-12-27 22:19:47','','Couple,Hiking,Helping,Climbing,Mountain,Concept','','inherit','open','closed','','couplehikinghelpingclimbingmountainconcept','','','2021-12-27 17:19:47','2021-12-27 22:19:47','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_324016742-coaching-style-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1156,1,'2021-12-27 17:20:28','2021-12-27 22:20:28','','Smiling,Professional,Business,Coaches,Leaders,Mentors,Posing,Together,With,Diverse','','inherit','open','closed','','smilingprofessionalbusinesscoachesleadersmentorsposingtogetherwithdiverse','','','2021-12-27 17:20:28','2021-12-27 22:20:28','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/shutterstock_1332814700-affiliative-style-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1160,1,'2022-01-09 15:45:18','2022-01-09 20:45:18','','martin-luther-king-jr-749022','','inherit','open','closed','','martin-luther-king-jr-749022','','','2022-01-09 15:45:18','2022-01-09 20:45:18','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/martin-luther-king-jr-749022-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1161,1,'2022-01-09 15:45:37','2022-01-09 20:45:37','','Businessman,Winning,Marathon','','inherit','open','closed','','businessmanwinningmarathon','','','2022-01-09 15:45:37','2022-01-09 20:45:37','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_259831685-pacesetter-leadership-style-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1162,1,'2022-01-09 15:46:00','2022-01-09 20:46:00','','Happy,Diverse,Business,People,Team,Interns,Group,And,Mature,Mentor','','inherit','open','closed','','happydiversebusinesspeopleteaminternsgroupandmaturementor','','','2022-01-09 15:46:00','2022-01-09 20:46:00','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_1233219553-Democratic-or-Participative-Leadership-style-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1164,2,'2022-01-18 08:00:02','2022-01-18 13:00:02','This is the last in a series of four blog posts that provide a model you can use to help your clients make their organizations more profitable (which of course will go a long way toward your getting ongoing business from those organizations).\n\nBecause not everyone may have read each of the previous three posts, here’s a brief review.\n\nWe started by reporting research shared by Goleman, Boyatzis, and McKee in their book <strong><em>Primal Leadership</em></strong>. That research found that an organization’s climate, profitability, and leadership styles intertwine<em>.</em>\n<ul>\n 	<li>Companies with emotionally positive climates (think EQ) are much more profitable than those with negative climates.</li>\n 	<li>Leadership style directly controls 50 – 70% of climate, which in turn controls 20 to 30% of profitability.</li>\n 	<li>There are a number of <em>learnable</em> leadership styles.</li>\n 	<li>To maximize leader effectiveness, leaders should match leadership style to situational needs.</li>\n</ul>\nIn posts two and three of this series, we described four of the six leadership styles discussed in <strong><em>Primal Leadership</em></strong>: Coercive (or Directive), Visionary, Coaching, and Affiliative. We talked about:\n<ul>\n 	<li>times when each of those styles could work well and could be used profitably</li>\n 	<li>times when they shouldn’t be used</li>\n 	<li>which EQ skills support their success</li>\n 	<li>five steps which you, as a coach, can take to help clients select and use the style that best fits the situation.</li>\n</ul>\nNow let’s look at the final two leadership styles from <strong><em>Primal Leadership</em></strong>: Democratic and Pacesetter. (We alluded to this blog post about the pacesetter style in our <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/a-career-in-danger/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">story about \"Jim</a>.\")\n\n<strong>The Democratic Leadership Style: </strong>The phrase leaders use that best captures the Democratic style is, “What do you<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1162\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_1233219553-Democratic-or-Participative-Leadership-style-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"294\" height=\"196\" /> think?” Leaders are always well advised to ask trusted followers for their opinions, because no one has all the answers. The difference with democratic leadership is that the goal is to get <em>everyone’s</em> input, in an effort to seek consensus, or at least as near consensus as possible. The democratic style works best in high stakes situations in which the leader is genuinely uncertain as to what the best course may be.\n\nImagine the impact on climate when a leader earnestly asks followers for their thoughts and opinions, especially when the stakes are extremely high. Doing so sends the message that the leader respects the intellect, perspectives, and ethics of these followers. When followers are empowered to give their opinions in a meaningful way, their sense of ownership of the problem and of its ultimate solution grows dramatically. Having everyone on the senior leadership team - and more - get behind a potentially difficult course of action is likely to galvanize the entire organization at a time when unity is particularly important.\n\n<strong><em>Example:</em></strong> Picture a company with a long successful track record. There is comfort in the leadership cadre that they know how to be successful. But such comfort can be deadly. It may surprise you to learn that the average age of companies in the Fortune 500, the most successful companies in the world, is somewhat less than fourteen years. Why? Often it is because leadership becomes complacent, failing to notice that the world is changing. But let’s say your client, the CEO, recognizes the need to change, and alerts the senior leadership team. The question to be answered, the one to which your client doesn’t yet have the answer, is what should the change be, and how should it be handled? Such a huge decision requires the input of all the experts that your client has in senior leadership.\n\nThe potential problem with the democratic style is that it can be enormously time consuming. Therefore, most leaders who use this approach effectively are judicious about doing so. They use it under two conditions likely to co-occur: (1) when there are potentially divisive issues such that consensus can prevent an uproar, and (2) when the top leader is unsure of what is the best course of action. As a result, the request for consultation doesn’t just <em>come across</em> as genuine, it <em>is </em>genuine.\n\nDon’t encourage your client to use democratic leadership in a crisis. It takes too long. Disaster will strike while everyone is debating. When the Tylenol poisoning crisis of 1982 happened, Johnson &amp; Johnson didn’t have months to figure out what to do. Its immediate actions have been widely praised for their benefit to the public and for saving the product.\n\nThere are five EQ skills that leaders need in order to use the democratic style:\n<ul>\n 	<li><em>Interpersonal Relationships</em>: Your client will get much more candor if the relationships that have been established are based on trust.</li>\n 	<li><em>Social Responsibility</em>: The kinds of situations in which democratic leadership works best are those where everyone’s welfare is on the line. Everyone is motivated to contribute. But the flip side of having everyone’s welfare on the line is that, perhaps out of fear, people will be tempted to contribute ideas that are most beneficial to themselves. The leader must look for directions that benefit most if not all stakeholders.</li>\n 	<li><em>Assertiveness: </em>Your client needs to ask for help in a way that is neither aggressive nor passive, but forthright. If the debate gets messy, as often happens, your client needs to be able to manage discussions quickly and effectively.</li>\n 	<li><em>Empathy:</em> Listening for understanding is inherent in the democratic style. In addition, your client needs to be able to recognize when a follower may, intentionally or unintentionally, be indulging a bias. Seeing things through a follower’s eyes may help your client spot times when emotions may be misdirecting the follower’s thinking.</li>\n 	<li><em>Flexibility:</em> Democratic endeavors don’t always end up in a predictable place. Your clients, and their entire senior leadership teams, need to bring a big dose of flexibility with them as they evaluate potential decisions.</li>\n</ul>\n<strong>The Pacesetter Leadership Style: </strong>Pacesetter leaders are typically highly talented, very successful, and  exceptionally <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1161\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_259831685-pacesetter-leadership-style-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"342\" height=\"228\" />motivated people, who essentially expect everyone to perform at their rarified level. Their approach can be summarized as: “Do as I do, and do it as well as I do!” Sometimes it even works. Picture a professional quarterback exhorting his team to perform. He’s yelling, screaming, and nailing anybody who dares to exhibit poor performance. The team rallies and wins the big game!\n\nWhat’s not to like? Lots of things. Pacesetter leadership really only works well when followers are as talented and as intensely motivated as the leader. For example, that quarterback is dealing with people at truly top talent levels. Remember, even the worst NFL player is an elite athlete. In addition, the goal is clear, concrete, and one that everyone is passionate about. No one wants to lose the big game.\n\nNow let’s look at a business example where a pacesetter leadership style can work: start-ups. Early on, start-ups often involve a few talented people who are highly motivated for growth and the big payoff they see down the road. If your client has such a situation, or happens to be an NFL quarterback, consider encouraging a pacesetter style.\n\nBut the vast majority of business situations cannot be described in these terms, particularly over the long haul. Companies with all stars tend not to stay together, because, well, stars want to be the big stars in their own sky. Further, as the company succeeds, it grows. As it does so, it is unrealistic to think that it will be able to draw, or even <em>need</em>, just stars. Over time, most organizations acquire a range of talent and a range of commitment to the cause.\n\nThen, when the pacesetter does his thing, for those who can’t match the pacesetter’s talent or commitment (they might have an actual life), the pacesetter’s style becomes dispiriting. In other words, it has the opposite effect from what is intended. Also, pacesetter leaders have a penchant for micro-managing rather than trusting. (They “know best,” and tend to be impatient.) Micro-managing can work for a short while if done as a part of skill development. But over the long haul, people just feel insulted. They lose rather than gain motivation.\n\nThe bottom line is that the pacesetter style works only in a very narrow set of circumstances that are not likely to persist over the life of the organization. Those who are natural pacesetters need your help to develop additional styles. Or at least to recognize when it is time to leave the company and start a new one.\n\nThere are two EQ skills that are particularly important for a leader who wants to use the pacesetter style:\n<ul>\n 	<li><em>Self-Regard: </em>That quarterback, and that start-up entrepreneur, better believe in themselves, including having an accurate read of their own talent levels.</li>\n 	<li><em>Self-Actualization:</em> Stars aren’t born fully formed. These folks have worked hard at their craft and continue to do so, which earns them a lot of respect and credibility.</li>\n</ul>\nHow can you help clients who want to use these leadership styles build the needed EQ skills? Ready-made exercises can be found in the <strong><em>EQ Leader Program, </em></strong>which includes sixteen sets of field-tested exercises (one set for each of the 16 EQ skills measured by the <em>Emotional Quotient Inventory<sup>2.0</sup></em>). These exercises have been used successfully by coaches worldwide. You can buy the entire <strong><em>EQ Leader Program,</em></strong> saving yourself many hours of program development time, or you can purchase the EQ skill building exercises separately. Check them out at <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\">The EQ Shoppe – EQ Leader, Inc.</a>   Alternatively, you can come up with your own exercises, aimed at helping your clients begin to practice these skills in work situations where warranted, so that these emotionally intelligent behaviors will eventually become their new default responses.\n\n<strong>Take-away:</strong> Now that we have discussed the pros and cons of each of six leadership styles, what is the most valuable insight you can take from this series? It is without doubt the fact that <em>no one leadership style fits all situations</em>. Does that mean that if your client’s natural bent is toward a democratic style, for example, your client will be a great leader some of the time but a sub-par leader over all?\n\nNo. What it means is that whatever their preferred leadership style may be, you can help your clients:\n<ul>\n 	<li>Recognize what that style is, when it is a good choice, and why it may not always work</li>\n 	<li>Learn about and get “good enough” at the other five leadership styles, particularly as they become relevant</li>\n 	<li>Develop the EQ skills needed to do so</li>\n 	<li>Learn to switch up leadership styles to suit the changing circumstances they face.</li>\n</ul>','More Choices for Leaders: Last in the Series','','publish','open','open','','more-choices-for-leaders-last-in-the-series','','','2022-01-18 08:00:02','2022-01-18 13:00:02','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1164',0,'post','',0),(1168,1,'2022-01-17 08:00:11','2022-01-17 13:00:11','<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>In honor of <a href=\"https://naacp.org/find-resources/history-explained/civil-rights-leaders/martin-luther-king-jr\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Martin Luther King Day</span></a>, we\'ll share our next blog post tomorrow, January 18, 2022. </strong></p>\n&nbsp;\n\n<img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1160\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/martin-luther-king-jr-749022-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"444\" height=\"592\" />','','','publish','open','open','','mlkday2022','','','2022-01-17 08:00:11','2022-01-17 13:00:11','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1168',0,'post','',0),(1195,2,'2022-01-31 08:00:59','2022-01-31 13:00:59','The word “coaching” usually brings to mind efforts to help individual clients perform better. Maybe they don’t read people well (low empathy) or maybe they shoot from the hip (low impulse control). Such coaching can have great value.\n\nBut sometimes the individual is not the right focus. Sometimes it is the organization that needs attention.\n\n<strong><em><img class=\"wp-image-1205 alignleft\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_590328137-organization-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"267\" height=\"214\" />Picture this:</em></strong> You’ve been coaching someone for a while, a senior leader in a successful organization. It’s gone well. This person is smart, engaged, and a quick learner. In other words, a joy to work with. Let’s call him John.\n\nSix to twelve months into your coaching engagement, John says, “I’m worried about my company. We’ve done awfully well for a long time. It is a good company, with good people, as you know. But I see danger on our horizon. What has brought us success for so long is getting outdated. The market is changing, and not in a good way for us. I feel like if we don’t make a significant change, our days may be numbered. But when I bring it up, all I get is resistance.”\n\nFirst, congratulations! John is telling you that you have become highly trusted.\n\nBut second, can you help him?\n\nJohn feels that he needs to figure out how on target his concerns are, and, if there’s a good chance he’s right, how to influence his organization to make some needed changes, a tall order. As John’s coach, you could work to:\n<ul>\n 	<li>Be a sounding board for John’s ideas to help him be sure his insights have some grounding. You don’t have to be a subject matter expert to be a sounding board. You simply need to allow John to listen to himself as he talks to you, and as you ask him tough questions.</li>\n 	<li>Help John know he’s not crazy. When all of your peers see things one way, and treat you as if you are a Typhoid Mary, that social pressure can create dysfunctional self-doubt. It’s pretty easy to feel “crazy.” Your role as coach can be to help John recognize that the group is likely engaging in an unconscious conspiracy to discredit his insights in order to avoid the anxiety associated with the danger he is seeing, and its implications for them.</li>\n 	<li>Help John learn more about what his colleagues are thinking. With John’s sanction, you could do a series of interviews about the future of the company in support of strategic discussions. John’s colleagues may be willing to say things to you in private that they might be reluctant to say publicly or in the group. Ask open-ended, non-biasing questions such as:\n<ul>\n 	<li>What do you see for the company five years from now?</li>\n 	<li>What are the biggest challenges the company faces?</li>\n 	<li>What are the company’s best assets for overcoming those challenges?</li>\n 	<li>Are market conditions changing, and if so, how? What are the implications of those changes for the company’s future?</li>\n</ul>\n</li>\n</ul>\nLet’s assume that John continues to be confident in his insights following the sounding-board discussions he has with you. Let’s further assume that the data from your interviews offers at least some privately expressed support that John is on to something with his concerns. If so, John will need your guidance about how to conduct a change process in his organization. Change is scary for everyone. Actually, managing anxiety about change is equally as important as the content of the change itself.\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1203\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_1909465942-coach-and-client-hands-only-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"278\" height=\"156\" />Start with helping John manage his own anxiety. Remind him that all leaders must lead their organizations into an uncertain and rapidly changing future. And yet, decisions must be made, and made based on incomplete information. No one ever has all the data needed. Leadership is not for the faint-of-heart. Having someone like you who can listen in an unbiased way, who can be a sounding board, and who can give “No BS” feedback, is a godsend.\n\nNext, John will need to deal with his colleagues’ fears. Help him build a change plan based around managing three fears natural to this situation: (1) fear of change; (2) fear of not changing; and (3) fear of not knowing <em>how</em> to change. Let me explain.\n\n<strong>Fear of Change: </strong>Help John understand that the denial his colleagues are presenting him with is really fear of change. And they have a point. Basically, John is asking them to give up what has worked well, in exchange for an unknown (uncertain) strategy, the proverbial “pig in a poke.” (In centuries past, a poke was a bag that kept a potential buyer from actually seeing the pig being offered for sale.)\n\nAs long as John tries to argue with his colleagues logically, his efforts are doomed. Their anxiety is understandable, but non-logical. Therefore, logic can’t touch it. John’s colleagues have invested years of effort and lots of their self-esteem in their current approach. They have a right to be fearful of change. But that’s not a good enough reason to march off a cliff, lemming-like.\n\n<strong>Fear of Not Changing: </strong>John has to find a way to make his colleagues more afraid of <em>not</em> changing than changing. How? John might share a little recognized<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1202\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_2074666276-heading-for-disaster-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"297\" height=\"167\" /> but perhaps startling fact: The average age of companies in the Fortune 500 is only fourteen years. These huge companies, that have achieved the very pinnacle of success, are vulnerable to becoming irrelevant, just like any other company, including John’s.\n\nWhat makes them vulnerable? Failure to adapt. It is tempting to believe that one has found the secret of success. It is hard to be more successful than becoming a Fortune 500 company, and yet they fail. The threat of failure gets hidden in many leaders’ minds by the money on the balance sheet, and in their executive compensation. That money isn’t necessarily greed, though it certainly can be. Money is a way of keeping score. But group-think that protects the status quo becomes dangerous.\n\nThe reality is that the world changes. What worked yesterday, what is working even today, may not work so well tomorrow. For ongoing success, the company will need to figure out how to adapt.\n\nAssuming that John has gained their attention without a frontal attack, his colleagues might be open to at least looking at the information about their company that John has put together, perhaps with your help from those interviews. If John has succeeded in making their fear of <em>not</em> changing more intense than their fear of change, the only way they will be able to reduce their anxiety (which the human brain is highly invested in doing) is to change. And suddenly, they will want to.\n\n<strong>Fear of Not Knowing How: </strong>But now John’s colleagues will have a new fear. They probably don’t know how to make the needed change. John’s vision for a new direction likely involves doing things that the company hasn’t done before, and therefore doesn’t yet know how to do.\n\nThe solution is to figure out what new skills will be needed and find a pathway to learning them. Maybe the company needs to figure out a different approach to <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1204\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_1398429539-skills-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"271\" height=\"135\" />marketing. Maybe it has to redesign its products or services. John’s colleagues are smart people. Properly motivated, they can learn new skills! John will do well to find and share concrete ways that everyone can use to learn the needed new skills.\n\nNow consider what you have done for John as his coach. You have helped him cut through deafening noise by teaching him some things about human nature. As a result, he can better understand why his colleagues are acting as they are. His more accurate interpretation prepares him to respond more intelligently. And you’ve given him a roadmap to do just that. Nice work!\n\nYou can find an extended discussion of this process in <strong><em>The EQ Leader Program<sup>2.0</sup></em></strong> manual on pages 255-261. This information about organizational culture change is one of twenty-five coaching tools the manual offers. To see a list of the twenty-five tools, and to get an idea of what else is included, please go to <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/flipbook/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><em>The EQ Leader Program <sup>2.0</sup></em></strong> by Dr. Dana Ackley</a>','Sometimes It\'s Not Your Client','','publish','open','open','','sometimes-its-not-your-client','','','2022-01-31 08:00:59','2022-01-31 13:00:59','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1195',0,'post','',0),(1202,1,'2022-01-29 02:18:48','2022-01-29 07:18:48','','Gauge,With,Label,\"heading,For\",With,Needle,Nearing,\"disaster\",(3d','','inherit','open','closed','','gaugewithlabelheadingforwithneedlenearingdisaster3d','','','2022-01-29 02:18:48','2022-01-29 07:18:48','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_2074666276-heading-for-disaster-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1203,1,'2022-01-29 02:19:24','2022-01-29 07:19:24','','Confident,Male,Applicants,Speak,At,Job,Interviews,To,Answer,Serious','','inherit','open','closed','','confidentmaleapplicantsspeakatjobinterviewstoanswerserious','','','2022-01-29 02:19:24','2022-01-29 07:19:24','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_1909465942-coach-and-client-hands-only-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1204,1,'2022-01-29 02:19:45','2022-01-29 07:19:45','','Skills,Education,Learning,Personal,Development,Competency,Business,Concept.','','inherit','open','closed','','skillseducationlearningpersonaldevelopmentcompetencybusinessconcept','','','2022-01-29 02:19:45','2022-01-29 07:19:45','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_1398429539-skills-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1205,1,'2022-01-29 02:20:00','2022-01-29 07:20:00','','Organization,Text,Viewed,Under,Magnifying,Glass,Illustration','','inherit','open','closed','','organizationtextviewedundermagnifyingglassillustration','','','2022-01-29 02:20:00','2022-01-29 07:20:00','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/01/shutterstock_590328137-organization-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1212,2,'2022-02-14 08:00:56','2022-02-14 13:00:56','Sometimes it helps us have the courage needed to do our work as coaches if we remember the value we bring. A 2021 article in the <strong><em>Consulting Psychology Journal</em></strong> by Robert Hogan, Robert Kaiser, Ryne Sherman, and Peter Harms <em>(“Twenty Years on the Dark Side: Six Lessons about Bad Leadership”)</em> provides important data.\n\nFor those of you not immersed in psychological literature, the <i>Hogan Suite</i> of psychological assessments, which the authors relied on for much of their data, is one of the most widely used suites of assessment tools in business psychology. It is particularly effective in predicting leadership success . . . and its absence. Due to the <i>Hogan’s</i> widespread use, and the authors’ dedication to ongoing research, you can trust that the insights they provide are based on hard evidence.\n\nIn their article, the authors provide stunning numbers concerning the incidence of bad leadership in modern organizations. For example: “. . . published<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1219\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_464214113-Failed-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"201\" height=\"134\" /> estimates of managerial failure range from 30% to 65%, with an average around 50%.” Think about that for a minute. Half of the people put in charge of other people’s work fail! Thus, there is no shortage of need for coaches who can help managers succeed.\n\nBut wait! There’s more!\n\nThe authors write: “The principal cause of disease is stress. Employees report that work is a major source of stress, and that their manager is the most stressful aspect of their job and is the primary reason they quit.” When you, as a coach, help a manager or leader succeed, you are not just helping that individual. In addition, you are improving the health of everyone who works under that person.\n\nThe authors cite research that shows that removing toxic managers has a sizeable effect on reducing burnout. Toxic management is so powerful that it increases burnout faster than good leadership can prevent it! Coaches can help managers and leaders overcome and diminish their toxic behavior. What a gift you are to those who must work for someone else.\n\nAlmost no one sets out to be a toxic leader. Bad leaders don’t think, “Let’s see how awful I can make people feel today, how hopeless, how powerless, and how undervalued.” The vast majority of bad leaders want very much to do a good job. They just may not know how. Or, more to the point, while they may relate reasonably well when everything is rolling along, they may not know how to do a good job when they are under stress.\n\nBut stress and leadership go hand in hand. Leaders looking for low stress work are in the wrong job. A leader’s job involves helping their people deal with problems. Problems cause stress. The process of s<em>olving</em> problems causes stress. Stress often brings out the dark side of a leader and an employee.\n\nUnder stress, leaders may get irritable, even abusive. Or they may withdraw, engaging in what is called absentee leadership. For whatever reason, absentee <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1217\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1813003909-absentee-leader-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"197\" height=\"131\" />leaders are essentially disengaged. As such, they don’t offer workers needed guidance, goals, or feedback. That results in workers who have no idea how to be successful. Typically, the only time workers hear from an absentee leader is when something goes wrong that simply can’t be ignored. Then workers need to watch out!\n\nTrue story: An elementary school principal, let’s call her Ruth, didn’t particularly like one of the custodial staff who worked in her school. She found the woman annoying, and didn’t care for the way she did her job, or the small decisions she made day to day. But because Ruth tended to avoid conflict, and didn’t know how to offer constructive criticism, she never said a word to the woman. As a result, the woman assumed<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1220\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_168150254-fired-on-the-spot-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"201\" height=\"132\" /> she was doing an OK job. Then one day, when Ruth was in a bad mood because of something totally unrelated, the woman did some small thing that Ruth considered to be the last straw. Ruth called the woman into her office and fired her on the spot. The woman was flabbergasted! As I said, workers need to beware of absentee leaders!\n\nHow common is absentee leadership, i.e., the withdrawal from leadership responsibilities? Research shows that it is the most common form of destructive leadership. The authors cite research that finds that absentee leadership is seven times more common than abusive leadership. But, because it is almost invisible, absentee leadership often goes unnoticed by superiors.\n\nCoaches are in a great position to help clients learn how to approach problems rather than avoid them. Ask your client to talk with you about who works for them and how those people are performing. You will soon hear complaints about performance.\n\n“Have you spoken with Joe about your concerns?”\n\n“No.”\n\n“What is stopping you?”\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1218\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1283698579-Joe-just-doesnt-care-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"196\" height=\"130\" />“Joe just doesn’t care.”\n\n“That’s possible. Some workers don’t care, and that’s all there is to it. But most people really want to care about their jobs. After all, they spend a lot of time working. Working in a job you don’t care about is very stressful. Let’s drill down about Joe. What makes you think he doesn’t care?”\n\n“As I said, he just does enough to get by.”\n\n“Oh, right, sure. But I wonder why?”\n\n“I don’t know.”\n\n“Maybe it would be good to talk with Joe and find out. Maybe this is a fixable problem.”\n\n“I wouldn’t know how to begin to have that conversation.” (Now you’re getting somewhere.)\n\n“That’s what you’ve got me for. Let’s do a little role play and see if we can figure out a good approach.”\n\nAs you do your role play with your various clients, a number of coaching opportunities are likely to come up. One is the opportunity to work on anxiety tolerance. Your clients will have to tolerate the anxiety of an awkward, difficult conversation. You can help your clients stay with the anxiety, rather than withdrawing, in at least three ways. First, predict it. Then when your clients feel the anxiety, they won’t be surprised and automatically withdraw. Second, help them know that having a plan for this conversation, that you help them create, will help them feel calmer. Third, help them visualize the potential benefits of having problem employees like Joe come to care about their work.\n\nIn addition, help them be prepared to re-interpret the behavior of employees like Joe. There are lots of possibilities that your clients could listen for, including:\n<ul>\n 	<li>Maybe “Joe” cares a great deal but is in over his head.</li>\n 	<li>Maybe “Joe” is having personal issues.</li>\n 	<li>Maybe “Joe” is afraid of his manager (your client!)</li>\n</ul>\nJust giving your clients some ideas about what else might be going on with employees like Joe can create an impetus to really listen to these employees. Genuine listening leads to creative problem solving.\n\nLet’s say you have a successful coaching session with your client, who then has a successful conversation with Joe. Look at what you’ve done! You’ve improved a<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1216\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1974242759-coaches-bring-value-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"219\" height=\"123\" /> key working relationship. You’ve reduced stress for both of these people, and probably their families as well, and thus improved their health. And you’ve made an important contribution to the success of the company. Coaches do bring value!','Coaches Make a Difference','','publish','open','open','','coaches-make-a-difference','','','2022-02-14 08:00:56','2022-02-14 13:00:56','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1212',0,'post','',0),(1216,1,'2022-02-10 01:42:02','2022-02-10 06:42:02','','Coaching,Open,The,Way,For,Happiness,And,Brings,Joy,-','','inherit','open','closed','','coachingopenthewayforhappinessandbringsjoy','','','2022-02-10 01:42:02','2022-02-10 06:42:02','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1974242759-coaches-bring-value-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1217,1,'2022-02-10 01:42:49','2022-02-10 06:42:49','','Middle,Age,Handsome,Grey-haired,Business,Man,Wearing,Elegant,Shirt,And','','inherit','open','closed','','middleagehandsomegrey-hairedbusinessmanwearingelegantshirtand','','','2022-02-10 01:42:49','2022-02-10 06:42:49','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1813003909-absentee-leader-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1218,1,'2022-02-10 01:43:38','2022-02-10 06:43:38','','Bored,At,Work,Concept,,Tired,Unmotivated,Male,Worker,Wasting,Time','','inherit','open','closed','','boredatworkconcepttiredunmotivatedmaleworkerwastingtime','','','2022-02-10 01:43:38','2022-02-10 06:43:38','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1283698579-Joe-just-doesnt-care-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1219,1,'2022-02-10 01:43:59','2022-02-10 06:43:59','','Failed','','inherit','open','closed','','failed','','','2022-02-10 01:43:59','2022-02-10 06:43:59','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_464214113-Failed-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1220,1,'2022-02-10 01:44:22','2022-02-10 06:44:22','','Angry,Woman,Boss,Pointing,Out','','inherit','open','closed','','angrywomanbosspointingout','','','2022-02-10 01:44:22','2022-02-10 06:44:22','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_168150254-fired-on-the-spot-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1230,1,'2022-02-17 17:41:12','2022-02-17 22:41:12','','cropped-winter-landscape-2571788-scaled-1.jpg','','inherit','open','closed','','cropped-winter-landscape-2571788-scaled-1-jpg','','','2022-02-17 17:41:12','2022-02-17 22:41:12','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/cropped-winter-landscape-2571788-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1241,2,'2022-02-28 08:00:12','2022-02-28 13:00:12','Thanks to COVID, pretty much every organization a coach visits these days has more stress than it did two years ago. Want data? The demand for mental health services is at an all time high. People are acting out their fear and anger in unsocialized ways, including more violence, parents yelling at school boards, political<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1249\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1708840009-fraying-rope-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"181\" height=\"121\" /> hysteria, alienation based on COVID attitudes, increased traffic accidents, you name it. It is a rising tide floating all boats into treacherous waters.\n\nThe impact on organizations has been immense, with leaders having to face near impossible questions. “Will we be able to stay in business?” “Should we work at the office or at home?” “When should we go back to the office?” “What policies should we have about vaccinations? Masks? Social distancing?” “Should we fire employees who won’t get vaccinated?” “Do we really have to reconstruct our entire ventilation system?”\n\nWhile case counts are dropping dramatically as of this writing, no one really knows the future, so we also have the stress of <em>that</em> uncertainty. About the only thing that seems certain is that COVID will be around in some form for the foreseeable future. Finally, pretty much 100% of us are sick to death of having to think about COVID at all.\n\nYou, in your capacity as coach, can help leaders deal with these formidable challenges. No, you won’t be able to give them all the answers to their questions about dealing with a COVID world. But you will be able to give them something better: a skill set that can be used not just in <em>this</em> crisis, but in every crisis that will come in their future. When you do, you will not only be saving your client organizations a great deal of healthcare money that would have been spent on stress-related illnesses, you will be reducing suffering and increasing access to the creativity inherent in your clients and in those who work for them. The organization that pays you will truly be getting its money’s worth.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nWhat can you do? Teach resilience.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nStress, such as that related to COVID, can cause poor work performance, illness, and even death, but the psychological skills that comprise resilience can mitigate that risk. Two researchers, Dr. Salvatore Maddi, a University of Chicago psychology professor, and Suzanne Kobasa, a graduate student, identified those factors in the 1980s. Since then, studies have repeatedly verified that the findings of that early research were on target. Let’s begin with the story.\n\nIn 1984, the Supreme Court broke up Ma Bell. This had a huge impact on its executives. In those days, if you got a job at Bell, you had a job for life. Your life had a plan. You adapted to the company and knew how to succeed. Back then, people were not getting new jobs every two or three years as is so common today. Once you got a job at Bell, you simply didn’t know another life. Bell <em>was</em> your life.\n\nWhen the Supreme Court broke up the monopoly that was Bell, deregulation threw everything up for grabs, including job security. Lives were thrown into turmoil. This was a huge stressor, every bit as impactful on Bell’s executives as COVID has been worldwide.\n\nMaddi and Kobasa wondered how these events would affect Bell executives, in particular the executives at Illinois Bell, whom they had been studying.\n\nPrevious research showed that about 20% of people experiencing this magnitude of stress would become seriously ill, and that 5 to 7% of those people would die as a result. The research at Illinois Bell was designed to identify the characteristics of people who would do well versus those who would succumb to illness and death.\n\nNaturally, given that they were looking for impacts on physical health, Maddi and Kobasa first examined health histories. Those histories provided no <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1247\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1465280645-OK-Fine.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"172\" height=\"172\" />prediction of who would thrive and who would get sick and/or die. For example, a history of coronary heart disease did not push a person into the group likely to get sick.\n\nThen they looked at psychological attitudes. They found that three specific attitudes differentiated those who stayed well from those who got ill. Later studies have found that these same three attitudes can also help people recover from life-threatening illnesses. These attitudes are called the <strong>Three</strong> <strong>C’s of Psychological Hardiness. </strong>Teach them to your clients.\n\n&nbsp;\n<ol>\n 	<li><strong><u>C</u></strong><u>hallenge</u><em> (versus threat).</em> Executives who perceived deregulation as an ongoing threat had trouble. They experienced anxiety without relief. Over time, this anxiety depleted their body’s resources, making way for physical breakdown.</li>\n</ol>\n&nbsp;\n\nExecutives who defined deregulation as a <strong><u>c</u></strong><u>hallenge</u> said something like this to themselves: “Boy, this looks tough. But I have faced tough situations before, and<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1250\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1754738726-hopping-over-obstacles-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"207\" height=\"118\" /> I can handle this too.” They consciously recalled various challenges in their lives and the successful ways that they had handled them. Those memories gave them confidence and tools for the future.\n\nIn working with your clients, as they talk about their worries going forward, ask them what they have done to cope with other hard times. What has worked for them? As they re-focus their attention from danger to possibilities, they will create access to their resources.\n\n&nbsp;\n<ol start=\"2\">\n 	<li><strong><u>C</u></strong><u>ommitment</u><em> (versus denial). </em>Many executives denied that deregulation was coming. Think about that, and wonder in awe at the power of denial. The Supreme Court didn’t wake up one Monday morning thinking, “Hey, let’s break up Ma Bell! That would be fun!” No, this was an outcome years in the making. And yet, many Bell executives allowed themselves to live a fantasy.</li>\n</ol>\n&nbsp;\n\nThen, when “the unthinkable” happened, they got sick. Denial had kept them from being pro-active, laying the groundwork for what lay ahead. When one’s only defense against terror is denial, unrelenting emotional turmoil occurs when denial crashes in the face of undeniable reality. Again, the body eventually breaks down.\n\nExecutives who did well acknowledged their coming new reality, and helped dissipate the accompanying anxiety by dealing with it earlier, in smaller chunks. They made a commitment to change what needed changing in order to adapt to their new situation, and made a plan. They were able to commit themselves to this process because they valued themselves enough to rise to the situation. (They didn’t think of themselves as helpless victims.)\n\nBut they also cared about something larger than themselves. As a result, they committed themselves to adapt, not just for their own sakes, but for the wellbeing of their families, their churches, their companies, and their communities. In other words, something larger than themselves.\n\nMaking this commitment to others is particularly important. Those overwhelmed by crumbling denial became alienated from those around them. Intense fear, <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1248\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1548477638-hands-up-working-together-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"247\" height=\"139\" />such as that which the deniers experienced, makes people self-centered. Moderate anxiety, such as that experienced by those committed to change, encourages us to connect with others to create a shared preferred future.\n\nIn working with your clients, help them face reality. Your emotional support can create an opening. Then help them think through a plan that benefits them and their organizations going forward. And help them recognize the value and need for them to join with others in commitment to something larger than themselves.\n\n&nbsp;\n<ol start=\"3\">\n 	<li><strong><u>C</u></strong><u>ontrol</u><em> (versus helplessness):</em> Those executives who experienced themselves as helpless (“I can’t control the Supreme Court”) got sick. They perceived external factors as in full control of their world. Executives who did well said, “I cannot control deregulation. But I <em>can</em> control my reaction to it.”<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1251\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1767702941-when-you-cant-control-whats-happening.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"160\" height=\"160\" /></li>\n</ol>\nYour clients can’t make COVID go away. But they <em>can</em> control how they respond to the ongoing endemic threat which this set of diseases presents, as well as the associated adaptations which most people are likely to have to make. As your clients focus on what they <em>can</em> do, instead of what they can<em>not</em> do, they will be empowered to take positive, constructive steps.\n\nIn EQ language, resilience is Optimism. <strong><em>The EQ Leader Program <sup>2.0</sup></em></strong> has a menu of exercises designed to help executives learn, with your guidance, how to strengthen their capacity for resilience. If you want the exercises to share with your clients, but don’t want to buy the whole program, you can get them <a href=\"https://www.etsy.com/listing/1101881331/eq-skill-building-exercises-module-5?utm_source=eqleaderincstorefron&amp;utm_medium=api&amp;utm_campaign=api\">here</a>.','Coaching for Resilience','','publish','open','open','','coaching-for-resilience','','','2022-02-28 08:00:12','2022-02-28 13:00:12','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1241',0,'post','',0),(1247,1,'2022-02-26 21:28:53','2022-02-27 02:28:53','','shutterstock_1465280645 - OK Fine','','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_1465280645-ok-fine','','','2022-02-26 21:28:53','2022-02-27 02:28:53','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1465280645-OK-Fine.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1248,1,'2022-02-26 21:29:09','2022-02-27 02:29:09','','Freedom,Independent,The,Light,And,Shadow,Image,Of,A,Person','','inherit','open','closed','','freedomindependentthelightandshadowimageofaperson','','','2022-02-26 21:29:09','2022-02-27 02:29:09','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1548477638-hands-up-working-together-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1249,1,'2022-02-26 21:29:35','2022-02-27 02:29:35','','Weakness,,Vulnerability,And,Single,Point,Of,Failure,Concept,With,Worn','','inherit','open','closed','','weaknessvulnerabilityandsinglepointoffailureconceptwithworn','','','2022-02-26 21:29:35','2022-02-27 02:29:35','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1708840009-fraying-rope-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1250,1,'2022-02-26 21:30:03','2022-02-27 02:30:03','','Arrows,Jumping,Over,A,Red,Obstacle,,Black,Background.,Concept,Of','','inherit','open','closed','','arrowsjumpingoveraredobstacleblackbackground-conceptof','','','2022-02-26 21:30:03','2022-02-27 02:30:03','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1754738726-hopping-over-obstacles-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1251,1,'2022-02-26 21:30:22','2022-02-27 02:30:22','','Inspirational,Quotes.,When,You,Can\'t,Control,What\'s,Happening,,Challenge,Yourself','','inherit','open','closed','','inspirationalquotes-whenyoucantcontrolwhatshappeningchallengeyourself','','','2022-02-26 21:30:22','2022-02-27 02:30:22','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/02/shutterstock_1767702941-when-you-cant-control-whats-happening.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1257,2,'2022-03-14 08:00:45','2022-03-14 12:00:45','<strong>Thought experiment:</strong> Imagine that you are Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy’s (yes, there are two y’s at the end of his name) executive coach.  How might you approach this assignment? What are the issues that you would have to think through? What emotions might you experience? And finally, how might your thinking about this assignment inform the way you approach your real-life coaching assignments?\n\nFor myself, I’d first have to get past the awe I have for Zelenskyy’s courage and accomplishments to date, even before the invasion. Being in awe of our clients<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1259\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_1674464212-President-Zelenskyy-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"224\" height=\"149\" /> rarely serves them well. Emotional Self-Awareness with regard to what we feel for our clients is essential. If we’re not tuned into those emotions, unhelpful ones could lead us astray.\n\nMy own conceptualization of the problem goes this way: President Zelenskyy and the Ukrainian people seem to have experienced an initial galvanizing adrenalin rush in responding to being invaded. Their sense of unity appears to have been intensely inspiring. But as the Russians, with their superior numbers and armaments, slog on, and as Putin’s incredibly thin veneer of civilization peels away, allowing him to authorize unspeakable brutality, the initial adrenalin rush may wear thin. How does President Zelenskyy go about leading his people through the long haul?\n\nTo be clear, I’m not asking about military strategies. I’m asking about leadership strategies, in the most difficult situation I can imagine. I’ve never been in a coaching assignment with consequences anywhere close to the consequences that this one has. Have you? Outcomes of death and the destruction of a country far outweigh the worst outcomes we might witness in our normal work, which usually involve things like firings and bankruptcies. It’s hard, but you can recover from those. Recovering from war is much, much harder. For some, impossible. So, what could we offer?\n\nIn preparation for writing this post, I consulted the Listserv of the Society of Consulting Psychology (Division 13 of the American Psychological Association). Members of SCP include many of the top executive coaches in the country, if not the world. Many thanks to those who responded.\n\nIn reading observations from my colleagues, the first thing I realized was how little I truly know about Ukrainian and Russian cultures. If our job as coach is to help clients predict their own and others’ behavior, we need to know something about the cultures of those involved.\n\nThe first step, for me at least, would be to recognize that I’m looking at the situation through an American prism. How I imagine that Ukrainian and Russian people will think, feel, and behave is likely to be wrong much of the time. Kerry Cronan, an Australian psychologist and coach, informed me that, “A critical characteristic of the Slavic cultures is that they are much more communal in their approach, as distinct from the mentality of the individualistic Westerners.” So, my ignorance would be a real problem. To be useful as a coach to President Zelenskyy I would have to put myself on a steep learning curve about Ukrainian and Russian cultures.\n\nMy potential misinterpretation of Russian and Ukranian thinking becomes compounded if I’m also unaware of my own American assumptions and biases. So coach self-awareness would be critical.\n\nTo tie this thought experiment back to our real coaching work, it is important to remember that culture is relevant every time we enter into a different organization. Each organization has a culture that shapes the thoughts, feelings, and behaviors of its members. Therefore, we need to get on a steep learning curve about the organization, never assuming, for example, that because we have successfully coached one large financial institution, we have the next one nailed.\n\nAs we enter into our fictional relationship with President Zelenskyy, we’d need to do a lot of listening, and ask intelligent questions. In addition to the valuable schooling this would give us in the Ukrainian culture, doing so would also have great value for President Zelenskyy. As he explained things to us, he would become more observant of his own thinking, giving him access to his own assumptions that may or may not be useful. Our listening and learning actually would help him think more clearly. (The same is true of the listening and learning we do with each client. Letting our clients explain things from their point of view is never a waste of time.)\n\nAs a part of our cultural learning curve, it would also be important to talk with as many of the President’s associates as practical. (I say as much as practical, because there is a war going on, after all.) In addition to sharing elements of their Ukrainian culture, these associates could also tell us about their observations of the President’s approach, what seems effective from their point of view, and what they worry about. In other words, doing a set of 360 interviews on the fly would give us a broader cultural perspective as well as allowing us to get more grounded on the man himself. Doing a set of 360 interviews, as time and resources allow, can be an invaluable tool for us with our real clients as well.\n\nI always find it valuable to talk with my client’s colleagues. Otherwise, I’m only seeing the world through my client’s eyes, and I run the risk of becoming shaped by the limits of my client’s perspective, instead of helping him or her expand that perspective. (Of course, such opportunities typically become available to us only when we are hired by the organization, as opposed to seeing someone privately in our office.)\n\nWith regard to learning about Russian culture, so that you could help the President think through how he might respond to this or that, you probably wouldn’t get a lot of access to the Russians on the other side of the battlefield. You would have to find alternate ways to learn, such as reading, or talking with people who had lived in Russia. (Likewise, if you are coaching at GM, and want to predict the behavior of competitors, you probably wouldn’t get a lot of access to the folks at Toyota. In this kind of situation, you would have to do some indirect learning as well, maybe by talking with people who now work at GM but who may have worked at Toyota previously.)\n\nWith regard to Russia, Kerry Cronan added:\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">“The approach I found in Russia is to have a credible person to work with and then outreach to affirmative colleagues and work with the group. Yes, there are bully attitudes that can faze the Western outlook, but this is a process of working out the correct decision processes of the group. However, I believe that the issue with Putin is more related to a Czaristic style of governance that aims to rule by taking advantage of the collegial approach - often described by Russians as \"Haos Ruski\" - Russian chaos. I cannot say that I can completely understand the complexities of Russian culture in working with them - but importantly, Westerners need to understand their vulnerability and blend with the seemingly chaotic environment.”</p>\nSee how complicated this is? Humility would be essential in a coach with this assignment. It’s not a bad characteristic for coaches in general, though don’t confuse humility with low self-regard. Humility in this case would simply allow you be comfortable with the fact that there is a lot you don’t know, prompting you to be open to asking questions and learning.\n\nIn addition, John Fennig, a psychologist/coach/consultant in Minnesota, talked about the importance of “assisting in securing resources” in this kind of a situation. As you talk with the President’s associates, just as when you talk with the associates of your real clients, you may discover options for obtaining resources and ways of “connecting dots” that had not yet been put together by the leaders involved. It is easy to miss things that “everybody knows,” except when they don’t.\n\nFinally, how would you deal with the sheer terror of this situation? How would you manage your own fears, <em>and</em> help the President manage his? And, beyond reducing discomfort, what would make managing fear so important in this situation?\n\nOne of the chief dangers of war, I’m told, is miscalculation in what is called the “Fog of War.” Such miscalculations can lead to escalations, more brutality, and the widening of conflict. I’m fortunate that I’ve never had to experience war personally, so take what follows as speculation, informed by what I’ve learned over a lifetime as a psychologist.\n\nI suspect that much of the “Fog of War” is linked to the amygdala. The amygdala’s job is to scour the environment for threats, and, when it thinks it sees one, to alarm us (to make us feel anxiety, anger, or even terror) so that we are motivated to take action. However, the amygdala is prone to seeing danger where none exists, and to exaggerate the danger of actual threats, encouraging us to take extreme action. (It “thinks” things like, “Better safe than sorry,” and “Live to fight another day!”) Therefore, it is essential not to trust our first impulses when we are terrified or furious. We need to assess the “danger” carefully, and reality test our impressions.\n\nIn a situation where death is a genuine threat, anxiety is warranted, certainly, but it is easy for anxiety to get out of control, leading to those miscalculations so common in war. In this case, the amygdala might encourage someone to drop The Bomb, or encourage NATO to create a “no-fly zone” over Ukraine. The Bomb is always a bad idea. But reasonable people might disagree about the no-fly zone. Such decisions, however, need to be made by our prefrontal cortex, not the amygdala. With that in mind, President Zelenskyy would need your help in managing his anxiety, so that he could make the best decisions possible.\n\nYou wouldn’t be able to help him do so unless you could manage your own fear. This can be another lesson for us in our everyday coaching work. Emotions are contagious. If your client is highly anxious, perhaps about a critical comment from a boss, don’t get caught up in your client’s anxiety. Your calmer approach can help your client move from amygdala-think to EQ-think. It helps to remember that our job as coach is to help our clients solve their problems, not to <em>take over</em> their problems. When we make their problems our problems, our amygdalae can hijack our own thinking.\n\nWhat might we say about anxiety to President Zelenskyy? We might say, “You are right. You could die.” (And if you are in the bunker with him instead of coaching by Zoom, <em>you</em> could die.) “Your family could die. Many more of your people may well die. Terrible things are being done and more are coming. While keeping that in mind, talk to me about <em>what can be done</em> to protect Ukraine and its people over the long haul. Let’s focus on what <em>can</em> be done.” Helplessness invites submission, takeover, and death.\n\n<strong>Closing Comment: </strong>I felt compelled to write something about Ukraine and President Zelenskyy for this post. He and his people are teaching the world about courage in the face of evil. We can all learn from them and perhaps apply that learning to our (less terrifying) work. That said, I also want to honor the courage shown by ethical humans who put themselves at risk in order to lead. Their work is especially important in these times when bullies of many stripes give themselves permission to take cheap shots. I’m reminded of the words of Teddy Roosevelt:\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><strong><em>\"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.\"</em></strong></p>','Thought Experiment: Imagine that you are . . .','','publish','open','open','','thought-exp-imagine-that-you-are','','','2022-03-14 08:00:45','2022-03-14 12:00:45','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1257',0,'post','',0),(1259,1,'2022-03-12 19:30:20','2022-03-13 00:30:20','','Novi,Sanzhary,,Ukraine,Â,March,11,,2020:,President,Of,Ukraine','','inherit','open','closed','','novisanzharyukrainea%c2%80%c2%93march112020presidentofukraine','','','2022-03-12 19:30:20','2022-03-13 00:30:20','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_1674464212-President-Zelenskyy-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1263,2,'2022-03-28 08:00:38','2022-03-28 12:00:38','<strong><em>Bottom line:</em></strong> Your coaching clients tend to over-estimate the power of their superiors. Now the details. And why it matters.\n\nThink about the comments your coaching clients make about their bosses or their CEOs. My guess is that the ratio of complaints to positives is high. In other <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1267\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_690705229-All-powerful-leader-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"240\" height=\"135\" />words, your clients are more likely to talk about their bosses’ failures than what their bosses have done well. You are likely to hear comments that begin: “If <em>I</em> were in that job, I would . . .” But if they ever <em>do</em> get in that job, they are likely to bump into constraints on power that are not always evident to others.\n\nWe see this most dramatically with the President of the United States (POTUS). Candidates for that office are full of statements that begin, “And when <em>I</em> am President, I promise that I’ll . . .” George Bush (the first) famously said, “No new taxes!” Turns out that he couldn’t keep that promise. He didn’t have the power he thought he’d have, even though he’d been Vice-President for eight years! Even from that vantage point, he couldn’t see all of the constraints on the power of that most powerful office.\n\nWhat are the constraints on the President’s power? There are many. Here are just three:\n<ul>\n 	<li><strong>Shared Power: </strong>The Constitution created three branches of government - legislative, executive, and judicial - so that power would have to be shared among them. POTUS, as executive, is not always free to do anything he wants. In many situations, he needs to win the cooperation of one or both of the other two branches to get things done.</li>\n 	<li><strong>Talent:</strong> POTUS can’t do everything himself. He needs “people” for that. Therefore, another constraint POTUS faces is the talent level and judgment of the people he hires. Selection is a tricky business, whether in government or in your clients’ organizations. Maybe his people are not as smart as they need to be. Maybe they give POTUS bad advice. If <em>they</em> can’t get things done, it limits <em>his</em> power to get things done.</li>\n 	<li><strong>Circumstances:</strong> POTUS has a plan. Then 9/11 happens and changes everything. Or there is a pandemic, or an oil crisis. Or Russia invades Ukraine. Suddenly, what looked possible before the event is no longer realistic. Resources that had previously been allocated to keep a campaign promise have to be diverted to deal with the new problem.</li>\n</ul>\nCEOs of major organizations are no different. Talk with almost any CEO, except the most narcissistic, and they will tell you that they don’t have anywhere near the power that others imagine that they have.\n\nBut their subordinates can’t seem to see it. Why? There are a variety of reasons. And if you, as a coach, understand those reasons, you can help your clients understand them as well. In the process, you will be doing everyone involved a favor.\n\nLet’s look at some of the reasons your coaching clients might overestimate the power their bosses have, why it matters, and what you can do about it.\n\nFirst, many clients are “nearsighted.” Let’s pick one of your clients and call him Bob. Bob is focused on his own area. He can see what his area needs, and<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1269\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_1236022117-nearsighted-executive-sees-own-area-only-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"239\" height=\"159\" /> assumes that the CEO, (let’s call him Don) can get it for him. But Don, like all CEOs, has information Bob doesn’t have, because Don is charged with managing multiple areas and priorities, not just Bob’s. Don has to see things from every area’s perspective, and see everyone’s (sometimes competing) needs. In other words, Don has to see the big picture.\n\nIf Don doesn’t come through for Bob, Bob may become resentful. As a result, in Bob’s mind, Don and Bob are no longer on the same team. Now it is one against the other, and that hurts the company. (When rowers pull in different directions, it’s hard to get anywhere.) It also hurts Bob, because if his resentment shows, if he comes across as not being a “team player,” as one who won’t “take one for the team,” and as one who can’t see the “big picture,” he will be classified as “junior,” or maybe even as the dreaded “difficult” employee. Bob won’t know why, but he will become invisible. His opinion will not be sought. He will not be considered for promotion.\n\nWhat might you do to help Bob see things from Don’s point of view?\n\nInstead of commiserating with Bob, what if you said something like, “Bob, the area you manage is critical to your company’s success, of course. But what other departments are important? What would happen if they didn’t get what they need to succeed? Don has to ensure that they have the resources they need too.”\n\nYou might also ask, “What do you think are some of the external factors that are constraining Don’s ability to act at times?” Here we might think of market forces, stockholders, boards of directors, other key stakeholders, and legal/ethical issues.\n\nIn this conversation, I typically tell my clients that the executives who become stars are those who can see the big picture, just as Don has to do. That often gives them the incentive to take a second look.\n\nA second reason subordinates might over-estimate a leader’s power is that organizations typically dress their leaders up in symbols of power. POTUS’s symbols are pretty impressive (Think “Hail to the Chief,” the White House, Secret Service protection, and Air Force One, for starters.) These symbols can fool people into thinking that the president has more power than he actually does. This happens in corporate life as well. In one Fortune 500 company I know, you do not get <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1266\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_381846850-CEO-looking-out-corner-office-windows-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"237\" height=\"158\" />emails from the CEO. You get emails  From the <em>Office</em> of the CEO, just in case you didn’t realize how important the CEO is. CEOs have huge offices, usually corner ones with great views. Most don’t go down to the company cafeteria for lunch. They wear power suits. Some have company jets. All of these symbols reinforce the idea that the CEO is all powerful, and that people should do what the CEO says. But, unfortunately, they can also lead people to believe that the CEO can do anything he wants, and can give people whatever they ask for. (Of course the need for such symbols tells you just how shaky the power actually is. You don’t need to “brag” when you have real power.)\n\nWhen you coach subordinates, in addition to exploring the many limitations the CEO has, it might be useful to encourage your clients to remember to think of their leaders as actual human beings – as people who probably have trouble with their kids, who have indigestion sometimes, etc. Not all-powerful at all.  Visualizing them as people can help subordinates appreciate who their leaders really are – talented people who have been hired to do a job that’s really hard, and who are paid well to do it, but who are not handed all the cards by any means.\n\nFinally, there is what psychotherapists call transference, a universal phenomenon. Transference refers to the way people transfer emotional reactions learned in one context to a new context, which may have similar elements.\n\nPeople start out young, small, and largely helpless, under the care of very large and seemingly all-powerful authority figures called parents. Lots of feelings get generated in relationships with parents – love, hate, anger, fear, respect, and many others.\n\nWhen people grow up, and run into other authority figures, such as their bosses, they have to figure out a way to understand them. Transference leads people to<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1268\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_1140246116-parent-and-small-child-linking-hands-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"205\" height=\"137\" /> use those first relationships with parents as a mental model of how to relate to these new authority figures. To the extent that people are not aware of the source of their thoughts and feelings about authority, they are more likely to stay entrapped in those mental models that came from their earliest days. This can include the unverbalized belief that parents had supreme power. A client who is a parent today <em>should</em> recognize that early belief as misleading, but deep-seated assumptions can be hard to dispel.\n\nAs a coach, it might be useful to ask your clients about their early relationships with their parents. Then ask them if they see any parallels in the way they perceive and interact with their current bosses or CEOs. When people can “connect the dots,” they can often see their bosses more accurately for who they are, not for who they imagine them to be.\n\nIf you can help your clients work through their faulty perceptions, as well as helping them to begin to see the bigger picture, they will be likely to have much more empathic and reality-based relationships with their bosses. They will be much more likely to be able to sense when and how to ask for what they need, and therefore more likely to get it, and far more likely to be promoted. And their bosses will love having subordinates who have at least <em>some</em> understanding of their world.','Looking Up at The Illusion of Power','','publish','open','open','','illusion-of-power','','','2022-03-28 08:00:38','2022-03-28 12:00:38','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1263',0,'post','',0),(1266,1,'2022-03-26 19:01:40','2022-03-26 23:01:40','','Portrait,Of,Smiling,Senior,Businessman,Standing,Looking,Out,Of,Office','','inherit','open','closed','','portraitofsmilingseniorbusinessmanstandinglookingoutofoffice','','','2022-03-26 19:01:40','2022-03-26 23:01:40','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_381846850-CEO-looking-out-corner-office-windows-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1267,1,'2022-03-26 19:01:58','2022-03-26 23:01:58','','He,Is,Big,Boss,And,Has,Power,.,Mixed,Media','','inherit','open','closed','','heisbigbossandhaspower-mixedmedia','','','2022-03-26 19:01:58','2022-03-26 23:01:58','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_690705229-All-powerful-leader-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1268,1,'2022-03-26 19:02:25','2022-03-26 23:02:25','','The,Parent,Holding,The,Child\'s,Hand,With,A,Happy,Background','','inherit','open','closed','','theparentholdingthechildshandwithahappybackground','','','2022-03-26 19:02:25','2022-03-26 23:02:25','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_1140246116-parent-and-small-child-linking-hands-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1269,1,'2022-03-26 19:02:38','2022-03-26 23:02:38','','Close,Up,Of,Man\'s,Face,With,The,Loupe,Close,To','','inherit','open','closed','','closeupofmansfacewiththeloupecloseto','','','2022-03-26 19:02:38','2022-03-26 23:02:38','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/03/shutterstock_1236022117-nearsighted-executive-sees-own-area-only-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1275,2,'2022-04-11 08:00:09','2022-04-11 12:00:09','My client (let’s call him Tom) and I had been working together for about 18 months when he was asked to take over the leadership of a department numbering about 800 associates. This department had earned a reputation as being “the place where they send projects to die.” As a result, the previous leader had been fired, and Tom was asked to take over.\n\nWhen Tom met with the Senior Leadership “Team” (N = 7) of his new department, he was not received with open arms. Right or wrong, these seven people had <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1279\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_793409209-old-dysfunctional-team-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"185\" height=\"123\" />loved their previous boss, and were worried about what the “new broom” might have in mind. Their track record gave them good reason to worry. Fortunately, as you will see, rather than losing their jobs, the seven enjoyed success that, initially, they couldn’t see coming.\n\nTom found the seven members of the group (while they were called a Senior Leadership Team, or SLT, they had never become an actual team) to be undisciplined in their approach to their work, and resentful of the ouster of their former leader. To say that they were unhappy with Tom at the outset understates the situation.\n\nTom had some ideas about what needed to be done, and began to implement better work processes as a start. For example, he set up weekly meetings with each of his senior leaders. He told them that he expected them to come to those meetings with an agenda. When someone showed up without an agenda, Tom ended the meeting immediately. Before long, people began to come with agendas.\n\nThis approach took courage on Tom’s part. Though a man with immense intellect, talent, and mastery of his field, he was also a human being with feelings. Despite the emotional distress of the SLT’s initial thinly veiled rejection of his leadership, Tom stuck to his guns and made progress.\n\nBut he knew that he needed to do more. He asked me to work with him and the SLT to turn the group into a real team.\n\nWhat did our work accomplish?\n\nWhen we started, surveys showed that the emotions that were prominent among the 800 employees of Tom’s department, led by the old dysfunctional SLT,<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1282\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/before-and-after-with-text-final-02.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"378\" height=\"226\" /> were anger, cynicism, distress, and mistrust. Eight months after the team building process, surveys showed that the prominent feelings were now enjoyment, hope, trust, and confidence. And the department gained a reputation for effectiveness.\n\nHere’s what we did:\n\n<strong>Step One: </strong>I met with Tom and the members of his SLT to get acquainted and orient them to the team building process. I introduced two topics that would inform our work: (1) emotional intelligence and (2) the skills of a high performance team.\n\n<strong>Step Two: </strong>I interviewed each of the SLT members individually. First, I asked each of them a series of questions about the group, focusing on the extent to which they perceived themselves and the members of the group to be engaged in high performance team behaviors. During the same meeting, I did a leadership-skills oriented interview, the questions for which can be found in <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><em>The</em></strong> <strong><em>EQ Leader Program <sup>2. 0 </sup></em></strong></a>manual.  I asked each SLT member to complete the <strong><em>Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0 (MHS’s EQ-i 2.0.)</em></strong>\n\n<strong>Step Three: </strong>With regard to the leadership skills assessment, I wrote personalized reports for each of the SLT members, integrating their leadership interview responses with their results on the <strong><em>EQ-i 2.0</em></strong>. (See <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><em>The</em></strong> <strong><em>EQ Leader Program <sup>2.0 </sup></em></strong></a>manual for a sample report and boilerplate material.) In these reports, I emphasized (a) the implications of their scores for their own leadership development, i.e., something that would provide them value not only for their current assignment but also for assignments throughout their career, (b) how their current EQ development would be likely to impact their ability to engage in high performance team behaviors, and (c) development recommendations, including EQ development exercises (see <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><em>The</em></strong> <strong><em>EQ Leader Program<sup>2.0</sup></em></strong></a> manual for menus of exercises for each of the sixteen EQ skills measured by the <strong><em>EQ-i 2.0</em></strong>).\n\n<strong>Step Four: </strong>I met with the SLT members privately to debrief them on their leadership/EQ assessments, after they had had a chance to read both the MHS computer generated report of their scores on the <strong><em>EQ-i 2.0 </em></strong>and my personalized report.\n\n<strong>Step Five: </strong>I prepared a report on team strengths and weaknesses based on the interviews that I had done in Step Two. The report helped the team members recognize what they were doing well and where they could improve. I met with Tom to review the report before sharing it with the others, because leaders in these situations are always more vulnerable than anyone else. However, I did not permit changes to be made to the report. It was then released to the other members of the SLT.\n\n<strong>Step Six: </strong>The group and I went on a 1.5 day offsite. Using the group report I had prepared as an agenda,  I facilitated a discussion about how the group could <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1280\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_1877881729-new-senior-leadership-team-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"189\" height=\"126\" />integrate lessons learned from what they had shared with me in their interviews into their future behavior, and did exercises designed to build team skills. The discussion resulted in the development of action items with deadlines and metrics, and eventually, along with the exercises, to the metamorphosis of the group into a high performance SLT.\n\nTom and his team get the credit for their outstanding implementation of the process outlined above. Their 800 workers enjoyed the fruits of this work, because now they were able to get what they needed from their leaders in order to be successful.','What the New Boss Did','','publish','open','open','','what-the-new-boss-did','','','2022-04-11 08:00:09','2022-04-11 12:00:09','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1275',0,'post','',0),(1279,1,'2022-04-08 15:38:53','2022-04-08 19:38:53','','Stressed,Boss,And,Executive,Team,Searching,Problem,Solution,At,Meeting,','','inherit','open','closed','','stressedbossandexecutiveteamsearchingproblemsolutionatmeeting','','','2022-04-08 15:38:53','2022-04-08 19:38:53','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_793409209-old-dysfunctional-team-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1280,1,'2022-04-08 15:39:41','2022-04-08 19:39:41','','From,Below,Of,Team,Of,Young,Creative,Multicultural,People,Joining','','inherit','open','closed','','frombelowofteamofyoungcreativemulticulturalpeoplejoining','','','2022-04-08 15:39:41','2022-04-08 19:39:41','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_1877881729-new-senior-leadership-team-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1282,1,'2022-04-08 20:13:02','2022-04-09 00:13:02','','Before and After Training','','inherit','open','closed','','before-and-after-with-text-final-02','','','2022-04-08 20:13:02','2022-04-09 00:13:02','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/before-and-after-with-text-final-02.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1287,1,'2022-04-19 16:19:06','2022-04-19 20:19:06','','Business,,Technology,,Technical,Support,And,Internet,Concept,-,Businessman,Pressing','','inherit','open','closed','','businesstechnologytechnicalsupportandinternetconcept-businessmanpressing','','','2022-04-19 16:19:06','2022-04-19 20:19:06','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_425580178-magic-toolkit-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1288,1,'2022-04-19 16:19:26','2022-04-19 20:19:26','','Ebenezer,Scrooge,The,Main,Character,In,A,Christmas,Carol.','','inherit','open','closed','','ebenezerscroogethemaincharacterinachristmascarol','','','2022-04-19 16:19:26','2022-04-19 20:19:26','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_764830957-scrooge-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1289,1,'2022-04-19 16:20:06','2022-04-19 20:20:06','','Smiling,Middle-aged,Ceo,Promoting,Motivating,Worker,Shaking,Hands,Congratulating,With','','inherit','open','closed','','smilingmiddle-agedceopromotingmotivatingworkershakinghandscongratulatingwith','','','2022-04-19 16:20:06','2022-04-19 20:20:06','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_1206996289-good-job-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1290,1,'2022-04-19 16:20:51','2022-04-19 20:20:51','','Shot,Of,Pretty,Young,Businesswoman,Showing,Progress,Of,Work,In','','inherit','open','closed','','shotofprettyyoungbusinesswomanshowingprogressofworkin','','','2022-04-19 16:20:51','2022-04-19 20:20:51','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_1387371353-listless-workers-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1291,2,'2022-04-25 08:00:56','2022-04-25 12:00:56','That unseasonal cold snap we in the Eastern US endured last week, with nearly a foot of snow for some people, made it feel more like Christmas than Easter. In that spirit, I thought I’d share one of my <em>Blue Ridge Business Journal </em>articles, the one that always puts me in mind of Charles Dickens’ <em>Christmas Carol</em>, (even though it has only one spirit, not three). It goes like this:\n\nKen was unhappy. His staff was angry with him. Excited about finishing a project, they had asked to work overtime. Ken would have approved the request, but <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1288\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_764830957-scrooge-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A cartoon image of Ebenezer Scrooge from Charles Dickens\' 1843 novella, &quot;A Christmas Carol&quot;.\" width=\"119\" height=\"176\" />his boss had emphatically told him to rein in expenses. So Ken denied the request. (Scrooge!) With the staff angry, he knew from experience that their productivity would be lousy until this cloud passed over. Every time there was an upset, it showed itself in performance.\n\nKen sat in his office at the end of this dismal day. Bah, humbug!\n\nHe was initially shaken when the apparition appeared. But the spirit smiled sympathetically. “You’ve had a bad day,” the spirit noted. Ken, appreciating the support, relaxed. “I wish my workers would leave their emotions at home,” he said. “Feelings just get in the way!” The spirit smiled again. “Many managers have had the same thought,” he shared. “Let me show you what it actually would be like to get your wish.”\n\nThe spirit took Ken to the staff area. Ken watched his staff with amazement. His people were lifeless. They moved as if they were wearing lead boots. There was little talking, which at first Ken thought might be good. But as he watched, he could see that even the simplest cooperative steps were <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1290\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_1387371353-listless-workers-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A photograph of three people looking at a tablet. They look like they are bored.\" width=\"235\" height=\"157\" /> missed for lack of communication. Ken asked the spirit, “Didn’t Jack see what Sally needed?” “Oh, sure, Jack noticed, but, without feelings, he did not care to help,” the spirit responded. Ken then asked, “Why are they moving so slowly? They look lazy.” “Without emotion,” the spirit said, “they have no motivation. Motivation comes from caring.”\n\nFinally, Ken conceded, “OK. I’ve seen enough. But I can’t see a way out. Emotions disrupt our work, but without them, nothing happens. What should I do?” The spirit smiled again. “Asking the right question is the biggest part of the battle. Now we can get somewhere.”\n\n“You can’t wish people’s feelings away, any more than you can ask for the wind not to blow,” the spirit explained. “Feelings are a part of human nature. But you <em>can</em> learn how to work intelligently with emotions.” The idea of combining emotions and intelligence seemed nonsensical to Ken, but he suspended his disbelief to see where this could go.\n\n“There is a four-step cycle with emotions,” the spirit said. Knowing the cycle can help you work intelligently, not only with your staff’s feelings, but also with your own. The smarter you work with feelings, the more success you’ll have in business. Here are the four steps.”\n\n“First, people <u>experience an emotion</u>, like the anger your staff had today. People experience anger in different ways. Some people may notice a physical change; maybe they clench their teeth. Others first notice their anger by the impulses that they have, maybe wanting to yell. Still others notice anger from their thoughts, such as, ‘He’s always doing this to us!’ <em>. . .whether it’s true or not!”</em> the spirit hastened to add, not wishing to judge.\n\n“Second, emotions lead our thoughts in certain directions. We can’t pay attention to everything simultaneously. We <u>select our focus based on whatever we care about most at that moment</u>. Caring is an emotional process. When your staff was angry with you, they cared about a lost opportunity, and about not having their good intentions appreciated. This led them to focus on all of the times that they have been upset with you in the past. Your acts of kindness and support, also a part of your relationship with them, were not a part of their focus at that time.”\n\n“Third, to work with emotions intelligently, you have to <u>understand where they come from</u>. In this case, the staff was excited to work overtime to nail down some tough issues on their project. When you, rather curtly and without explanation, told them no, showing no appreciation for their willingness to go the extra mile, they were hurt and disappointed, and responded with anger.\n\n“Fourth - and here’s the payoff - once you understand where feelings come from, you can <u>take steps to manage them</u>. To be clear, while you can learn to control your own emotions, you <em>cannot</em> control anyone else’s feelings. You can, however, create conditions for your staff that invite feelings that will be more conducive to your goals than ‘rage at the boss.’ For example, had you thought about it, could you have predicted the response you got from your denial?”\n\n“Yes,” Ken moaned with frustration. “But what could I do? I really had no choice. You just want me to cater to them!”\n\n“No, not really,” replied the spirit, “although that is a common misinterpretation. Working with the feelings of your staff does not mean giving them whatever <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1289\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_1206996289-good-job-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A photo of 3 people, one woman who is sitting down. She is smiling. Two men are standing in front of her. One is clasping the other\'s arm in a congratulatory pose, and they are shaking hands, and smiling.\" width=\"210\" height=\"140\" />they want. But you could have given them information and genuine appreciation. What if you had said something like this? ‘I’m delighted that you are all so gung-ho about what we are doing that you would be willing to spend extra time away from your families. Unfortunately, my hands are tied. I have gotten word from upstairs that money is so tight right now that I cannot approve overtime. Believe me, I wish I could. Thanks for offering! You guys are great!’”\n\nKen could see that his staff would probably have responded differently. It is possible that some of the staff might still have been angry. Realistically, though, he could see that providing what the spirit suggested would have invited the staff to have different emotions, perhaps disappointment and frustration. These milder emotions are much less disruptive to the pace of work, and would have been less damaging to the relationship Ken has with his people.\n\n“Thanks, you’ve been a big help.” Ken told the spirit. “But I feel a little overwhelmed. You make it sound easier than I suspect it really is. I don’t know how to respond to every situation I face.”\n\nThe spirit answered, “You are already two steps ahead of where you were. Most important, you asked the right question. And, now you know the four steps of emotional management. Learning what you need to do in each situation takes practice, perhaps with a little guidance. Call me when you need me.” <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1287\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/shutterstock_425580178-magic-toolkit-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"A photo of a person in a business suit reaching out with one finger. Their finger is touching a glowing toolset (screwdriver and wrench). These tools represent the skills a coach teaches you.\" width=\"232\" height=\"132\" />\n\nWho is the spirit, really? It’s you. The leader’s coach. You bring what sometimes feels like magic to your clients because you know things, and can teach them things, that they have not had a chance to learn. Then their lives get better. Not a bad gig.','The Spirit of Getting it Right','','publish','open','open','','the-spirt-of-getting-it-right','','','2022-04-25 08:00:56','2022-04-25 12:00:56','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1291',0,'post','',0),(1300,2,'2022-05-09 08:00:12','2022-05-09 12:00:12','American democracy is under assault. The perpetrator? Toxic divisiveness.\n\nI’m not taking political sides here. There are various elements of the political spectrum that have discovered the power of misusing EQ. They use empathy skills to figure out what will frighten people. Then they play on those fears for personal or political gain without regard to the long-term damage that is done. “A country divided against itself cannot stand.”\n\nResearch done by a Columbia University psychologist found that:\n<ul>\n 	<li>86% of Americans are sick to death of these tactics. But there is no organized voice for them.</li>\n 	<li>Outrage is addictive. It lights up the same parts of the pleasure center of the brain as does heroin. Many people seek out their daily fix.</li>\n</ul>\nIn my community of Roanoke, Virginia, some of us have formed a group which seeks to give voice to the 86%. We call ourselves The Roanoke Collaboration Project. I’m writing this post in hopes that some of you will consider taking similar actions in your communities. Grass roots is the answer.\n\nThe group actually began meeting two years ago. We have purposely created a relatively small group that represents many of the subcommunities in our area: women, men, Blacks, Whites, members of three major religions (Christian, Jewish, Muslim), Republicans, and Democrats. We even had two state delegates for a while, one from each party. We have spent a lot of time listening to and learning from each other, discovering the value of really understanding diverse points of view. It is our guiding assumption that none of us has all the answers to the complex problems we face today.\n\nWe worry about all of the ways that toxic divisiveness gets expressed these days. For example, members of school boards get shouted down and called vile names. Good and decent people eventually get fatigued and frightened, leaving their seats open to be filled by those who can see only one side. Likewise, too often only the most fanatical politicians (playing to their bases, and never mind the others whom they are supposed to represent) get a place on the ballot.\n\nWe are about to launch something that we call The Collaboration Pledge. We’ll be seeking signatures from thousands of people throughout our community – the 86%. We will be giving them a forum in which they can “shout out” examples of collaboration, helping everyone see what is possible. Here is our version:\n<h3 style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><strong>A Pledge for Our Community</strong></h3>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\">I believe that a commitment to civility will make us a better community. Therefore, I pledge the following:</p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"> <strong><em>I will </em></strong>treat others with respect in my public discourse, both in person and online, and will not hide behind anonymity.</p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><strong><em>I will</em></strong> recognize that people are more than their points of view, and have feelings, just as I do.</p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><strong><em>I will</em></strong> seek to understand those with different points of view before asking to be understood.</p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 80px;\"><strong><em>I will</em></strong> <strong><em>not</em></strong> allow uncivil behavior from others to lead me to respond in kind.</p>\n\n<h3><strong>My Request and Hope: </strong></h3>\nCoaches have essential skills which they can use to bring diverse people together to operate constructively. Our country is in crisis. If you haven’t already done so would you consider using your skills to create similar groups of diverse people in your communities?\n\nIf so, when you consider who you might recruit, first find one “buddy” who can help you think the issue through. (I founded our group in partnership with the CEO of a small software development company.) Then, ask yourselves what people who come from diverse backgrounds and bring the kind of emotional maturity this task requires each of you knows. Can these people hold two competing ideas in their heads at the same time? Talk with them. Learn from them. Hear their fears, reluctance, and doubts about whether trust in others who are not like them is warranted. Demonstrate your sincerity in trying. No guarantees.\n\nTo be clear, The Roanoke Collaboration Project is an all-volunteer effort. I don’t approach it as an expert consultant. I’m just a member like everyone else, though they respect and use my skills. And, thank goodness, they are not shy about letting me know what I still have to learn.\n\nIf you opt to take me up on my request, feel free to reach out to me with questions, or to let me know how you are doing. Groups across the country can support each other. Feel free to leave comments and questions on our blog page or write to me at <a href=\"mailto:dana.ackley@eqleader.net\">dana.ackley@eqleader.net</a>','Grass Roots! Let\'s Make It Happen!','','publish','open','open','','grass-roots-lets-make-it-happen','','','2022-05-09 08:00:12','2022-05-09 12:00:12','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1300',0,'post','',0),(1307,1,'2022-05-21 15:32:12','2022-05-21 19:32:12','','a-sinking-statue-of-liberty-5201415','','inherit','open','closed','','a-sinking-statue-of-liberty-5201415','','','2022-05-21 15:32:12','2022-05-21 19:32:12','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/a-sinking-statue-of-liberty-5201415-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1309,2,'2022-05-23 08:00:27','2022-05-23 12:00:27','Let me introduce you to a therapist who is taking my current webinar series <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https://www.zurinstitute.com/webinars/introduction-to-workplace-coaching/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Introduction to Workplace Coaching – From Therapist to Coach: Broaden Your Skill Set/Create Options – 4 Sessions – Zur Institute</a></span>. Let’s call her Anne.\n\nNear the end of our second session last Thursday, Anne raised an excellent issue. Like many people who want to build a coaching business, Anne was having trouble envisioning how she could turn the skills and experiences she had spent her career building into something organizations would value and pay for. By raising this issue, she did everyone in our workshop a favor.\n\nAn American by birth, Anne has spent the last 20+ years living and working in Africa. Her life and professional background have naturally exposed her to many expats who work where <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1311\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/shutterstock_1503640997-man-leaping-over-chasm-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"198\" height=\"140\" />she lives. While she didn’t say so specifically, it seemed clear that she had talked with many expat executives and their spouses as a therapist. Now she wants to work with organizations, but was feeling intimidated by what she saw as a chasm between her current business model and the coaching business model I teach. But she told us something that I could see would make it not a chasm but a small, manageable jump.\n\n“The spouses of expat executives often have trouble adjusting. They don’t like this. They don’t like that. They want to go home. And many do, cutting short their spouse’s employment.”\n\nShe needed just a couple of sentences from me to recognize her opportunity.\n\nI told her that she had already “sold the program,” by which I meant that she had identified the value that would lead a company to want to use her expertise. Here’s how our conversation went:\n\n<strong>Dana:</strong> “What is one of the most expensive things a company has to do? Recruit new talent. If you can coach executives and their spouses to make the challenging psychological adjustment to a new country/culture/way of living, the company will save a bundle – every time.”\n\n<strong>Anne: “</strong>Oh, I see. Companies will save money because they can keep valuable people. Not only will they not have the expense of having to recruit and train someone new, they won’t have the business disruption that happens when an executive leaves prematurely.” (Notice how she not only heard what I said but built on it.)\n\nAnne’s background as a therapist, plus having successfully made a similar adjustment in her own life, sets her up for success. And by the way, once she becomes a trusted resource, other kinds of coaching opportunities will naturally arise.\n\nWhat can readers learn from the issue Anne raised?\n<ul>\n 	<li>Anxiety restricts focus. Anne had gotten anxious and discouraged about making this transition. Our brief conversation led her to have less anxiety and almost instant creativity/insight. She reached out by asking a key question, giving herself a chance to learn from someone not trapped in her set of assumptions. (We’re all trapped in our assumptions. That’s why we need coaches and trusted advisers to see <em>beyond</em> our assumptions.)</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li>If you want to figure out what kind of coaching services you can best provide, put yourself in the shoes of decision makers in organizations (the EQ skill of Empathy). What do they need? What problems worry them most? How can their organizations better achieve success? Psychological skills are almost always a constraining resource (a bottleneck that inhibits performance) for even the most talented leaders. That’s where you and EQ come in.</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li>If you are making a career transition into coaching, recognize that you have already been successful and can use what you have learned as a springboard to your next career. Figure out what insights you have developed in your current work, and perhaps in your personal life, that position you to help decision makers solve their most pressing problems. Then you just have to figure out how to reach and communicate with those decision makers. (That is the next topic in our webinar series.)</li>\n</ul>\nBy the way, if an introductory course for making a transition to coaching appeals to you, it’s not too late to sign up for the program mentioned at the start of this post. It is a four-part series, each session lasting two hours. While we have finished the first two sessions, they are recorded and accessible to you. The third and fourth sessions will take place on June 2 and June 16 respectively. Use the link at the beginning of this post to get more information or to enroll and get access to those recordings. As always, feel free to reach out to me (<a href=\"mailto:dana.ackley@eqleader.net\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">dana.ackley@eqleader.net</a>) with questions.','Making the Jump','','publish','open','open','','making-the-jump','','','2022-05-23 08:00:27','2022-05-23 12:00:27','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1309',0,'post','',0),(1311,1,'2022-05-22 20:33:22','2022-05-23 00:33:22','','Hand,Drawn,Pen,Sketch,Of,A,Businessman,With,Portfolio,In','','inherit','open','closed','','handdrawnpensketchofabusinessmanwithportfolioin','','','2022-05-22 20:33:22','2022-05-23 00:33:22','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/shutterstock_1503640997-man-leaping-over-chasm-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1315,2,'2022-06-06 08:00:34','2022-06-06 12:00:34','So, you want to be in the coaching business. Excellent! The world needs more coaches. You’ve probably been working at building your coaching chops - reading, taking training, joining professional associations, etc. You’ve been building your SME (subject matter expertise).\n\nIt’s not enough.\n\nWhy do 50% of businesses fail within their first five years? it’s not because the owners didn’t have SME. It’s because they didn’t know the <em>business</em> part. Among other things, coaches need to learn to market and sell their services. Remember, <em>no one gets coached until you make a sale!</em>\n\nBut wait! Most people who like to coach <em>hate</em> marketing, and are <em>terrified</em> of selling. Fortunately, these barriers can be overcome. It just takes some learning, a plan, and perspective. Let’s get that done.\n\nWe’ll begin by defining marketing and sales:\n\n<strong><em>Marketing</em></strong> is simply letting the right people (your target markets) know that your business exists, and piquing their interest enough to meet with you for one or more conversations.\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1324\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1577996566-Marketing-lightbulbs-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"345\" height=\"115\" />\n\n<strong><em>Sales</em></strong> is a negotiation process in which you and your client organization agree to terms of engagement that are mutually agreeable and beneficial.\n\nToday let’s study marketing. Next time we’ll talk about sales.\n\nTwo decades ago, I developed a six-step marketing process designed for human service professionals like you and me. I used it to build my own successful coaching business (from scratch, while living in a small city) and have taught it to thousands of others worldwide. You can follow these steps to make your own unique plan.\n\n<strong>Step One: </strong><em>Determine what services you want to offer.</em> The term “coaching” can cover a lot of ground. Maybe you want to work with folks in the C-Suite. Or maybe you want to work with front line supervisors. Perhaps team coaching is your cup of tea. Do you want to help people build their EQ skills? Do you have another model that fits you? Are you more of a business-skills coach? Don’t be limited to one service. List all of the coaching services that currently appeal to you\n\n&nbsp;\n\nYour list can change over time. Just don’t try to be all things to all people. You will be so unfocused you won’t excel (SME does matter), and potential customers won’t be able to identify you.\n\n<strong>Step Two: </strong><em>Identify your target market(s).</em> What kinds of organizations do you want to have engagements with? Maybe you like working within a specific industry, such as healthcare or financial services. Maybe you want to work with non-profits or Fortune 500 companies. How about specializing in small businesses or family businesses? As you clarify your target markets, your ability to sharpen your marketing messages will be enhanced.\n\n<strong>Step Three: </strong><em>Articulate the value of the service(s) you want to offer. </em>Here’s a hard truth. No one will hire you simply because you are nice, or because they like you. You have to identify <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1321\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_382513435-value-added-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"238\" height=\"159\" />the value your particular coaching services have for organizations in your target market(s). How does your coaching enhance the health and welfare of their organization? For example, let’s suppose one of your target markets consists of engineering firms. Engineers are super smart people . . . about engineering. But by nature and training, they often are severely low in EQ skills. Fortunately, EQ skills can be learned through working with a good coach. As a result, engineers who lead the firm will be far more skilled at eliciting top performance from those who report to them. Not only that, they will relate better to customers, hearing their needs more accurately and not alienating them with socially awkward behavior.\n\n<strong>Step Four: </strong><em>Strategies to reach your target market(s). </em>Now that you know which services you want to provide, which kinds of groups or organizations you want to provide them to, and why those groups or organizations might care, you are ready to figure out how to reach potential customers. If, like me, you are on your own or have a very small firm, you will not do this the same way major consulting firms like Deloitte or PwC would. Fortunately, we small fry have big advantages. We can be nimble, quickly customizing our messages and approach to fit each potential client. We don’t have to spend a fortune on mass communication.\n\nWhat do we do instead? We work relationships. Who do you already know who is a potential client? No one comes to mind? No problem. Over time, you will think of some. In addition,<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1322\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_738913864-web-of-people-connecting-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"236\" height=\"167\" /> think Six Degrees of Separation. Who do you know who knows potential clients, and who might be open to making an introduction? Who do you know who knows someone who knows someone . . . ? Trust is everything. When you have an established relationship with someone or are referred by a trusted source, you are halfway home. So make a list of possibilities.\n\n<strong>Step Five: </strong><em>Strategies to communicate value. </em>Now it’s time to figure out how you will communicate the value of the kinds of coaching you plan to <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1319\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_75417109-use-this-instead-of-the-Welcome-image-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"247\" height=\"185\" />offer. This is the step most marketing neophytes start with. You can see the folly of that – they haven’t done the planning required in steps one to four. You <em>will</em> have, which will give you an edge.\n\nThese days, social media is a key to many marketing programs. A website will be essential, so that people can explore your offerings. The trick is to draw folks to your site. (Unless you’re knowledgeable about these things, or have a friend or relative who is willing to help you, you may need to hire someone to get you started.) Posting on business-oriented sites like LinkedIn and Facebook about topics of interest to your target marketing can help. Or, you might “hang out” at business events or other venues where individuals in your target market tend to congregate.\n\n<strong>Step Six: </strong><em>Differentiate yourself from your competitors. </em>The last step is to establish your particular credibility in providing your services so that potential clients select you rather than a competitor. Do not bash your competitors. It’s cheap, and it backfires.\n\nInstead, talk about your credentials and experience. This may seem tricky to new coaches just getting started, but you probably have more to offer than you realize. For example, I<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1320\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_213074398-what-makes-you-unique-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"248\" height=\"160\" /> transitioned from being a psychotherapist to being a coach. In my early days, I couldn’t tout a list of impressive clients as I can today. But I could talk about my ability to listen for deep understanding, my ability to help relationships that have gone awry (as many supervisory relationships do), and my expertise in creating sustainable behavior change. What have you been doing in your life that helps to prepare you as a coach? Let your target market(s) know about it.\n\n<strong>Conclusion:</strong> Professional marketers tell me “Yep, these are the steps all right.” Still, in a blog post, we can only hit the highlights. Maybe this is enough to get you moving. If you’d like more detail, you can find it in our <strong><em>EQ Leader Program<sup>2.0</sup> </em></strong>manual, which you can explore <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/flipbook/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here</a>. Or feel free to reach out to me for consultation. You can do this!','Building a Successful Coaching Business','','publish','open','open','','building-a-successful-coaching-business','','','2022-06-06 08:00:34','2022-06-06 12:00:34','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1315',0,'post','',0),(1319,1,'2022-06-04 20:53:13','2022-06-05 00:53:13','','In,My,Portfolio,There,Is,Collection,Of,Pictures,Of,Screen.','','inherit','open','closed','','inmyportfoliothereiscollectionofpicturesofscreen','','','2022-06-04 20:53:13','2022-06-05 00:53:13','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_75417109-use-this-instead-of-the-Welcome-image-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1320,1,'2022-06-04 20:53:35','2022-06-05 00:53:35','','What,Makes,You,Unique?','','inherit','open','closed','','whatmakesyouunique','','','2022-06-04 20:53:35','2022-06-05 00:53:35','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_213074398-what-makes-you-unique-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1321,1,'2022-06-04 20:54:03','2022-06-05 00:54:03','','Fake,Dictionary,,Dictionary,Definition,Of,Value-added.','','inherit','open','closed','','fakedictionarydictionarydefinitionofvalue-added','','','2022-06-04 20:54:03','2022-06-05 00:54:03','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_382513435-value-added-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1322,1,'2022-06-04 20:54:36','2022-06-05 00:54:36','','Vector,Illustration,Of,Social,Network,Scheme,,Which,Contains,Flat,People','','inherit','open','closed','','vectorillustrationofsocialnetworkschemewhichcontainsflatpeople','','','2022-06-04 20:54:36','2022-06-05 00:54:36','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_738913864-web-of-people-connecting-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1323,1,'2022-06-04 20:55:08','2022-06-05 00:55:08','','Pensive,Young,Red-haired,Young,Woman,Isolated,On,Grey,Background,Look','','inherit','open','closed','','pensiveyoungred-hairedyoungwomanisolatedongreybackgroundlook','','','2022-06-04 20:55:08','2022-06-05 00:55:08','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1365610742-woman-pondering-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1324,1,'2022-06-04 20:55:43','2022-06-05 00:55:43','','Photo,Of,Light,Bulbs,With,Shining,Fibers,In,Shapes,Of','','inherit','open','closed','','photooflightbulbswithshiningfibersinshapesof','','','2022-06-04 20:55:43','2022-06-05 00:55:43','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1577996566-Marketing-lightbulbs-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1327,2,'2022-06-20 08:00:47','2022-06-20 12:00:47','But if you are like most people in the helping professions, you HATE the notion of selling. Well, if you want to have a successful coaching business, you’ll have to get over it. The ideas in this blog post will take most of the pain out of the process. Give yourself, and selling, a chance.\n\nRecall from the previous post that selling can be defined as a negotiation process in which you and your client organization agree to “Terms of Engagement” that are mutually agreeable and beneficial. Keep that definition in mind as we work through your sales issues.\n\n<strong>Attitude: </strong>Stop looking down your nose at sales people! (It’s discriminatory at best.) Are there some bad-apple sales people? Sleazy, unethical, greedy, emotionally manipulative? Yes. Are\n\n[caption id=\"attachment_1331\" align=\"alignright\" width=\"221\"]<img class=\" wp-image-1331\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1945675531-selling4.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"221\" height=\"192\" /> Online Shopping on the smartphone. A hand holding a credit card and a hand holding a parcel box. 3d rendering.[/caption]\n\nthere bad-apple coaches? Sleazy, unethical, greedy, emotionally manipulative? Yes. That said, we need to recognize that both sales and coaching are essential functions in our society. The vast majority of sales people are honest decent people who perform a needed service, helping us get to things and services that we want or need. You want to be one of those people. Otherwise, no one gets coached.\n\n<strong>Anxiety: </strong>Once we give up discriminatory attitudes about sales, we get to the real issue. Selling can be scary. Well sure! There are reasons selling is scary to most of us, but they can be dealt with.\n<ul>\n 	<li>People are usually afraid of doing things that they don’t know how to do. Ethical selling involves a skill set that can be learned. It actually calls on many of the same skills you use in coaching. You’ll see that as you read further.</li>\n</ul>\n&nbsp;\n<ul>\n 	<li>No one likes rejection, an almost certain outcome in many sales situations. When someone declines an offer of coaching, it is very tempting to take it personally. It becomes an ego threat. We may say things to ourselves like, “Maybe what I have to offer isn’t worth as much as I thought.” “Maybe I’m not as good as I thought.” “I thought they liked me.”</li>\n</ul>\nIn reality, there are many, many reasons a potential client would decline your offer, and very few of them have to do with you. It might be the wrong time. It might be that they have different needs. It might be that their resources are already committed elsewhere. It may be that someone higher up in the organization has a relationship with a different coach or has different priorities. We could go on and on. The anxiety you feel over taking it personally may have been appropriate in high school dating situations. It doesn’t fit the reality of sales.\n\nThere are two steps that will get you more comfortable with selling –1) reframing, and 2) skill development.\n\n<strong>Reframing: </strong>Let’s say that you have done effective marketing by using the Six Steps presented in the previous blog post. It worked! Someone wants to meet with you. Yippee! But the closer you get to the meeting, the more you sweat. How would you work with coaching clients who are facing a stressful task? You would probably help them think about the event differently, i.e., you would help them reframe. Do the same for yourself.\n\nYou don’t like selling. But I bet you do like having conversations with interesting people. You want to do it for a living. That’s all you have to do in this upcoming meeting, have a conversation. Let go of the performance demand of “closing the deal.” It might happen, though rarely in a first conversation. And it might not happen at all. I’ve had plenty of “sales calls” that didn’t result in a contract. But almost universally, I’ve enjoyed talking with the interesting people in those meetings. They are typically smart and have interesting challenges to discuss. You will learn something. Stop using the term “sales call” in your head, and start using the term “conversation.”\n\nWhile you are at it, reframe your expectations. No one makes a sale every time. I tell my coaching trainees that it’s like bass fishing. You throw a lure out and reel it back in many times <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1329\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1111779815-bass-fishing-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"270\" height=\"180\" />without getting a strike. That doesn’t make you a lousy bass fisher. It is just the nature of the process. If you expect to make a sale every time, your performance anxiety will go through the roof.\n\nFinally, reframe what you expect to happen in the meeting. Most successful coaching contracts require multiple meetings and multiple contacts. Potential customers have to get to know you and trust you before they are going to put the welfare of their leadership in your hands.\n\n<strong>Skills: </strong>You know more about sales skills than you think. Most are based in Emotional Intelligence (EQ), specifically three EQ skills – Empathy, Reality Testing, and Assertiveness. You probably help your coaching clients use these skills all the time. When you use them with prospective clients, you are likely to create a mutually desirable win/win outcome.\n\n<em>Empathy: </em>Use empathy to develop hypotheses about what your prospect needs, that is, how you can help them and their organization. Before you even go near their office, research their<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1330\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1727257906-listening-for-what-they-need-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"265\" height=\"177\" /> company. Find out as much as you can about their business, their industry, and the people themselves. In the meeting, ask good questions to uncover what they really care about, their issues of urgent concern. For example, you might ask such things as:\n<ul>\n 	<li>“Tell me about your business.”</li>\n 	<li>“You’re busy. What led you to feel that getting together might be useful?”</li>\n 	<li>“What are the key challenges your company faces these days?”</li>\n 	<li>“If you were to hire a coach, what outcomes would make you feel it was worth the time, effort, and money?”</li>\n</ul>\n<em>Reality Testing: </em>The answers to such questions will lead you to develop ideas about what might be useful to your prospect. Now ask questions to test whether your ideas are on target. For example: “I think I’m hearing you say that your middle level leaders keep themselves too busy doing actual work rather than leading the people under them to do the work. You want them to lead more and work less. Is that right?”\n\n<em>Assertiveness: </em>This is the skill needed to ensure that you win also. There are certain conditions that need to be satisfied for this to be a good contract for you. Examples include:\n<ul>\n 	<li>Will the company give you sufficient time and resources to provide effective services?</li>\n 	<li>Will the company honor the need for confidentiality?</li>\n 	<li>Will the company pay you an appropriate fee?</li>\n</ul>\nA final skill for us to consider in this limited space is understanding the dynamics of the potential client organization with regard to the buying decision. You will have been brought into initial meetings by someone who is reasonably favorable to a contract. Let’s call that person your sponsor. But they may not be the decision maker. You need to know who the real decision maker is so that you can get in front of that person. Further, decision making may be shared. There may be what is called an economic buyer. That’s the person counting the beans of your proposed project. There may also be a technical buyer. This person brings expertise in assessing the potential impact of your work. For coaching contracts, this is likely to be an HR professional or a Chief Learning Officer (or their designees). You will need to find a way to communicate with each of these individuals.\n\nEntire books are written on selling. As a blog post, we face space limitations. If you have a hot prospect and would like consultation on converting that prospect into a coaching contract, reach out to me at <a href=\"mailto:dana.ackley@eqleader.net\">dana.ackley@eqleader.net</a>','No One Gets Coached Until You Make a Sale','','publish','open','open','','no-coaching-until-sale','','','2022-06-20 08:00:47','2022-06-20 12:00:47','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1327',0,'post','',0),(1329,1,'2022-06-17 19:41:38','2022-06-17 23:41:38','','Fisherman,With,Rod,,Spinning,Reel,On,The,River,Bank.,Sunrise.','','inherit','open','closed','','fishermanwithrodspinningreelontheriverbank-sunrise','','','2022-06-17 19:41:38','2022-06-17 23:41:38','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1111779815-bass-fishing-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1330,1,'2022-06-17 19:42:14','2022-06-17 23:42:14','','Mature,Hr,Manager,Listen,Applicant,During,Job,Interview,In,Office,','','inherit','open','closed','','maturehrmanagerlistenapplicantduringjobinterviewinoffice','','','2022-06-17 19:42:14','2022-06-17 23:42:14','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1727257906-listening-for-what-they-need-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1331,1,'2022-06-17 19:42:34','2022-06-17 23:42:34','','shutterstock_1945675531-selling4','Online Shopping on the smartphone. A hand holding a credit card and a hand holding a parcel box. 3d rendering.','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_1945675531-selling4','','','2022-06-17 19:42:34','2022-06-17 23:42:34','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/shutterstock_1945675531-selling4.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1348,1,'2022-07-03 18:24:22','2022-07-03 22:24:22','','Close,Up,View,Of,Young,Business,People,Putting,Their,Hands','','inherit','open','closed','','closeupviewofyoungbusinesspeopleputtingtheirhands','','','2022-07-03 18:24:22','2022-07-03 22:24:22','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1731284125-collaboration-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1349,2,'2022-07-05 08:00:12','2022-07-05 12:00:12','I belong to a local group in my community of Roanoke, Virginia - the Roanoke Civility Project. In response to the toxic divisiveness we see across the country, our mission is to advocate in Roanoke for proven processes required for effective collaboration to solve complex problems. We believe that a renewed expectation for civil discourse in the public square could break the current cycle of polarization and lead to better outcomes. RCP is an all-volunteer organization, 100% grass roots, 100% non-partisan, with no legal structure.\n\nI want to encourage readers to consider taking steps in your communities to encourage constructive and civil discourse. Reach out to a diverse set of community leaders who have earned your respect. Show them what we’re doing to see if they would like to engage in efforts to overcome caustic divisiveness. As coaches, you have important skills to contribute to this effort.\n\nOur group composed an op-ed that was published in last Sunday’s (June 26<sup>th</sup>) newspaper. The paper followed up this past Sunday (July 3) with its own editorial, reflecting on the seriousness of our message.\n\nHere is the op-ed as it appeared in the June 26<sup>th</sup> Sunday edition of <strong><em>The Roanoke Times</em></strong>.\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>Civil discourse in the public square is under assault. The perpetrator? Toxic divisiveness.</em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em> </em><em>Without civil discourse our ability to collaborate with others to solve complex problems here in the Roanoke Valley and across the nation is severely compromised. Meanwhile, <img class=\"alignright  wp-image-1348\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_1731284125-collaboration-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"265\" height=\"177\" /> the destructive consequences of divisiveness and outrage continue to accelerate.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>The goal of this op-ed is a call to action for people who want to build momentum for addressing complex problems with mutual respect. The signers of this op-ed make up the Roanoke Collaboration Project (RCP). We are not seeking monetary contributions. We seek donations of courage and action.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>Psychologist Peter Coleman of Columbia University is an expert in both destructive and constructive conflict. His book, “The Way Out: How to Overcome Toxic Polarization,” shows how outrage lights up the same parts of the brain as heroin. Like heroin, outrage feels good. The pleasure center of our brain sends us out to find more. Outrage is addictive.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>Outrage creates “us” versus “them” thinking. It ignores the mutual interests we have in common with people who may see some things differently than we do.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>There are elements across the entire political </em><em>spectrum that </em><em>have discovered the power of exploiting divisiveness and outrage. They play on those feelings for personal, financial, or political gain without regard to the long-term negative consequences. The media joins in because outrage sells. As a result, all we hear are outraged voices that tend to drown out the civic leaders in the room committed to finding solutions.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>Civil discourse is needed for democracy to survive. “A country divided against itself cannot stand.” Toxic dissent alienates. Respectful dissent unifies.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>There is hope. Coleman’s research validates what common sense is already telling us; the vast majority of Americans are fed up with toxic divisiveness. But outrage over outrage leaves us in the same danger. We need a voice and a strategy.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>Let’s recommit to proven principles of our democracy, such as civil discourse, to break the cycle of divisiveness and outrage. Civil discourse is sometimes emotional and energetic but always respectful. People mutually air their views, often passionately. Participants listen to each other, though not necessarily to agree. Rather, participants listen to understand another human being, rather than to degrade that person because they see something differently or perhaps align with a different political party or belief system.</em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><strong><em>Who we are:</em></strong><em> RCP is an all-volunteer organization, 100% grass roots with no legal structure. RCP is 100% non-partisan. Our mission is to advocate for proven processes required for effective collaboration. We believe that a renewed expectation for civil discourse in the public square will break the current cycle of toxic divisiveness and lead to better outcomes.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>RCP members represent a wide diversity of faith, race, gender, and political views. The group has invested time listening to and learning from each other. Initial feelings of threat in the face of difference melted away. Members don’t agree on everything. The guiding assumption is that no one person has all the answers to the complex problems our communities face.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><strong><em>RCP’s request of you:</em></strong><em> Take a step to turn the tide on outrage. RCP has launched what we call the Collaboration Pledge. Please go to our website </em><a href=\"http://communitycollaboration.us/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><em>CommunityCollaboration.us</em></strong></a><em> to support the cause. We need more people like you to help us promote effective collaboration and “expect better” from those in the public square.</em><em> </em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>Your name (but no other information) will be displayed on Roanoke Collaboration website page to show our community the strength and breadth of reasonable and civil people. Here’s the Pledge:</em><em> </em></p>\n\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"list-style-type: none;\">\n<ul>\n 	<li><em>I believe a commitment to civil discourse will make us a better community. Therefore, I commit to the following:</em></li>\n 	<li><em>I will treat others with respect in my public discourse both in person and online and will not hide behind anonymity.</em></li>\n 	<li><em>I will recognize that people are more than their points of view and have feelings, just as I do.</em></li>\n 	<li><em>I will seek to understand those with different points of view before asking to be understood.</em></li>\n 	<li><em>I will not allow uncivil behavior from others to lead me to respond in kind.</em><em> </em></li>\n</ul>\n</li>\n</ul>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>We look forward to a conversation with each of you. With your commitment, civil discourse will prevail!</em></p>\n<p style=\"padding-left: 40px;\"><em>This commentary is signed by the founding members of the Roanoke Collaboration Project: Dana C. Ackley, George Anderson, Katherin Elam, Jay Foster, William Fralin, Michael Friedlander, Cynthia Lawrence, Lee Learman, William Lee, Chris Morrill, Cynthia Morrow, Ginger Poole, Sam Rasoul, Wayne Strickland, John Williamson and Joyce Waugh.</em></p>\nOn Sunday, July 3, in anticipation of the 4<sup>th</sup> of July, the following editorial appeared in The Roanoke Times in support of our group’s efforts: <a href=\"https://roanoke.com/opinion/editorial/editorial-roanoke-collaboration-project-promotes-mutual-respect-over-toxic-division/article_55244a22-f8c4-11ec-bdfd-c7a06fd68cea.html?utm_source=roanoke.com&amp;utm_campaign=%2Fnewsletter-templates%2Fdaily-headlines&amp;utm_medium=PostUp&amp;utm_content=27570cf95fb26d15deca571ce35e49abef2a982c\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Editorial: Roanoke Collaboration Project promotes mutual respect over toxic division | Editorial | roanoke.com</a>\n\nI hope you will take a few minutes to read the editorial and think about whether your skills as a coach could contribute to an effort such as this in your own community. I plan to announce a free group consultation offer shortly for those of you who might be interested in starting an effort of your own. In the meantime, feel free to reach out to me with any questions you might have, at <a href=\"mailto:dana.ackley@eqleader.net\">dana.ackley@eqleader.net</a> .','For July 4th: A Way To Help Our Communities','','publish','open','open','','a-way-to-help-our-communities','','','2022-07-05 08:00:12','2022-07-05 12:00:12','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1349',0,'post','',0),(1359,2,'2022-07-18 08:00:55','2022-07-18 12:00:55','One purpose of this blog is to provide coaches methods to help their clients build EQ skills, and thereby help clients be more successful. Since we began this blog thirty-four issues ago, we have explored many ways to do so. Some posts have focused on practical methods, while others have been more theoretical.  You can catch up on any that you missed at <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/blog/\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>Blog - EQ Leader</strong></span>, Inc.</a> You can also find a complete program for building EQ skills in leaders in the <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/what-is-the-eq-leader-program/\"><strong><em>EQ Leader Program <sup>2.0</sup></em></strong></a> manual. The manual has been used by coaches world-wide since 2006, and was updated and revised in September of 2020.\n\nToday’s post will focus on building a specific EQ skill, Emotional Self-Awareness (ESA). The EQL manual contains field tested exercises, used by coaches all over the world, to build each <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1361\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_381215281-self-awareness-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"184\" height=\"120\" />of the sixteen skills that comprise EQ. While each skill is important, ESA is particularly so. It, along with Empathy, is a foundation skill for EQ. Other EQ skills are easier to improve when your client has developed reasonable facility with these two foundation skills.\n\n<strong>How I use the exercises: </strong>After an assessment that includes the Emotional Quotient Inventory (EQ-i) 2.0, my client and I have a debrief session, during which we discuss their results. We identify which two or three skills, out of the sixteen, they would like to focus on in their development. Which ones will pay them the most dividends, depending upon their EQ profile and the demands of their current role?\n\nI then provide them with handouts containing the exercise menus from the EQL manual for the skills they select as critical. I tell them that their first homework assignment (yes, I give homework!) is to read over the handout(s) to get a feeling for what will be involved. Then, when we meet next time, we select a few exercises that fit their current state of development, style, and situation.\n\nFor the sake of this discussion, let’s say that my client has decided to work on Emotional Self Awareness.\n\nAs with every menu of exercises, the first page of the ESA handout describes the concept of ESA. The description is structured to help the client be prepared to use the exercises that follow.\n\nHere is the introduction for ESA from the EQL manual:\n\n“Emotional Self-Awareness is the ability to recognize and accurately label your own feelings.\n\n<strong>Introduction. </strong>Emotions express themselves through three channels, physically, in our thoughts, and in our impulses. You can learn how to identify your feelings by paying attention to these channels, as they provide essential cues about what you are feeling.\n\nPhysical sensations - All emotions have some kind of physical expression. Each emotion will have its own way of showing up in your body’s reaction. Different people react to the same emotion with different physical sensations. Some people may feel tension in their forehead while others may feel it in their lower back or with an upset stomach. Many of your body’s reactions, which (up to now) you may have thought were just stray physical events, are actually signals to you that you are experiencing some kind of an emotion. In fact, some physical illnesses result from chronic feelings, such as anger or anxiety, that go unrecognized. The toll of chronic physical reactions accumulates until real damage is done.\n\nThoughts - Emotions prioritize thought. You can’t focus on everything at every moment. What do you select? You focus on whatever is most emotionally relevant to you at the time. Thus, your thoughts can help you know what you are feeling. Here are some examples:\n\nIf you find that your focus is on all the negative characteristics of the person across your desk, it might indicate that you are angry with that person.\n\nIf you find that your focus is on lost opportunities, it might be a signal that you are feeling sad or regretful.\n\nIf you find that your focus is on threats, you might be feeling anxious.\n\nImpulses - Emotions create an impulse to act. You might not follow through with the impulse but you can still notice that you “feel like” doing this or that Here are some examples:\n\nIf you feel like hitting, you are probably angry.\n\nIf you feel like crying, you may be sad or frustrated.\n\nIf you feel like running, running, running, you may be experiencing anxiety.\n\nA good thing about being aware of your feelings is that you can identify your impulses earlier. That way you can have more control over which impulses your good judgment allows you to indulge and which ones are best put away.”\n\nMy clients find this introduction particularly useful. It creates a foundation for understanding emotions which heretofore may have been a complete mystery to them. <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1360\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Module-5-16-EQ-skills.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"183\" height=\"183\" />\n\nYou can get the complete set of exercises for ESA, as well as all of the exercises for the other fifteen EQ skills, in the full EQL manual, or, if you prefer, you can purchase the entire set of sixteen exercise menus separately (Module 5 of the EQ Leader Program).\n\nPlease visit <strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\">The EQ Shoppe</a></span></strong> to find out how to order.\n\nFor now, let’s look at one of several exercises designed specifically for ESA:\n\n<strong>Exercise 4</strong>\n\nRead books or watch movies designed to provoke strong emotions, e.g., books/movies/videos/DVDs that are intended to be sad (tear-jerkers), suspenseful, or scary. During or afterwards, write down:\n\nThe feeling (example: sad)\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\nThoughts that went with the feeling (example: remembering a loss of your own)\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\nImpulses that went with the feeling (example: wanting to go off by yourself or the opposite, wanting to have someone comfort you)\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\nYour body\'s way of expressing the feeling (example: crying or feeling like crying)\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\n______________________________________________________________________________\n\nExercise 4 has been particularly useful for people who are at an early stage of ESA development. It gives them situations that are predictable with regard to emotions that are likely to be elicited. When they have success connecting, say sadness, with particular thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, they begin to “get the hang” of ESA. It becomes easier for them to extend that learning to other emotions.\n\nHomework is an essential part of coaching. No one’s behavior changes in a sustainable way simply from coaching conversations. Our clients need to practice skills in their real world of work. Structured exercises, prescribed by their coach, give them a methodology that works.','Exercises to Build EQ in Your Clients','','publish','open','open','','exercises-to-build-eq-in-your-clients','','','2022-07-18 08:00:55','2022-07-18 12:00:55','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1359',0,'post','',0),(1360,1,'2022-07-15 18:05:34','2022-07-15 22:05:34','','Module 5-16 EQ skills','','inherit','open','closed','','module-5-16-eq-skills','','','2022-07-15 18:05:34','2022-07-15 22:05:34','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/Module-5-16-EQ-skills.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1361,1,'2022-07-15 18:05:44','2022-07-15 22:05:44','','Business,Man,Pointing,The,Text:,Self-awareness','','inherit','open','closed','','businessmanpointingthetextself-awareness','','','2022-07-15 18:05:44','2022-07-15 22:05:44','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_381215281-self-awareness-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1368,1,'2022-07-31 18:35:10','2022-07-31 22:35:10','','Problem,-,Analysis,-,Idea,-,Solution','','inherit','open','closed','','problem-analysis-idea-solution','','','2022-07-31 18:35:10','2022-07-31 22:35:10','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_173563589-Problem-Analysis-Idea-Solution-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1369,2,'2022-08-01 08:00:29','2022-08-01 12:00:29','David Caruso, Ph.D., one of the founding fathers of research and practice with regard to Emotional Intelligence, once commented about the plethora of EQ models and assessment tools: “Emotional intelligence is sort of a Rorschach, it means whatever you want it to mean.”  Got a favorite theory? Call it EQ and make sales, because EQ is hot!\n\nBut those of us who want to help clients achieve sustainable behavior change know that our methods need to have a strong scientific foundation for our work. Otherwise, our efforts become pretty much trial and error. Clients shouldn’t have to pay for expertise without foundation.\n\nThere are three models of EQ which, in my opinion, have made serious efforts to build adequate theory, which has then been tested by rigorous and extensive research. I usually write about the model measured by the <strong><em>Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0</em></strong>, which defines EQ as a set of learnable skills. A second model is, of course, Daniel Goleman’s model. And the third is the model which David Caruso et al developed.\n\nCaruso, working with Peter Salovey, Ph.D., and Jack Mayer, Ph.D., approach EQ from a different perspective, as a largely inborn set of abilities. The assessment tool they developed is the <strong><em>Mayer Salovey Caruso Emotional Intelligence Test </em></strong>(<strong><em>MSCEIT</em></strong>). Jack Mayer once explained it to me this way: “The <strong><em>MSCEIT</em></strong> is like an IQ test, measuring one’s capacity to learn EQ skills. The <strong><em>EQ-i </em>2.0</strong> is like the <strong><em>SAT</em></strong>, measuring how much one has learned.”\n\nTheir model basically asks four questions, ones that I have found very useful in coaching sessions. Maybe you will, too. Let me tell you a story:\n\nSeveral years ago, I had a client (let’s call him Sam) who was a rapidly rising executive in a Fortune 500 company. (He’s been promoted several times since we worked together.) He planned a day long All Hands meeting on a Friday, for the two hundred people who reported up to him. He planned his part for the last part of the day. As you may already be intuiting, he hadn’t thought through how people were going to be feeling by then. I could see him on the verge of having a complete fiasco. To help him avert this self-imposed failure, I walked him through the four questions.\n\n<strong>Question #1 </strong>(which focuses on identifying the relevant emotion in a situation)<strong>: </strong>\n\n<em>Dana: </em>“Sam, how do you think your people are going to be feeling at 3:30 PM on a Friday?”\n\nHis response: “I don’t know. I’d never thought about it. I guess they will be tired, and maybe impatient.”\n\n<strong>Question #2: (</strong>Emotions direct our thoughts. We always pay attention to the most emotionally relevant issue at the moment.)\n\n<em>Dana:</em> “I believe you are right. They are going to be tired and eager to get home just at the time you are going to try to inspire them with your message. What do you imagine they will be thinking about while you are talking?”\n\n<em>Sam:</em> “Probably anything but what I want them to be thinking about. Mostly they are likely to be wondering when I’m going to shut up and sit down.”\n\n<strong>Question #3: </strong>This is called the Insight Question.\n\n<em>Dana</em>: “How come your audience is likely to be feeling this way?” (While the answer in this case is pretty evident, it helps to actually get your client to think it through with you out loud.)\n\n<em>Sam</em>: “The plan I have will put them through a long day, on a Friday. I didn’t even intend to be there with them until my part of the program. When I show up eager to give them my message, they are likely to resent my asking them to concentrate on a complex message at the end of a tough week and tough day. I don’t think I’m going to get the outcome I want.”\n\n<strong>Question #4: </strong>This is the Payoff Question, the one that gets your client headed in the right direction.\n\n<em>Dana: “</em>What do you want them to feel, and how can you influence them to feel that way?”\n\n<em>Sam: “</em>Wow! Again, I’d never thought of it. I want them to be energized by my new vision for our department. I guess asking them to be energized at a low energy time is, well, dumb.”\n\n<em>Dana: </em>“Yep.” (No need to sugar coat it.) “What might be a better way to get them excited?”\n\n<em>Sam: </em>“Maybe I should re-organize the day. I could speak first, setting the tone and laying out the vision. Then the other presenters can build on what I’ve shared. And maybe I should stick around for the whole day to let them know that I’m invested in them and this new approach.”\n\nSam followed his own advice. The meeting had the positive impact he had hoped for. And I had the coaching outcome <em>I’d</em> hoped for.\n\nThis was a situation in which we were focused on the part of EQ involved with influencing others’ emotions. But coaches can use the four questions to help clients manage their own <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1368\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/07/shutterstock_173563589-Problem-Analysis-Idea-Solution-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"235\" height=\"137\" /> feelings as well. In that case, the questions might go something like this:\n<ul>\n 	<li><strong>Question #1: </strong>How are you feeling right now?</li>\n 	<li><strong>Question #2: </strong>What thoughts are you having associated with that feeling?</li>\n 	<li><strong>Question #3:</strong> What is leading you to feel this way at this time?</li>\n 	<li><strong>Question #4:</strong> What do you want to be feeling instead, and how can you get yourself there?</li>\n</ul>\nThese four questions are another tool in the EQ Tool Kit. I hope you find them useful.\n\nLeadership coaching is a complex task, because people are highly complicated, and because leaders must function effectively in complex situations. If you would like a consult around a difficult coaching situation, feel free to reach out to me at dana.ackley@eqleader.net','EQ in Four Questions','','publish','open','open','','eq-in-four-questions','','','2022-08-01 08:00:29','2022-08-01 12:00:29','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1369',0,'post','',0),(1374,1,'2022-08-10 14:55:23','2022-08-10 18:55:23','','A,Businessman,In,Doubt,,Having,To,Choose,Between,Three,Different','','inherit','open','closed','','abusinessmanindoubthavingtochoosebetweenthreedifferent','','','2022-08-10 14:55:23','2022-08-10 18:55:23','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_417005893-leader-improving-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1375,1,'2022-08-10 14:56:00','2022-08-10 18:56:00','','shutterstock_565404874-leaders leveraging2','','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_565404874-leaders-leveraging2','','','2022-08-10 14:56:00','2022-08-10 18:56:00','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_565404874-leaders-leveraging2-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1376,1,'2022-08-10 14:56:14','2022-08-10 18:56:14','','Brass,Steel,Trophy,,Dual,Handle,Neo-classic,,Isolated,On,White.,Trophy','','inherit','open','closed','','brasssteeltrophydualhandleneo-classicisolatedonwhite-trophy','','','2022-08-10 14:56:14','2022-08-10 18:56:14','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_1390807166-reward2-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1377,2,'2022-08-15 08:00:27','2022-08-15 12:00:27','Ever wonder why some of the smartest kids in your class didn’t turn out to be the most successful later on? It’s because intellect isn’t enough. Many otherwise smart people lack emotional intelligence (EQ), the skill set people need to access their own best performance, and to interact successfully with others.\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1375\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_565404874-leaders-leveraging2-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"243\" height=\"142\" />Leaders can’t do everything themselves. They need others to get things done. In fact, the essential skill of a good leader is the ability to leverage the talents and energies of other people in order to multiply their effectiveness and productivity for the company.\n\nBut people who have not developed their EQ skills are often their own worst enemies when it comes to getting things done through others, and are usually baffled by their lack of success. They sometimes feel that there is an invisible barrier between them and their goals that they just can’t seem to understand or break through.\n\nMany of these talented people have attained high positions, due largely to their intelligence and technical business skills. But as talented as they are, they may rub people the wrong way, or bring people down with their lack of optimism. They may be impulsive or inflexible. They may not be able to express clearly what they need from people, or be able to read what people need from them. People may not find them easy to interact with, avoiding them as much as possible. It’s hard to lead people who are running away from you!\n\nConsider the executive team of one of your current or prospective client organizations. Maybe you’ll find a terrific CFO who doesn’t give his direct reports enough information to do their jobs, and who is too stern looking to be approachable; or a vice president of marketing who gets less than she might out of her people because she uses the same approach with everyone, whether it fits or not; or a COO who avoids conflict, and thus allows bad performance to slide until he has to let someone go without warning, opening the company up to a possible lawsuit from the former employee; or perhaps a blunt CIO who doesn’t know how to negotiate win-win solutions when integrating IT solutions into the company infrastructure.\n\nWhile these people have proven themselves winners in many ways, their current EQ deficits limit what they can contribute. And that’s a real shame, because at their level of achievement<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1374\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_417005893-leader-improving-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"197\" height=\"147\" /> and potential for influence, even a small improvement in EQ skills can have a huge impact on their productivity and the productivity of their direct reports, and thus on the company’s bottom line. In fact, the higher up the ladder they are, the greater the potential impact.\n\nWhile there is little doubt that improving the EQ of top leaders can have a huge effect on the organization, there is plenty of doubt about how to implement an EQ program that actually works. If you are thinking about bringing EQ to a client company, be a little afraid. Not because EQ is a bad idea, or because it doesn’t work; on the contrary, an investment in EQ development for your client’s top leaders can yield huge returns. But the devil is in the details, and it is very easy to make a mistake here. Many coaches who have tried EQ initiatives that failed will attest to that.\n\nSeven secrets, had they been privy to them, would have saved them and made them look like geniuses. Here’s the first one:\n<ol>\n 	<li><strong> Prepare the ground.</strong></li>\n</ol>\nFigure out what the organization wants to gain from your involvement. As Stephen Covey said, begin with the end in mind. For example, Bronson Healthcare, a Baldrige Award-winning hospital system in Michigan, had seven high-potential senior leaders it wanted to prepare to be ready to guide the organization into the future, including assuming the high-stakes roles of CEO and COO. The EQ program that would be deemed successful in their eyes would have to produce those results.\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1376\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_1390807166-reward2-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"129\" height=\"130\" />Once you know what success will look like, create interest. Talk about the benefits of increased EQ skills. Make sure people know that EQ training will be a perk offered to those whom the organization has an enormous interest in developing, and for whom it sees a great future. The tagline for my company, for example, is “Coaching Winners!” If EQ training is “where they send the bad kids,” no one will be receptive.\n\nThen help participants get a base line of their current EQ development. There are a few excellent assessment instruments out there (<em>among many bad ones)</em> that you can use with executives to help them learn about their EQ strengths and weaknesses. Do your homework to find one that is based on solid scientific research. The instrument should be standardized, normed, and validated. The one I use, because I believe it has the strongest science, is the <strong><em>Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0</em></strong>. But you may prefer something else.\n\nBeware of subpar assessment tools. Several years ago, Capital One wanted its executives to learn more about their own EQ strengths and weaknesses. A poorly constructed EQ test was selected for use in a pilot project. Its choice was based largely on price, because, had it been useful, it would have been given to thousands of employees. The outcome of the pilot was described as “an organ rejection.” The executives rejected their results, not because they couldn’t handle negative feedback, but because the results were just plain wrong. The EQ initiative suffered a near-fatal blow.\n\nConsider two additional assessment elements. One is a combination of a self-assessment with a 360 assessment, which gives a more multidimensional picture. The other is a combination of a self-assessment with an assessment interview designed to identify the leader’s individual goals. The interview allows assessment results to be tied to participant and organizational goals, resulting in intrinsic motivation for EQ development. A well designed and field-tested interview can be found in the <strong><em>EQ Leader Program <sup>2.0</sup></em> </strong>manual.\n\n<strong>Take-aways: </strong>(A) EQ skills differentiate effective leaders from those who are merely smart. (B) Know what a successful outcome will look like to your client. (C) Be sure EQ training is seen as a reward for winners. (D) A scientifically validated assessment tool will help prevent rejection of your work.\n\nNow stay tuned. Next time we’ll talk about the second secret!','Seven Secrets of an Emotional Intelligence Coach','','publish','open','open','','7-secrets-of-an-eq-coach','','','2022-08-15 08:00:27','2022-08-15 12:00:27','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1377',0,'post','',1),(1383,1,'2022-08-24 17:43:51','2022-08-24 21:43:51','','Front,View,Portrait,Of,A,Happy,Woman,Gesturing,Thumbs,Up','','inherit','open','closed','','frontviewportraitofahappywomangesturingthumbsup','','','2022-08-24 17:43:51','2022-08-24 21:43:51','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_1119652946-girl-volunteering-and-happy-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1384,2,'2022-08-29 08:00:40','2022-08-29 12:00:40','Last time we talked about why the smartest kids in the class aren’t always the most successful. (Not surprisingly, it’s because they have EQ skill deficits!) Then we discussed the first of seven secrets to bringing a winning EQ program to your client company, as it appeared in an article I wrote for <strong><em>Chief Learning Officer Magazine</em></strong>. Did you miss that blog post? Here’s the <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/7-secrets-of-an-eq-coach/?__s=20xl6g32h7dh9g6q0zdd\"><strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">link</span></strong></a>. It’s short. Take a look. Now let’s talk about the second secret.\n<ol start=\"2\">\n 	<li><strong> Make it voluntary/Win Their Hearts.</strong></li>\n</ol>\nPeople, particularly those drawn to be leaders, value autonomy. As a result, getting forced into some company sponsored development program can be an instant turnoff. So it’s up to learning and development professionals, and coaches like you, to make the idea of developing EQ so exciting and compelling that people will be eager to engage in it. <img class=\"wp-image-1383 alignright\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/shutterstock_1119652946-girl-volunteering-and-happy-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"192\" height=\"128\" />\n\nDoes that sound like a tall order? It isn’t, really. One approach is to start with a workshop. Enumerate the real benefits; create opportunities to let executives try out EQ tools on some of the real-life leadership problems they face; link increased EQ skills to goals they already have; make sure they know the training is geared toward the company’s most valuable players - them; and, not surprisingly, make it voluntary — that almost always does the trick.\n\nOh, one more thing. Show your own EQ. Be someone they want to spend time with, someone who is genuinely interested in their success; someone who can be vulnerable themselves, someone who is knowledgeable; and someone who has a sense of humor.\n\nIf managers worry that a voluntary program lets some people off the hook, make sure everyone knows that while EQ training is voluntary, performance is not. What I encourage managers to do is to ask people to attend the workshop, simply to learn what is on offer, and discover what’s in it for them. After that, people can opt out at any step along the way, as long as they deliver the new higher standard through means of their own.\n\nThat was short and sweet! Next time, we’ll talk about the third secret to bringing a great EQ program to your client company.','Don’t force it!','','publish','open','open','','dont-force-it','','','2022-08-29 08:00:40','2022-08-29 12:00:40','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1384',0,'post','',0),(1392,2,'2022-09-12 08:00:14','2022-09-12 12:00:14','In the last two blog posts, we have discussed (1) the importance of establishing, both for the company and for the participants, what benefit they will get from your program, and (2) making participation voluntary, or at least highly engaging. Remember, you can lead a horse to water, but you have to make him <em>want</em> to drink. Today we’ll talk about the third secret for a successful EQ program – Privacy.\n<ol start=\"3\">\n 	<li><strong> Keep it private.</strong></li>\n</ol>\nExecutives who allow themselves to be assessed and developed place themselves in a vulnerable position. Successful change will require them to explore areas of weakness that they may have attempted to keep hidden, sometimes even from themselves. Privacy helps create the safety people need before they can truly engage in assessment and coaching.\n\nAs almost all coaches recognize, assessment results and most of what gets said in coaching needs to be strictly confidential — for the individual’s eyes only, <em>not the company’s</em>. But this is a hard pill for some organizations to swallow. They’re paying for the assessment, and some then feel that they have a right to see the assessment results. The problem is that if individuals <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1393\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/shutterstock_1235902990-safety-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"168\" height=\"168\" /> know that their managers will see the results, they may not be completely candid in answering the assessment questions. The opportunity to get an accurate baseline from which to work is lost.\n\nAt least two budding client organizations put me in this very situation. I had to figure out a way to satisfy the decision makers as well as maintain what I knew was not only ethical but, just as important, essential for success. Otherwise, I might make a sale on the front end but lose repeat business on the backend when my program failed.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nTo solve this dilemma, I turned to a negotiating strategy called <em>Positions versus Interests</em>. The two companies’ positions were to see assessment results. But their true interest was higher performance by participants. Part of the solution was to simply point out (1) how privacy is essential to sustainable improvement, and (2) that the proof will be in the pudding, i.e., that they should keep their eye on performance, not test scores.\n\nThere is an additional step that I highly recommend. Following the assessment, and periodically during coaching, I and my client meet with my client’s manager. I ask my client to give their boss the highlights of what we are working on. By having the client explain, I don’t inadvertently spill something that the client wants kept private. But I’m there to ensure that the client doesn’t “gild the lily.” I then ask the manager to respond with how closely what we plan to work on matches with what the manager would like us to work on. Sometimes these become the best discussions these two people have ever had.\n\n<strong>Illustration:</strong>  A high end office furniture dealer in New York City saw the potential for how improved EQ skills (learning) could elevate sales performance. The organization asked me to plan an EQ program to that end. At the last minute, however, it expressed the desire to view the resulting scores so it would know which employees to retain (selection). I advised the organization that the program needed to be oriented around either learning <em>or</em> selection, not both. The organization went back to its original assessment goal and enjoyed enthusiastic engagement, even by some who were initially reluctant.\n\nKnowing that what their assessments showed, and what they discussed with their coach, would remain private and confidential, made all the difference. It made people feel safe, and thus more willing to be open. As a consequence, the coaching yielded better results for the employees and for the company. It was a win-win.\n\nNext time we’ll take a look at secret number four!','Top Secret!','','publish','open','open','','top-secret','','','2022-09-12 08:00:14','2022-09-12 12:00:14','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1392',0,'post','',0),(1393,1,'2022-09-06 21:30:59','2022-09-07 01:30:59','','A,Combination,Lock,Locking,Device,With,A,Sequence,Of,Symbols,','','inherit','open','closed','','acombinationlocklockingdevicewithasequenceofsymbols','','','2022-09-06 21:30:59','2022-09-07 01:30:59','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/shutterstock_1235902990-safety-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1396,2,'2022-09-26 08:00:36','2022-09-26 12:00:36','We’ve been talking about the seven secrets for bringing a successful EQ program to your client organization. Thus far we’ve talked about preparing the ground, making it voluntary, and keeping it private. Now let’s discuss the fourth secret:\n<ol start=\"4\">\n 	<li><strong> Tackle meaningful issues.</strong></li>\n</ol>\nThe issues that your program will address must be meaningful to both the participants and the organization, not just the flavor of the day. For example, sometimes a boss goes to a workshop on empathy and loves it, and then everybody has to go to empathy school. That is a bad idea, for the following reasons:<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1400\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/shutterstock_1735646630-make-it-mean-something-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"206\" height=\"137\" />\n<ul>\n 	<li>Not everyone may <em>need</em> empathy training. Providing empathy training to leaders already skilled in empathy is a waste of time and money.</li>\n 	<li>There is also an opportunity cost for those people who are already OK where empathy is concerned. Maybe they are good at empathy, but not so good at impulse control. They get upset and engage in relationship-damaging behaviors. They pay for those outbursts with diminished productivity from those on the receiving end. Time and money wasted on empathy training for these people can’t then be spent on what they really need, the development of impulse control skills.</li>\n</ul>\nLearning to change lifelong emotional habits can be done, but it is hard work. There has to be some intrinsic value and motivation for people to keep plugging away at it. Linking learning to individual goals, rather than forcing the same generic training on everybody, is a great way to provide that motivation.\n\nFor example, let’s say a given individual was already a star on the CEO track, but she sensed a problem in her work style. She got results, sure, but she burned bridges while doing so. Many people did not choose to work with her a second time. She asked for help in learning how to read others and manage her impulses as she responded to difficulties. Upping her game on these skills led to a major promotion.\n\nAs always, well-done EQ assessments lay the groundwork for such transformations because you have to know where you’re starting from. In other words, you want to establish a baseline. In addition to such assessments, each high potential should attend a planning meeting where he or she gets help matching individual goals with specific EQ skills, prioritizing which ones to work on, and creating an individualized plan that accounts for all factors required for sustainable behavior change. When executives take ownership of their development plans, and those plans are pegged to goals the executive is excited about, there is a real chance that change will happen.\n\n&nbsp;\n\nNext time, let’s talk about secret number 5.','Make it mean something in real life','','publish','open','open','','make-it-mean-something-in-real-life','','','2022-09-26 08:00:36','2022-09-26 12:00:36','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1396',0,'post','',0),(1400,1,'2022-09-23 13:46:07','2022-09-23 17:46:07','','Man\'s,Hand,Among,A,Large,Number,Of,Open,Books,With','','inherit','open','closed','','manshandamongalargenumberofopenbookswith','','','2022-09-23 13:46:07','2022-09-23 17:46:07','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/09/shutterstock_1735646630-make-it-mean-something-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1407,1,'2022-10-09 19:02:12','2022-10-09 23:02:12','','The,Right,Tool,For,The,Job,Words,In,A,Red','','inherit','open','closed','','therighttoolforthejobwordsinared','','','2022-10-09 19:02:12','2022-10-09 23:02:12','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/shutterstock_155433938-right-tool-for-the-job-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1408,2,'2022-10-10 08:00:05','2022-10-10 12:00:05','We’ve talked about four secrets to a successful EQ development program. To review, you have to prepare the ground, participation has to be voluntary so that people are engaged, privacy must be guaranteed, and you have to tackle issues that mean something to your client and the organization. Today let’s talk about the fifth secret:\n<ol start=\"5\">\n 	<li><strong> Provide the right learning tools.</strong></li>\n</ol>\nChanging deeply ingrained behavior is tricky business. Just telling someone who isn’t assertive to be more assertive isn’t helpful. What <em>is </em>helpful is having the tools needed to make it happen.\n\nOne tool is access to expertise in behavior change, and that’s where you come in. Such expertise is useful in providing leaders with guided practice in EQ skills in the real world, and <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1407\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/shutterstock_155433938-right-tool-for-the-job-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"157\" height=\"157\" /> feedback and support when the going gets rough. Experienced coaches will know how to respond to setbacks, and to ask challenging but motivating questions — and do all of this without creating dependency or discouragement.\n\nOther tools might include information about key EQ skills — what they mean, what impact they have on leadership abilities, and which ones, if they’re lacking, can derail a career. Though intellectual knowledge alone won’t give a person EQ, it’s a good tool in the quest.\n\nFinally, there are structured ways to create EQ-smart strategies for tasks such as leading a high-stakes meeting to get needed results. Goals, logs, and timelines are helpful for charting developmental progress and keeping it on track. There are practical exercises that can be designed for developing specific EQ skills in the workplace, such as those provided in the EQ Leader Program.\n\nMeaningful change is hard. Two additional things can make it easier. One is strong organizational support. If most peers are participating, they tend to support each other. Don’t be shy about mentioning this to your client organizations as you set things up. The other is recognizing that while everyone has developmental opportunities when it comes to EQ, everybody also has strengths. These strengths can be used to help build needed skills. A good coach, in concert with a good assessment instrument, plus effective strategies for practicing new skills, can help participants discover and leverage theirs.\n\nFor example, say your client is a talented CEO, especially skilled in the art of relationships. But he has trouble getting his executive team to do what he needs them to do. Assessment shows that his key EQ weakness is assertiveness. His team doesn’t know what he wants them to do, because he isn’t sufficiently clear. Your approach to coaching might utilize exercises, insights, feedback, and support, all focused on helping him build assertiveness in his real world. The fact that people like him will help them respond positively to his initially clumsy efforts. Over time, he has the potential to become quite skilled, getting the responses from his team that he wants.\n\nNext time, we’ll talk about secret number six.','Provide the Right Tools','','publish','open','open','','provide-the-right-tools','','','2022-10-10 08:00:05','2022-10-10 12:00:05','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1408',0,'post','',0),(1412,1,'2022-10-20 15:33:05','2022-10-20 19:33:05','','Cognitive,Behavior,Therapy,Concept','','inherit','open','closed','','cognitivebehaviortherapyconcept','','','2022-10-20 15:33:05','2022-10-20 19:33:05','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/shutterstock_1105605224-coffee-thoughts-feelings-behavior.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1413,2,'2022-10-24 08:00:41','2022-10-24 12:00:41','Last time we talked about making sure you provide the right tools to your clients in order to facilitate real behavior change. Today we’ll go beyond behavior change, because behavior change alone is not enough. Let’s talk about secret number six:\n<ol start=\"6\">\n 	<li><strong> Change thoughts and feelings, not just behavior.</strong></li>\n</ol>\nIronically, behavior change programs that focus only on behavior usually fail. Change efforts must include attention to the building blocks of behavior — the way we think about a situation and our emotional response to it.  Emotions, thoughts, and behaviors are interdependent. To get a sustainable change in one, you must change the others. <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1412\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/shutterstock_1105605224-coffee-thoughts-feelings-behavior.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"239\" height=\"179\" />\n\nFor example, leaders who believe that people are fundamentally lazy are likely to feel annoyed with them, which will come out in those leaders’ behavior — the way they look, speak, and respond to people. Alternatively, leaders who believe that people are fundamentally motivated to perform will probably feel positively toward them. That positive feeling will come out in <em>their</em> behavior, through encouragement, recognition, and respect. Helping the first group of leaders to change how they think about people may lead to a change in behavior, which in turn may elicit different results from followers.\n\nIn other situations, you might have to focus on emotions first. For example, anxious leaders are likely to be either passive or irritable with their followers. Helping those leaders feel calmer is likely to help them become more patient, and better listeners. The point is that programs that provide access to all three components of human psychology triple their potential effectiveness.\n\nHere\'s  a true story: Some years ago, a particular large grocery store had poor customer service, of long-standing. Behavior-focused programs failed to achieve sustainable results. What <em>did</em> work was creating a new emotional atmosphere in the store, accomplished in part by resolving long-standing conflicts among key individuals. Other chronic complaints among employees were addressed, creating a new belief that management cared about employee welfare. That new belief translated into sustainable employee behavior geared toward caring about customers, resulting in a highly significant benefit to the store’s bottom line.\n\nTo illustrate, when you think about something in a certain way (“Customers are so aggravating! I just got these shelves straightened out and they come along and rummage through them looking for what they want. Now I have to straighten them all over again!”), you have certain feelings about it (anger, annoyance!), which cause you to behave in a certain way (casting disparaging glances at the customers, not getting out of their way so they can find what they’re looking for, not being helpful). Change the way you think about it, maybe through an insight or new information that you trust (“Say, I just realized that if it weren’t for these customers, I wouldn’t have a job!”), and you start feeling differently (“Customers are worth their weight in gold! I love customers!”), and suddenly your behavior is different as well (“I’ll arrange things so our customers can find them easily. “How can I help you, ma’am?”).\n\nNext time, let’s talk about our final secret to a good EQ program, secret number seven.','Don’t just change outward behavior','','publish','open','open','','dont-just-change-outward-behavior','','','2022-10-24 08:00:41','2022-10-24 12:00:41','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1413',0,'post','',0),(1421,1,'2022-10-21 17:04:30','2022-10-21 21:04:30','','cropped-RoanokeVirginia-2017B-watermarked-AGrabler.jpg','','inherit','open','closed','','cropped-roanokevirginia-2017b-watermarked-agrabler-jpg','','','2022-10-21 17:04:30','2022-10-21 21:04:30','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/10/cropped-RoanokeVirginia-2017B-watermarked-AGrabler.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1425,2,'2022-11-07 08:00:06','2022-11-07 13:00:06','<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here is the last of my seven secrets for bringing a successful EQ coaching program to your client organizations: Help decision makers understand what is realistically required so that you can deliver the results they’ve hired you to deliver. Make sure they understand that sustainable behavior change takes time.</p>\n\n<ol start=\"7\">\n 	<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong> Give it time.</strong></li>\n</ol>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Behavior change is hard. Behavior develops over time as the result of experiments we all perform to discover what works. Once we think we’ve nailed it, we hate to give up what we’ve learned.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The behavior of leaders in your client organizations has evolved in the same way that the rest of ours has.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We have all been learning how to relate to the world since the day we were born. We asked for things before we even had the words to do so (maybe by smiling and being charming and adorable, maybe by crying and making a fuss) and we sensed how people responded to us. Did we get what we wanted? If we did, we probably asked in the same way the next time. If not, we changed tactics. Whatever worked became our truth, and it shaped our subsequent behavior accordingly.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every time we interacted with people and succeeded in getting what we wanted, our belief in this truth intensified. Our behaviors and responses became more and more automatic for us, based on beliefs that, over time, became assumptions, i.e., things that we didn’t even question because they seemed so self-evident. We were certain that “Everybody knows you do it like this!”</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once beliefs become assumptions, they move into the nonverbal part of the brain, making access to them difficult. And there they stay, seemingly cast in stone until something powerful enough happens in our lives that hopefully leads to self-examination.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As adults, none of us lives in the same conditions in which we lived when we learned those early lessons and formed those early assumptions. So those assumptions might not be working as well as they once did, and in fact may be hindering our success. But because assumptions are hard to notice, they may still be guiding our behavior, for better or for worse.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The same is true for your clients.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Think of an assumption as an unseen hand that reaches up inside a sock puppet and controls its behavior. This hand has been trained to do things in a certain way, believing that<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1432\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/shutterstock_1690234852-sock-puppet-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"120\" height=\"174\" /> “everybody knows” that this is the “right” way to act. No thought needed.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But these behavioral assumptions, so crucial to early success, can limit effectiveness and achievement going forward when circumstances change. New circumstances call for new assumptions about how to succeed. Just being charming or petulant might not cut it anymore!</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1433\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/shutterstock_1718585938-sock-puppet-deflated-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"238\" height=\"152\" />To improve self-mastery, the leaders you coach will need your help to unmask these hidden hands and replace them with a different source of control — new assumptions (guidelines and beliefs) that better fit the world they now inhabit. Doing so can unlock tremendous potential.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I say “unmask,” because these assumptions are not available to our conscious minds. They are buried. We can’t see them. Your job will be to help these leaders surface their long-held assumptions, so they can question them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Help your client leaders ask themselves questions such as:</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400; padding-left: 40px;\">“What have I always thought about how to succeed, to solve problems, to get what I wanted? Where did my beliefs come from? What problems did these behaviors solve at one time? Are these the same problems I face today? Are the beliefs I once had accurate? How are my old behaviors, based on my old beliefs, now getting in the way of what I want to achieve? Could I experiment with some new beliefs? If I do, what new behaviors might naturally flow from them? What new reactions might I get from people?”</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Next, help your clients envision how they want to be going forward, the way they want to behave that will unlock their next level of potential. Help them visualize the skills that they want to develop, and then create ways for them to practice those skills over and over until they’ve actually rewired the synapses in their brains. Those new behaviors will then become default responses — based on new and better assumptions that guide better behavior and create higher achievement.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let’s look at an example.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">John (pseudonym), a company CIO, was the smartest person in the room, no matter what room he walked into. Yet in spite of his brilliance, he was fired. Apparently, he didn’t treat people very well. John wisely used this distressing experience as a wake-up call.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">John and his coach identified the hidden assumptions that had allowed John to behave badly toward people. His is an oft-told tale.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Growing up, John was brilliant, shy, and awkward. He learned that he could make his way in his world by relying on his intellectual gifts. He did not practice social skills because he found them difficult, and his clumsy efforts often led to painful experiences, not rewards. He learned that if you wanted to succeed in life, it was important to be smarter than everyone else, and to avoid social interactions whenever possible.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once his coach helped him understand where his assumptions had come from, he was able to re-evaluate them. He was able to see that maybe intellect wasn’t the whole story. After all, being the smartest person in the company hadn’t kept him from losing his job. He realized that it was time to take the risk of learning how to relate to people, or at least not turn them off. His coach was able to help him learn some new skills. While even John would agree that he’ll never be named a social star, his skills became <em>good enough</em>. Good enough that co-workers were happy to have him, and his brilliance, accessible to them.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">EQ development can pay big dividends. But like anything with a potential major payoff, the right kind of investment is required. Your systematic approach to EQ development, using these seven secrets, will make the difference in whether your client’s investment will bloom or fade.</p>','Don’t Rush It','','publish','open','open','','dont-rush-it','','','2022-11-07 08:00:06','2022-11-07 13:00:06','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1425',0,'post','',0),(1432,1,'2022-11-06 23:08:58','2022-11-07 04:08:58','','Red,Sock,Puppet,Isolated,On,White,Background.','','inherit','open','closed','','redsockpuppetisolatedonwhitebackground','','','2022-11-06 23:08:58','2022-11-07 04:08:58','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/shutterstock_1690234852-sock-puppet-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1433,1,'2022-11-06 23:09:51','2022-11-07 04:09:51','','Red,Sock,Puppet,Isolated,On,White,Background.','','inherit','open','closed','','redsockpuppetisolatedonwhitebackground-2','','','2022-11-06 23:09:51','2022-11-07 04:09:51','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/shutterstock_1718585938-sock-puppet-deflated-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1437,2,'2022-11-21 08:00:21','2022-11-21 13:00:21','Clients hire coaches to help them change the way they do things. Then those same clients often turn around and fight their coaches, seemingly at every step of the way. What gives?\n\nExperienced coaches, especially those who were once therapists, know that such resistance is simply part of the change process. While you may be frustrated at times by a client’s seeming stubbornness, it helps to know that resistance to change is normal, and that working through that resistance will be necessary for eventual change to last.\n\nWhy is resistance normal? Think about it. If the asked-for changes are to occur, your clients will have to give up something that has worked for them. Initially it had value, or seemed to, or they would not have adopted it. So, there will be some grieving to be done, and some disentanglement. Be patient. It isn’t a reflection on you.\n\nResistance takes many forms. In the past we’ve talked about adhering to outdated assumptions about what works. Today we’ll talk about the concept of sunk cost<strong>, </strong>the sunk cost fallacy, and the anxiety that comes from even thinking about change.\n\nA sunk cost is money or effort that has been spent and can’t be recovered. It is in the past. The sunk cost <em>fallacy</em> is the notion that because you have already invested a fair amount in something, you should continue doing so, even if it turns out to be a bad idea. Finishing a boring book because you’ve already invested a lot of time in it, or sticking out a ball game when<img class=\"alignright  wp-image-1441\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/shutterstock_776561185-watching-game-in-the-rain-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"210\" height=\"118\" /> it starts to rain because you spent good money on a ticket, are examples of times when the sunk cost fallacy comes in to play. Based on a sunk cost, you make a bad decision that does nothing to get your time or money back, and which will cost you more time, and maybe a bad cold. The sunk cost (the time already spent or the money spent on the ticket) can’t be recovered, no matter whether you stick it out or quit. Your decisions going forward will not change the fact that you spent that time or that money. It is not rational to make poor decisions based on a sunk cost. But people do it anyway, for emotional reasons, not rational ones.\n\nBoth individuals and entire organizations struggle with sunk cost, resisting needed change because they don’t want to lose what they have already invested. (Plus, they don’t want to have to admit a mistake, because that might mean that they’ve made bad judgements.) They’ve committed to a direction, so they keep going, throwing good money, time, and effort after bad. How can you, their coach, help? They’ve asked you to, after all.\n\nSome things to consider:\n\nFirst, regarding judgment, it may be helpful to remind your clients that they are in the judgment business. People in the judgment business get paid more than people who don’t have to make tough decisions. When you are in the judgment business, you WILL make mistakes! That’s just part of what leaders have to live with. Once they understand that they don’t have to stick with something just to make it look like it was not a mistake, it will be easier for them not to make more bad decisions based on their sunk costs.\n\nHelp them know that making bad judgments is just part of being a leader, but making irrational decisions based on sunk costs, i.e., allowing the sunk cost fallacy to dictate their decisions, is not OK. It is not, well, rational!\n\nSecond, it may be that the investment or initiative was actually the right thing to do, initially. Quite often, leaders have sunk effort and money into strategies that, at the time, were wise. But conditions change, these days rapidly, making what was once smart now ill-advised. Helping them reframe what they may be afraid will be seen as a mistake will help them be able to move on.\n\nThird, because they have invested time, effort, and money in a course of action, they have come to understand what they are doing, and feel comfortable with it. It has become familiar. Now they face giving up the comfort of familiarity for a course of action that is unfamiliar, unproven, and therefore scary. They become anxious.\n\nPeople’s instant response to anxiety is to avoid it, in this case, by staying the old course. How do you get them to change? Answer: You have to help them become more afraid of staying the course than of changing. As a coach, you have license to ask them hard questions, questions that others around them may not be brave enough to ask. Your asking such questions is a gift to your client. It is a form of telling truth to power without having to say it out loud yourself. If you ask the right questions, your <em>client</em> will say it out loud. Once your client is more afraid NOT to change, the old ways can be left behind.\n\nNow it is time to deal with anxiety. In these situations, clients must have sufficient emotional self-awareness to recognize that they are experiencing anxiety. If they don’t, you may have to help them see that. Otherwise, they may interpret their feelings as a “gut reaction” telling them that they should not change. You may have to point out that while a human’s first response to anxiety is retreat, it is not always the most helpful response, and doesn’t need to stand in the way of what needs to get done. In fact, it can’t be allowed to do so.\n\nNow your task is to help your clients build anxiety tolerance. Then they can look at the change they need to make in a more rational fashion. Leaders always lead into an uncertain future. Therefore, anxiety is a part of their life. If they simply avoid anxiety, they can’t lead.','Sunk Cost, and Other Barriers to Change','','publish','open','open','','sunk-cost','','','2022-11-21 08:00:21','2022-11-21 13:00:21','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1437',0,'post','',0),(1441,1,'2022-11-17 19:40:24','2022-11-18 00:40:24','','Watching,Soccer,Game,In,The,Rain','','inherit','open','closed','','watchingsoccergameintherain','','','2022-11-17 19:40:24','2022-11-18 00:40:24','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/shutterstock_776561185-watching-game-in-the-rain-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1456,2,'2022-12-05 08:00:18','2022-12-05 13:00:18','A world-renowned surgeon once said to me: “Here’s how surgeons build their practices – Affability, Availability, and Ability – in that order.”\n\n<img class=\"alignleft  wp-image-1458\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/shutterstock_1150753898-black-cat-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"177\" height=\"140\" />My daughter went to an animal rescue shelter to get a cat. There were lots and lots of cats.  A small black cat looked into her eyes, reached out his paw, and touched her hand. He went home with her.\n\nOne night I was in bed with a bad back, painful enough to make me moan at times. I retreated to our loveseat recliner. Our old cat, Marble, normally quite aloof, came and spent the night with me. She couldn’t take the pain away, but her presence comforted me. She won my heart that night\n\n<strong><em>60 Minutes</em></strong> recently did a story on dogs: “Survival of the Friendliest.” Dogs descended from wolves.  Tough animals, not to be trifled with. Not the friendliest, by any stretch of the imagination! In many parts of the world, wolves have become an endangered species. Dogs, on the other hand, learned how to relate to humans in a friendly, supportive, loving way. Dogs are <em>not</em> an endangered species.\n\nA couple of blog posts ago, I told you about a man you have all met at one time or another.  He was brilliant but clueless. He used his brilliance aggressively, like a wolf, which got him<img class=\"alignright  wp-image-1459\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/shutterstock_1724495389-girl-and-dog-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"220\" height=\"147\" /> fired. So he chose to become a dog. At his next job, he learned how to relate to people in a friendly way. As a result, they kept him, and his brilliance, around.\n\nEQ coaches help brilliant, talented, productive individuals learn how to be dogs, in the very best sense.  They help them learn how to be affable, to be able to reach out, to be friendly -  essential skills for when work requires human interaction. By helping these individuals learn about how to deal with people, we also make their phenomenal talents available to their organizations, and perhaps to the world. We save careers.\n\nRegular readers of this blog know that there are sixteen EQ skills that make the difference between just being smart and being successful. The two skills most relevant to this blog post are Empathy and Interpersonal Relationships.\n\nEmpathy has two parts – 1) reading others’ feelings accurately, and 2) caring about those feelings. As with those two cats, and dogs in general, these skills are hardwired into human beings, because they are essential for survival. But harsh life experiences often lead people to go against their nature. Those people don’t practice empathy skills, which then atrophy. EQ coaches help clients recover and build empathy skills. Often they assign structured exercises, like those found in the <strong>EQ Leader Program</strong> manual (<a href=\"https://eqleader.net/\">EQ Leader, Inc.</a>), so that clients can practice them in their real world. That’s where true change happens.\n\nInterpersonal relationship skills often become stunted for similar reasons. Harsh social experiences lead many people to avoid interacting too much with others as a way of keeping themselves from being hurt. (How often would you put your finger in a light socket?) They need their coaches to help them discover that most people are kind, worth taking risks with. Then they are in a position to take a chance, to allow themselves to experiment with emotional vulnerability. In other words, they share their feelings with others, and discover that it is reasonably safe to do so.\n\nEQ coaches can provide exercises, again like those in the <strong>EQ Leader Program</strong> manual, that clients can use to practice their under-developed relationship skills. When they can be vulnerable with others, and return the favor, allowing others to feel safe in being vulnerable with them, clients’ professional impact mushrooms. People start listening to their ideas, because it is safe to do so. They allow your clients’ brilliance to become part of the organization. Everyone benefits.\n\nSurvival of the Friendliest. It’s a simple construct, but it’s what separates winners from also-rans.','Friendly Survival','','publish','open','open','','friendly-survival','','','2022-12-05 08:00:18','2022-12-05 13:00:18','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1456',0,'post','',0),(1458,1,'2022-12-04 15:28:19','2022-12-04 20:28:19','','Cute,Baby,Black,Kitten,On,Hind,Legs,Isolated,On,White','','inherit','open','closed','','cutebabyblackkittenonhindlegsisolatedonwhite','','','2022-12-04 15:28:19','2022-12-04 20:28:19','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/shutterstock_1150753898-black-cat-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1459,1,'2022-12-04 15:28:41','2022-12-04 20:28:41','','A,Child,With,A,Dog,In,Nature.,Girl,Playing,With','','inherit','open','closed','','achildwithadoginnature-girlplayingwith','','','2022-12-04 15:28:41','2022-12-04 20:28:41','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/shutterstock_1724495389-girl-and-dog-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1464,1,'2022-12-20 08:00:50','2022-12-20 13:00:50','<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><img class=\"aligncenter wp-image-1466\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/christmas-6781762_1920.jpg\" alt=\"An image of snow falling on an already snow landscape. There are trees and red flowers.\" width=\"361\" height=\"255\" /></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\">Best wishes for happy holidays with family and friends. </span></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\">See you back here on January 9, 2023!</span></p>','','','publish','open','open','','1464-2','','','2022-12-20 08:00:50','2022-12-20 13:00:50','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1464',0,'post','',0),(1466,1,'2022-12-22 17:49:32','2022-12-22 22:49:32','','winter-holidays','','inherit','open','closed','','christmas-6781762_1920','','','2022-12-22 17:49:32','2022-12-22 22:49:32','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2022/12/christmas-6781762_1920.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1470,1,'2023-01-08 00:24:39','2023-01-08 05:24:39','','Excited,Happy,Senior,Executive,Man,Working,On,Computer,Sitting,On','','inherit','open','closed','','excitedhappyseniorexecutivemanworkingoncomputersittingon','','','2023-01-08 00:24:39','2023-01-08 05:24:39','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/shutterstock_266064506-blog-post-46-scaled-1.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1472,2,'2023-01-09 08:00:35','2023-01-09 13:00:35','Today’s blog is inspired by an article in <strong><em>The Atlantic</em></strong> by Derek Thompson: “<strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2023/01/science-technology-vaccine-invention-history/672227/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Why the Age of American Progress Ended</a></span></strong>.”\n\nThompson’s thesis is that, while we worship eureka moments that lead to inventions, those inventions, on their own, <img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1470\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/shutterstock_266064506-blog-post-46-scaled.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"272\" height=\"181\" />don’t change the world. Change depends on whether and how those inventions are implemented, that is, made available to the rest of us. The light bulb and the telephone have no value if people can’t get them.\n\nThompson illustrated his point with the story of the smallpox vaccine. Smallpox was no small matter. It killed millions of people every year for centuries.\n\nEnter Edward Jenner, who, after a eureka idea, experimented with inoculating one boy against smallpox. It worked! But . . .\n\n“Consider the actual scale of Edward Jenner’s accomplishment the day he pricked James Phipps in 1796. Exactly one person had been vaccinated in a world of roughly 1 billion people, leaving 99.9999999 percent of the human population unaffected. When a good idea is born, or when the first prototype of an invention is created, we should celebrate its potential to change the world. But progress is as much about implementation as it is about invention. The way individuals and institutions take an idea from one to 1 billion is the story of how the world really changes.”\n\nEmotional intelligence had its own eureka moment. In 1980, Reuven Bar-On, Ph.D., was a research psychologist at the University of Texas Medical School at Galveston. One day, walking across campus, it dawned on him: “Everyone on our faculty is really smart, but only some are really successful. What makes the difference?”\n\nIn this case, the eureka moment was a great observation/question. To bring EQ to the world, a lot more was needed. To answer his question, Bar-On went on a seventeen year research journey that identified sixteen skills that differentiate high performers from those with high IQ alone. In so doing, Bar-On developed the Emotional Quotient Inventory (now the <strong><em>EQ-I 2.0</em></strong>).\n\nBut the test wasn’t enough either. This is where implementation comes in. It started with Steve Stein, Ph.D., president of <strong><em>MHS</em></strong>, a psychological test publisher in Toronto. Stein saw the vast potential that several other test publishers had missed. He published the original test in 1997, and his company has been implementing enthusiastically every since.\n\nI became an implementer as well. Steve’s company and I worked closely together to create the <strong><em>EQ Leader Program</em></strong>, the first comprehensive program to build EQ skills in leaders. Originally published by <strong><em>MHS</em></strong> in 2006, the updated (2020) program is now available <a href=\"https://www.etsy.com/listing/1093121256/the-eq-leader-program-20?click_key=667cc1a9ad55adcc0f9a4930b7d99723c3a30cfa%3A1093121256&amp;click_sum=9811c6b9&amp;ref=shop_home_active_1\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">here</span></strong></a>.  It has been used by coaches worldwide to implement Bar-On’s eureka discovery. The program gives coaches concrete ways to take cohorts of leaders through a process that guides their EQ development, creating increases in successful leadership across entire organizations. You can also purchase the <strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https://www.etsy.com/listing/1101881331/eq-skill-building-exercises-module-5?click_key=7ff6dcca359f8001b3cfeb710b0e12d5d1067eb1%3A1101881331&amp;click_sum=cf5034e5&amp;ref=shop_home_active_2\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">exercises</a></span></strong> for the sixteen skills separately.\n\nThe EQ story illustrates how coaches matter. As a coach, you are in a position to a<em>pply</em> the discoveries that pioneering behavioral scientists make. If you don’t, those discoveries will sit in dusty dissertations and journals, doing little good for humanity.\n\nPeople need what you know. It is your responsibility to make your knowledge about people, and how to lead people, available to those who need that information. In the final analysis, that is pretty much everyone. It isn’t just leaders who benefit from your work. The followers of everyone you successfully coach are beneficiaries as well. As a holder of this knowledge, you have an opportunity and a responsibility to your clients, their followers, and their organizations, to help them integrate life lessons often otherwise unavailable.\n\nWhat if Jenner’s smallpox vaccine had been left unimplemented? You and I might not be here today. It might have been our own ancestors who got “taken out” by smallpox. Thank goodness someone found ways to get the smallpox vaccine into the world! Let’s do the same with our behavioral insights.\n\nWe hope you enjoyed the holidays. We did, including taking a break. Now we’re ready for the new year, and we look forward to sharing our thoughts about coaching with you. Thank you for your interest.','How Coaches Matter','','publish','open','open','','how-coaches-matter','','','2023-01-09 08:00:35','2023-01-09 13:00:35','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1472',0,'post','',0),(1475,1,'2023-01-20 18:24:42','2023-01-20 23:24:42','','Loving,Money','','inherit','open','closed','','lovingmoney','','','2023-01-20 18:24:42','2023-01-20 23:24:42','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/shutterstock_124140703-Ben-Franklin-with-lipstick-kiss-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1476,2,'2023-01-23 08:00:03','2023-01-23 13:00:03','In this blog, I like to offer practical ideas for coaches, mixed with challenges to experiment with thinking differently. Come to think of it, that’s what I do with my coaching clients as well. Today I’m focused on challenging some of our thinking about money.\n\nLet me be clear. I like money. I like having enough money socked away to be confident that my wife and I will be comfortable now and later. It is calming. While we don’t have lavish tastes, we enjoy an upper middle-class lifestyle.\n\nFurther, money does a lot of good in the world. It provides safety. It provides access to good healthcare, for example, and not just by allowing people to pay for it. It allows hospitals to be able to stay in business, medical schools to be built and function, roads to be built so that we can <em>get</em> to hospitals, cars to be available to get us there, and so forth. And money allows us to do research so that we are not stuck in yesterday’s knowledge. Money is good.\n\nIt is the<em> <strong>love of or addiction to money</strong> </em>that is problematic. <img class=\"alignright  wp-image-1475\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/shutterstock_124140703-Ben-Franklin-with-lipstick-kiss-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"261\" height=\"174\" />\n\nHow much money is too much, indicative of addiction? It is not for you or me to say how much money is enough for someone. To draw a comparison, it doesn’t work to set an arbitrary limit on how much alcohol is too much. It is different for different people. A more useful criteria is how alcohol impacts one’s health and behavior. When alcohol leads to bad health or bad behavior, it is likely a sign of addiction. (Otherwise, why would someone keep doing something that leads to bad results?) In the same way, we can define money addiction by how money impacts an individual’s or an organization’s health and behavior.\n\nConsider these examples:\n<ul>\n 	<li>When a social media company knowingly, in the name of profit, engages in behavior that actively encourages thirteen- year-olds to suicide, that is money addiction.</li>\n 	<li>When insurance companies sell products such as Medicare Advantage policies that don’t deliver on their promises and take advantage of people too unsophisticated to see through the marketing hype, that is money addiction. <strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><a href=\"https://www.rawstory.com/commentary/wendell-potter/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">https://www.rawstory.com/commentary/wendell-potter/</a></span></strong></li>\n 	<li>When healthcare becomes more about profit than patient care, that is money addiction. (Currently, the least powerful person in the US healthcare system is the patient.)</li>\n 	<li>When companies make obscene profits, on the backs of everyone else, justified by saying, “We’re responsible to our shareholders,” which of course includes top executives, that is money addiction. Shareholders do need to be taken care of. But so do our communities.</li>\n</ul>\nEach of us has two sets of responsibilities. On the one hand, we have a responsibility to take care of ourselves. Otherwise, someone else is likely to have to step in to do it because we have been irresponsible.\n\nBut we also have a responsibility to each other, to be responsible to our families, work teams, organizations, communities, countries, and the human race. Addiction of all forms impairs our ability to take care of this set of responsibilities. When our love of money actively harms others, addiction may be at play.\n\nFundamentally, then, money addiction can be recognized when the pursuit of money overtakes our moral responsibilities to others.\n\nWhat has this got to do with coaching? You have, or are going to have, clients who are money addicted, and/or whose employing organizations are money addicted. How will you respond? Your client and the organization are likely to be in denial. Addicts usually are.\n\nAs coaches, we have a responsibility to stand outside the client organization’s culture to avoid being blinded by it. Only then can we help our clients wrestle with these difficult issues. When we do, when we challenge thinking and challenge assumptions, we serve our clients, our client’s employer, and society.\n\nA recent report (<a href=\"https://www.edelman.com/sites/g/files/aatuss191/files/2023-01/2023%20Edelman%20Trust%20Barometer%20Global%20Report.pdf\">2023 Edelman Trust Barometer</a>) showed that, in the US, and internationally, business is trusted more than government, the media, and NGOs. Society needs trustable leaders. When a society loses trust in leadership, toxic polarization follows. Everybody loses. War is the ultimate expression of the absence of trust.\n\nMany of you coach business leaders. While you can’t impose your moral values on your clients, you can ask them questions and make observations that help them struggle with balancing self-interest with other-interest. Is it risky? Yes. True coaching is inherently risky. But you are in a position to encourage the companies you coach to become good corporate citizens. Turns out, that’s good for everybody.','Money Addiction','','publish','open','open','','money-addiction','','','2023-01-23 08:00:03','2023-01-23 13:00:03','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1476',0,'post','',0),(1488,1,'2023-01-30 18:04:21','2023-01-30 23:04:21','','EQL_FlashDrive','','inherit','open','closed','','eql_flashdrive','','','2023-01-30 18:04:21','2023-01-30 23:04:21','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/EQL_FlashDrive.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1499,2,'2023-02-06 08:00:33','2023-02-06 13:00:33','Entrepreneurs are a special breed, and they need you. Here’s proof:\n\nA rigorous 2020 meta-analytical study found that both IQ and EQ are essential for entrepreneurial success. But the review found that EQ’s impact is twice that of IQ’s impact, a finding that surprised even me. To be clear, IQ still matters for these special people to be successful. As they say, you can’t fix stupid. But EQ skills are even more impactful. Double, in fact.\n\nLet’s get the science out of the way. The authors of this meta-analysis looked at 6,919 studies that might be able to shed light on the relative weight of IQ and EQ in entrepreneurial success. Using strict criteria, they winnowed that number down to 40 studies that could add valid insights. These 40 studies combined to provide 65,826 “observations” (think subjects). Quite a large sample size! And the authors’ statistical analysis was exacting.\n\nNow let’s consider some relevant questions:\n\n<strong>Who are entrepreneurs? </strong>\n\n<em>Oxford Languages</em> says an entrepreneur is “a person who organizes and operates a business or businesses, taking on greater than normal financial risks in order to do so.” Merriam Webster says an entrepreneur is “A person who starts a business and is willing to risk loss in order to make money.”\n\nThat’s a start. Now begin to think about who you know who is an entrepreneur. I suggest that you use a broad view of these definitions to accurately identify potential entrepreneur<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1501\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/shutterstock_1109850530-Lemonade-stand-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"296\" height=\"197\" /> clients. Bill Gates was an entrepreneur when he started Microsoft. Joe the plumber is an entrepreneur if he started his own plumbing business. A farmer in Mozambique may be an entrepreneur. You are an entrepreneur if you own or run your own coaching business. Identify potential clients by looking around your community and network to see who you might now define as an entrepreneur.\n\n<strong>What makes EQ so important to entrepreneurs? </strong>\n\nThink about what entrepreneurs have to be able to do to be successful.\n<ul>\n 	<li>Entrepreneurs take on a lot of risk. Risk generates anxiety. <em>Anxiety management</em> is essential. Without it, budding entrepreneurs will either flee or become cognitively overwhelmed, unable to use their IQ effectively.</li>\n 	<li>Entrepreneurs must be excited, but not <em>too </em>excited, about their ideas, lest they create a business plan that exceeds reality. In other words, they need to <em>manage their emotions</em> and have a good <em>sense of reality</em>.</li>\n 	<li>Entrepreneurs have to avoid becoming too discouraged when problems come up, and they will. Reality based <em>optimism</em> is essential, and feeds the resilience that enables the entrepreneur to overcome obstacles and keep going.</li>\n 	<li>Entrepreneurs must be able to form lasting relationships with investors, suppliers, and customers.</li>\n 	<li>Successful entrepreneurs need to be aware of their own emotions, and how those emotions impact their thinking and behavior. In other words, they need good emotional self-awareness. Otherwise, they may get into the wrong business for the wrong reasons. Interestingly, for many entrepreneurs, profit, while important, is not their biggest driver. Rather, their intrinsic values lead them to start businesses that give them a chance to live those values, forgoing work that might make them more money. Perhaps that is true for many of you. Such values provide motivation that gets entrepreneurs through the hard times.</li>\n</ul>\n&nbsp;\n\n<strong>How Can You Help Entrepreneurs through Coaching? </strong>As you can see from the five points made above, specific EQ skills are important for entrepreneurial success. Your role can be to help your entrepreneurial clients build those EQ skills that may not be strong enough to sustain their efforts. Here is a sampling of things you might do as their coach:\n<ul>\n 	<li>Ask them questions that will help them assess their self-knowledge: “How come you want to start this particular business?” “How does it align with your goals and values?” “What do you see in yourself that makes you believe you can be successful doing this?”</li>\n 	<li>Ask them questions about how well they read people: “What have you seen in your potential customers that tells you that they will buy your product or service?” Remind them that it isn’t whether potential customers <em>need</em> their products or services. It is whether they <em>know </em>that they have a need. Ask: “If they don’t know, what would help them know?” Remind them that such insights will be important if they are going to attract the sustained interest of potential customers. They will also be essential in negotiating win/win outcomes. Then offer: “Let’s look at your observations together.”</li>\n 	<li>Ask them: “Who are going to be the key people in your business network? How will you go about building sustainable relationships with those people? Likewise, who are your potential customers? How will you build relationships with them?”</li>\n 	<li>Ask them “How well do you manage stress? You don’t want to build a business that will destroy you emotionally. Is this an area we should work on?”</li>\n 	<li>Ask them: “Tell me about setbacks you have experienced in your life and how you overcame them. Is resilience (optimism) a strength of yours, or shall we help you build that muscle?”</li>\n 	<li>Ask them: “How would you describe your assertiveness skills? You will need them in negotiating with investors, suppliers, and customers.</li>\n</ul>\nNow that I’ve whetted your thinking with these examples, my guess is that you will be able to think of many additional questions. Go through each of the sixteen skills measured by the Emotional Quotient Inventory 2.0 to get additional ideas. Then consider going to our website to get the one hundred ninety six exercises for building EQ skills. Those exercises will be helpful to you and your client as well, giving you many more ideas. <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/the-eq-shoppe/\">The EQ Shoppe - EQ Leader, Inc.</a>\n\nWe need entrepreneurs, and they need <em>you</em>.','Coaching Entrepreneurs','','publish','open','open','','coaching-entrepreneurs','','','2023-02-06 08:00:33','2023-02-06 13:00:33','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1499',0,'post','',0),(1501,1,'2023-02-04 22:21:48','2023-02-05 03:21:48','','Little,Girl,At,Lemonade,Stand,In,Park','','inherit','open','closed','','littlegirlatlemonadestandinpark','','','2023-02-04 22:21:48','2023-02-05 03:21:48','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/shutterstock_1109850530-Lemonade-stand-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1504,2,'2023-02-20 08:00:10','2023-02-20 13:00:10','Put a frog in boiling water and he will jump right out. Put the frog in cold water and then turn up the heat, and he will cook to death, not noticing the slow change in temperature. We’ve all heard this, but I read recently that this is just wrong. Frogs are smarter than that. But people? Maybe not so much.<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1506\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Shutterstock_249290569-Frog-jumping-out-of-hot-water-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"277\" height=\"249\" />\n\nOver the past three years, COVID has changed our lives, even for those who never had it. The boiling water in this case is the generalized increase in stress that we have all experienced. Stress from fear of an unpredictable invisible enemy. Stress from reduced social contacts. Stress from having to put off needed surgery. Stress from having to teach our kids at home - while working! Or having to go to work, just waiting to get sick and maybe die. Stress from shortages. Stress from seeing loved ones die. Long COVID for some. All this stress is having impacts that we coaches will be wise to recognize and factor into our work.\n\nBut don’t just take my word for it. Evidence of COVID related stress can be seen in lots of ways:\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\"><strong><em>People who manage stress by internalizing it:</em></strong> These people are flocking to therapists with complaints of anxiety and depression. Just try to get an appointment with a therapist.</li>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\"><strong><em>People who manage stress by acting it out:</em></strong> These people are acting out even more - crazy driving, increases in violent crime, increasing behavior problems in schools, etc.</li>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\"><strong><em>Healthcare systems across the country:</em></strong> Among other problems, these systems are struggling with a nursing shortage. Nurses are not quitting just because too many patients died. They are also quitting because, as a nursing leader who works at a top academic medical center hospital told me, they face almost daily danger from patients or their family members who become violent toward nurses.</li>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\"><strong><em>Schools: </em></strong>It is well documented that many children have lost educational progress over the past three years.</li>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\"><strong><em>Public meetings.</em></strong> These meetings, which should be models of constructive dialogue, and used to be, are too often disrupted by shouting.</li>\n</ul>\nThere has been insufficient recognition of this increased stress. Sure, you hear people ask, “What is wrong with people?” Or moan, “The world has gone nuts! Nothing is as it should be!” Or exclaim, “Can you believe that? The vet yelled at my dog! I’m never going back there again!” Or, “They’ll hire anybody these days, just to fill a seat! (On a flight this week, our pilot said we were on our approach to Atlanta. But we were going to Charlotte! The pilot apologized seconds later, but still. . .) So, informally, we’re all well aware that something is wrong. But is anybody who could help actually recognizing it in a formal way and doing anything about it?\n\nOn the contrary, I fear that we have gotten accustomed to the non-medical impacts of COVID on our culture, tolerating the increasing heat without looking for ways to turn it down. Granted, when this crisis began, no one knew what they were doing. In such circumstances, people naturally fight the fire in front of them. In many ways, people have done well. But it is now time to stand back and look at the bigger picture, looking for systemic impacts, causes, and solutions.\n\nThat’s where we coaches come in. It is our job to stand a bit above the fray, to ask our clients questions and make observations that someone in the midst of a fire fight might not consider without that kind of a nudge. We need to help our clients see the bigger picture, because they are in a position, as leaders, to work with the systems that they lead.\n\nI’m giving you a tall order. Let’s consider some ideas about how to fill that order. My hope is that we, as a coaching community, can then share <em>more</em> ideas with each other. We’re feeling the stress too. We need to hold each other’s hands. To do that, please respond to this post with your own ideas. With your permission, I’ll share them in the next post two weeks from now.\n\n<strong>Questions to Consider Asking Your Clients: </strong>\n<ul>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\">If you listen for signs of increased stress in your clients, you will probably hear them. Then you will be in a position to ask something like: “How much of what you are feeling now might be an unrecognized element of the COVID experience we have all had to endure? What is different for you now that was not true pre-COVID?”</li>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\">As you listen to your clients struggle to get recalcitrant followers to do what they need them to do, you will probably hear your clients blame individual personalities. That’s pretty much the amygdala’s first line of defense. Such thinking is often wrong. Consider asking your clients: “What might be going on with this individual? What stresses are they facing that they might not have had to deal with pre-COVID – at work and at home? How is what your organization is asking of them today different from what they may have signed up for years ago?”</li>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\">“COVID has undermined trust in leadership, whether deserved or not. How is this showing up in your organization?”</li>\n 	<li style=\"padding-bottom: 16px;\">“What has been the impact of COVID on your organization? How has it impacted your workforce? What adaptations have workers and their leaders had to make? What are the pros and cons of working from home.”</li>\n</ul>\nThese questions, as well as those <em>you</em> might think of, are designed to shift your clients’ attention from tactical fire fighting to larger strategic thinking, because that’s where solutions are born. (Star performers are those who see the big picture.) You won’t have all the answers, and neither will your clients. But getting them to think about these larger issues gives them a fighting chance to work with their people to come up with solutions that will lower the temperature. Doing so is as essential to dealing with COVID as healthcare is.','Coaching in the Age of COVID','','publish','open','open','','coaching-in-the-age-of-covid','','','2023-02-20 08:00:10','2023-02-20 13:00:10','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1504',0,'post','',0),(1506,1,'2023-02-19 20:41:18','2023-02-20 01:41:18','','Shutterstock_249290569 - Frog jumping out of hot water','','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_249290569-frog-jumping-out-of-hot-water','','','2023-02-19 20:41:18','2023-02-20 01:41:18','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/02/Shutterstock_249290569-Frog-jumping-out-of-hot-water-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1515,1,'2023-03-04 15:32:42','2023-03-04 20:32:42','','Bench,,Green,Park','','inherit','open','closed','','benchgreenpark','','','2023-03-04 15:32:42','2023-03-04 20:32:42','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/shutterstock_426299434-bench-in-green-park-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1516,2,'2023-03-06 08:00:39','2023-03-06 13:00:39','I am, by nature, on the introverted side of the scale. Many coaches tell me that is true for them as well. Introverts find marketing more difficult than extraverts. At least, that is what they may expect. After a career of building a thriving executive coaching business from nothing, I’d like to do a little myth busting by sharing some stories. Introverts can be great marketers.\n\nLet’s review what introvert means. It simply means that we “refuel” by having time to ourselves. Big social gatherings are not our preferred evening out. We like time at home, or with a small number of friends. We are likely to be introspective, a good trait for a coach. (A coach without self-awareness is a disaster.) Introvert does <strong><em>not</em></strong> mean that we lack social skills. We are able to establish rewarding, deep relationships with people. We just don’t have to be with them all the time.\n\nOne of the driving forces for me is that I love to hear people’s stories. I find them fascinating. That trait contributed to success in my twenty-five year career as a psychotherapist, and then in my two decade long career as an executive coach/organizational consultant. I love to hear and think about how people got to be who they are, what resources have helped them along the way, and, with coaching clients, where they may feel stuck right now.\n\nThe stories that follow revolve around my striking up conversations with people to hear their stories. Many introverts feel unskilled at small talk. I can do it. I just find it boring. So this post is not going to encourage you to learn how to chatter. Instead, it is going to encourage you to use skills you already have as a coach by telling you a series of stories. I like to call myself the “master of dumb luck” when sharing these stories, but in reality, while luck is a factor, it is more than that.\n\n<strong><em>The Wedding Planner: </em></strong>Our friends’ daughter was engaged to be married. We went to the engagement party. The parents had hired a wedding planner (WP). I happened to wander into her path, and we had the following conversation:\n\nDana: “What did you do before you became a wedding planner?”\n\nWP: “I still do it. I’m an HR consultant.”\n\nDana: “Huh! I’m kind of in that field. What led you to stop?”\n\nWP: “Actually, I still do it, but I just have one client. It is a healthcare system in Michigan.”\n\nDana: “Really, I was born in Michigan.”\n\nWP: “It’s in Kalamazoo.”\n\nDana: “I was born in Kalamazoo.”\n\nWP: “It’s Bronson Hospital.”\n\nDana: “I was born at Bronson Hospital.”\n\nWP: “What is it you do again?\n\nDana: I told her.\n\nWP: “You’re kidding! Last week I promised Bronson I would find an EQ expert to work with their senior leadership. I had no idea where I’d find one!”\n\nMaybe she was the master of dumb luck too. All I know is that I got a wonderful two-year engagement, starting at an engagement party, and she fulfilled an important promise to a client.\n\n<strong>London: </strong>We were in London for a speaking engagement that we turned into a vacation. One day, we toured the Churchill Museum and Cabinet War Rooms, and then went to sit in Green Park nearby. It was a beautiful day in June. After a few minutes, a man came to sit on the other end of “our” bench. At first, I was annoyed. But good manners got the better of me,<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1515\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/shutterstock_426299434-bench-in-green-park-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"298\" height=\"223\" /> and I engaged him in a conversation:\n\nDana: “Beautiful day.” (I told you I CAN do small talk.)\n\nGuy on Bench: “Yes, it is. Where are you from?”\n\nI told him I was from Roanoke, Virginia, in the US,  and then asked about him.\n\nGuy on Bench: “I work down here during the week and then return home to Edinburgh on the weekends.”\n\nDana: “Oh. What do you do?”\n\nGuy on Bench: “I’m a member of Parliament.”\n\nSo, of course, we chatted about Parliament for a few minutes, sharing that Peg and I had gone to observe a couple of days before.\n\nThen, London being London, it began to rain.\n\nGuy on Bench: “I have an umbrella. Let’s go back to Parliament, and we’ll have tea in the Members’ Dining Room.”\n\nAnd so we did. While that didn’t turn into a consulting opportunity, it came close, closer than it would have, had I not engaged him in conversation. (We did exchange a series of emails.) And it was a wonderful experience, one we will never forget. On that same trip, Peg met Prince Charles (it was 2007, so he wasn’t king yet) for three minutes as he came out of a public event. Right place. Right time.\n\n<strong>The Virgin Hotel: </strong>The workday in Nashville was over. Peg and I went down to the bar to get drinks but it was very crowded. We agreed I would go up to the bar, get drinks, and we’d take them to our room. A man graciously invited me to come up beside him at the bar, making room.\n\nDana: “What brings you to Nashville?”\n\nGracious Man: “I’ve brought my international leadership team here for a retreat.” He showed me pictures of their meeting.\n\nGracious Man: “What about you?”\n\nDana: “I am working with Vanderbilt University Medical Center as an executive coach.”\n\nGracious Man: “We’ve tried to introduce coaching into our company but it didn’t take.”\n\nDana: “That isn’t unusual. It depends on how coaching is introduced and set up.”\n\nGracious Man: “How so?” So I said two or three sentences. We were chatting at a bar, and he was being friendly. This was not a time for a hard sell.\n\nDana: “So what do you do?”\n\nGracious Man: “I’m the president of (insert world famous music company here). I get to meet with stars of our industry. I’m meeting with (insert name of famous singer here) next week.”\n\nWe exchanged contact information. We still keep in touch.\n\nOn that same trip, we also met one of the finalists for that season’s <em>The Voice</em>. All because we stuck our necks out and talked to people.\n\n<strong>Moral: </strong>(a) We coaches are in the relationship business. (b) The best way to build our businesses and gain credibility is through relationships. (c) One way to do that is to simply be a decent human being – start a conversation with someone. As I tell coaches whom I train, you probably missed two opportunities over the past month, and didn’t even know it.','Confessions of an Introvert','','publish','open','open','','confessions-of-an-introvert','','','2023-03-06 08:00:39','2023-03-06 13:00:39','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1516',0,'post','',1),(1588,1,'2023-03-06 21:50:17','2023-03-07 02:50:17','','Cover-Digital-Print-version','','inherit','open','closed','','cover-digital-print-version-2','','','2023-03-06 21:50:17','2023-03-07 02:50:17','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Cover-Digital-Print-version-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1590,1,'2023-03-06 21:51:16','2023-03-07 02:51:16','','Module-5-Cover','','inherit','open','closed','','module-5-cover','','','2023-03-06 21:51:16','2023-03-07 02:51:16','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/Module-5-Cover.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1596,2,'2023-03-20 08:00:09','2023-03-20 12:00:09','(See my challenge at the end!) Twenty-five years ago, I was beginning my evolution from psychotherapist to executive coach. I had a lot of thinking and learning to do. That need became apparent as I tried to imagine going to an organization to offer coaching services. The following very short conversation came to mind:\n\n<strong>Dana: </strong>“I’d like to offer my services to your company as a coach to your senior leaders.”\n\n<strong>Decision Maker: </strong>“Really! That’s interesting. We’re actually in the market. How do you go about your coaching? What is your focus?”\n\n<strong>Dana: </strong>“Ummm.”\n\nIn response to that nightmarish imagining, I did what all of you have done. I thought about what models I could l use to inform my approach to coaching. Which ones, I wondered, best fit what I wanted to accomplish? I had learned as a therapist that having several models in my repertoire was essential, as no one model fit all situations. As a therapist, I could switch from one model to another when that was what the client needed. I’ve found the same to be true in coaching. Otherwise, every issue becomes a nail to be hammered.\n\nThat said, readers of this blog, and my coaching colleagues in the Society of Consulting Psychology and the Society of Psychologists in Leadership, think of me as an EQ coach. Indeed, I adopted EQ as a core offering, but EQ is far from the whole story. Readers of this blog know that it deals with a variety of issues that are not strictly EQ.\n\nThere are two reasons why EQ became my starting point. First, I could see its potential for client benefit twenty-five years ago, verified since by thousands of studies that demonstrate that EQ skills are not just a nice-to-have add-on. They don’t just “help” leaders succeed. They are <em>required</em>, in addition to strong intellectual skills. (You need both. EQ doesn’t fix stupid.)\n\nSecond, I’ve found that EQ skills are a natural conduit to pretty much all of the issues that we coaches talk about with our<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1598\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/EQ-through-it-all.jpg\" alt=\"Text-image. In light grey in the background, it says EQ over and over again. On top of that in black text it says, &quot;team leadership, supervision, culture change, relationships presentations&quot;.\" width=\"216\" height=\"211\" /> clients. In more than half of my coaching meetings, I never mention EQ per se. And yet it is always there.\n\nLet me give you an example: A client took over a leadership team that led a group of 800 employees, after its previous leader was fired. My client was tasked with turning this huge group’s performance around.\n\nMy client recognized that he couldn’t turn the group’s performance around alone. He needed to work through his senior leadership team. But it was a team in name only. Its members hardly knew each other. Complicating the situation was the fact that they had loved the failed predecessor, and were resentful of my client for replacing him. My client and I had a team building task on our hands. So we talked a lot about the skills which high performance teams need in order to be successful, and my client asked me to work with the team to help build them.\n\nHigh performance team models don’t talk about EQ. But EQ underlies those models. For example, successful teams need to have the skill of constructive conflict. Constructive conflict means that everyone wins, that is, everyone gets what he or she needs to be successful. What EQ skills are needed for constructive conflict? At minimum, Empathy, Reality Testing, and Assertiveness. Empathy and Reality Testing are the skills that help you find out what the “other side” needs to win. Assertiveness is the skill that you use to let the “other side” know what <em>you</em> need to win. In the team meetings that I facilitated, I never said something like, “Be sure to use empathy.” The word “EQ” never came out of my mouth. But EQ guided me in working through the team model I was using.\n\nImagine that you are working with a leader on changing the culture of an organization. That is scary work for the leader and everyone else. You need a model for culture change to guide this work. I suggest that you consult Edgar Schein’s writings. He never talked about EQ. But in executing his model, your client will need the EQ skills of Stress Tolerance, Impulse Control, Optimism, Assertiveness, and Empathy.\n\nFinally, most large organizations have a competency model. In other words, they identify skills which the organization believes its leaders need in order to lead the organization’s work successfully. The Federal Government is a great example. The Office of Personnel Management created the Executive Core Qualifications (ECQs), a guide to what is expected of top-level civil service leaders (members of the Senior Executive Service, or SES). As a part of a project I did with the Federal Government, I mapped the ECQs to the sixteen EQ skills. Here is an example.\n\nThe first of five ECQs is <em>Leading Change</em>, which is divided into six components. Review of these components makes it evident that to be skilled at <em>Leading Change</em>, SES members need to be skilled in a variety of EQ skills, as illustrated by part of my map below:\n<ul>\n 	<li><strong>Creativity and Innovation</strong> - Independence, Flexibility, Self-Regard, Assertiveness, Reality Testing</li>\n 	<li><strong>External Awareness</strong> - Reality Testing, Empathy, Stress Tolerance</li>\n 	<li><strong>Flexibility </strong>– Flexibility</li>\n 	<li><strong>Resilience </strong>– Optimism, Flexibility, Self-Regard, Stress Tolerance, Optimism</li>\n 	<li><strong>Strategic Thinking</strong> - Problem Solving, Impulse Control, Social Responsibility, Stress Tolerance</li>\n 	<li><strong>Vision</strong> - Emotional Self Awareness, Self-Regard, Empathy, Assertiveness, Problem Solving</li>\n</ul>\nTest the thesis of this post (that EQ underlies everything we coach about) for yourself: Think about a current client and the issues that you and they are working on. Review the <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/PDFs/16LearnableSkills.pdf\">sixteen EQ skills</a>. Do you see skills that will help your client succeed? If so, you can point them in that direction. Let’s say Assertiveness would be helpful. If they are already skilled at Assertiveness, point out that this is an opportunity for them to lean on that skill. If it is not a strong point, help them improve their Assertiveness.\n\nYou could also try the Competency Model Exercise: What skills does a client organization of yours think are important for its leaders? Look at the <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/PDFs/16LearnableSkills.pdf\">sixteen skills</a> again. Identify which EQ skills are needed for each of the leadership skills your client organization has identified. Showing your map to decision makers turns out to be a pretty good way to convince an organization to use your services!\n\n<strong>Challenge: </strong>Stump the blogger! Send properly disguised write-ups of clients or organizations whose issues you do not believe have an EQ element to our Comments. I’ll try to show how EQ applies. The first one to stump me will get $100. (Purely cognitive issues don’t count, i.e., a math whiz coaching a client on learning matrices, doesn’t get the $100. &#x1f60a;)','Coaching Models and Emotional Intelligence','','publish','open','open','','coaching-models-and-eq','','','2023-03-20 08:00:09','2023-03-20 12:00:09','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1596',0,'post','',0),(1598,1,'2023-03-19 19:09:07','2023-03-19 23:09:07','','EQ through it all','','inherit','open','closed','','eq-through-it-all','','','2023-03-19 19:09:07','2023-03-19 23:09:07','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/EQ-through-it-all.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1628,1,'2023-04-01 14:17:48','2023-04-01 18:17:48','','MotivationalQuotePoster','','inherit','open','closed','','quotemotivationalinspirationexpressionfromfamouspeoplepostervectorprint','','','2023-04-01 14:17:48','2023-04-01 18:17:48','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/A8C23175-05C0-4DA7-9B08-87503D3D0410.jpeg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1629,2,'2023-04-03 08:00:19','2023-04-03 12:00:19','<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In today’s post, I argue that the work that you do has potentially enormous value that you <em>may not yet have recognized</em>.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let’s start with something a bit frightening. (Please don’t head for the exits. I know that there is too much to fear these days, but stick with this post. It goes somewhere!)</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A volunteer in a community organization to which I belong shared this <a href=\"https://www.innovationhub-act.org/sites/default/files/2021-01/20210122_CW%20Final.pdf\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">article</a>. It describes a new kind of warfare, <em>cognitive</em> warfare, which is designed to disrupt whole societies without firing a shot. Then, on March 30, 2023, the Washington Post published <em>this</em> <a href=\"https://www.washingtonpost.com/national-security/2023/03/30/russian-cyberwarfare-documents-vulkan-files/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">article</a>, describing how Russia is doing just that.<span style=\"text-decoration: line-through;\"></span></p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Both articles are important, but are long and not that easy to get through. <em>Here is the gist:</em> Cognitive warfare uses recent advances in psychological and neurological science to create social media, chatbots, and the like, to sow fear and divisiveness. The goal is to undermine the social fabric that unites us. Cognitive warfare tactics play on fears, exaggerate, promote false information that pits group against group, encourage hatred, and so forth. Such efforts can make an adversary weak from within, easy to triumph against.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may be wondering: “What has this got to do with us?” This is not just someone else’s problem. Our nation’s intelligence services work hard to stop cognitive warfare attacks, but clearly, they cannot be 100% successful. Intelligence services cannot <em>inoculate</em> our fellow citizens against hatred and primitive fears. That’s where <em>we</em> come in.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What makes our fellow citizens potentially susceptible to cognitive warfare? Major factors include:</p>\n\n<ul>\n 	<li>A loss of belief in our leaders in general. This happens when leaders think only in the short term, put profits ahead of integrity, and fail to consider the wellbeing of all stakeholders. Cynicism naturally follows.</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li>The erosion of long trusted cultural institutions that housed people with diverse thinking but which bonded them together with certain common values.</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li>The increased sophistication, based on neuropsychology and other science, in the use of fear to alienate.</li>\n</ul>\n<ul>\n 	<li>The loss of a common vision of America in which we scrap with each other but have a shared pride in what America/democracy should stand for.</li>\n</ul>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are an executive coach, you can make a significant contribution to the welfare of our society by just continuing to do what you do. Your work can help your client leaders regain credibility by . . . wait for it . . . learning to actually be credible.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We know from research that when people who work in organizations are polarized, performance suffers, sometimes dramatically. “I won’t work with Sam. He’s a MAGA.” “I won’t cooperate with Bill, he’s a flaming Lib!” As a result, workers row in different directions, and fail to communicate, which feeds mistrust. Then as employees feel alienated, they leave, hiking turnover. Cognitive warfare fans all of these flames.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every time you help a leader be more human, be more connected, be more <strong>trustable</strong>, and offer leadership more worth <img class=\"alignright size-medium wp-image-1628\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/A8C23175-05C0-4DA7-9B08-87503D3D0410-300x300.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"300\" />following, followers have more reason to believe in the organizations those leaders lead, even when people look different, think differently, vote differently, and live differently. In other words, these workers and other stakeholders have something positive to trust, to believe in, making them far less susceptible to the divisive lies of cognitive warfare. Instead, they have people and an organization with which they feel connected.</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><em>In summary, good leadership inoculates people against the psychological manipulation of cognitive warfare. That means that the impact of your work goes beyond the welfare of individual clients and their organizations. It is making a contribution to our society in general. It helps people begin to fall in love again with that old fashioned feeling of loyalty, safety, and togetherness that used to be part of our society.</em></p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It would be interesting to see how our recognition of the potential of this greater contribution might encourage creative efforts that have not yet been imagined, including by me. Is good leadership contagious? Could it help protect us from this new type of warfare?</p>\n<p style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do you think? Have you got a story that illustrates how a client became more credible? If so, please disguise it and share it for all of our benefit.</p>','Could Your Coaching Help Save Us?','','publish','open','open','','could-your-coaching-help-save-us','','','2023-04-03 08:00:19','2023-04-03 12:00:19','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1629',0,'post','',0),(1635,1,'2023-04-15 17:10:00','2023-04-15 21:10:00','','Top,View,Of,The,Working,Bees,On,Honeycells.','','inherit','open','closed','','topviewoftheworkingbeesonhoneycells','','','2023-04-15 17:10:00','2023-04-15 21:10:00','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/shutterstock_104414072-honey-bees-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1636,2,'2023-04-17 08:00:29','2023-04-17 12:00:29','A former coaching client and I reconnected on a catch-up call. It was great to hear how well his career and his life had progressed.\n\nDuring the call, he mentioned that his good friend, Marc Schulz, Ph.D., was the co-author (with Robert Waldinger, MD) of a new book, <strong><em>The Good Life and How to Live It</em></strong>. It describes the most recent findings of the<em> Harvard Study of Adult Development</em>, work that has been going on for eighty-four years.\n\nI ordered the book immediately. The authors present their findings in an incredibly readable way. They also share results from several other longitudinal studies that are consistent with the Harvard results. These are truly powerful findings, as well as replicable – the gold standard of science.\n\n<strong><em>The bottom line:</em></strong> “Positive relationships are essential to human well-being.” (p. 29). I will leave it to you to review the book in order to see all the evidence that shows this to be true. My goal is to take you in two related directions.\n\nFirst, as I have said in some previous posts, it is important for you to know just how valuable your work is to people. If you are helping leaders learn to lead, then you are helping them build their relationship skills. A robust finding in the leadership literature is that a leader’s ability to influence followers is directly proportional to the quality of the relationship the leader and followers have.\n\nThe implication from <strong><em>The Good Life</em></strong> is that every time you help your coaching clients improve their relationship skills, you are helping them live the good life. In the moment, they may be focused on the next promotion or the next huge raise, but it is the skill in building relationships that will be the most valuable to them in the long run. Your coaching not only helps them be more effective, and maybe get that promotion, it also improves the quality (and length) of their lives.\n\nBut wait! There’s more! As you help your clients improve <em>their</em> relationships, you are not just helping your <em>clients</em> live the good life. The people they lead are impacted by having a better relationship with their leaders. That contributes to <em>their</em> good life. The pebble you throw into the pond has many ripples. And not just at work! For example, because my clients take what they learn home with them to their families, I have long enjoyed great popularity with the spouses of my clients, most of whom I never meet.\n\nSecond, you may want to review my posts on the nature of organizations (<a href=\"https://eqleader.net/factory-think/\"><em>Factory-Think</em></a> and <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/can-organizations-have-eq/\"><em>Can Organizations Have EQ?</em></a>). They make the point that organizations, while created by humans, are not human. They have their own nature, one that focuses on the welfare of the organization more than it does on the welfare of its individual members. To illustrate, take the issue of child sexual abuse by clergy. Too often, churches have covered up such abuse, pretending to the world that it wasn’t there. Rather than addressing the issue, they have simply moved the offenders to other churches, where they almost certainly continued to abuse children. In other words, the leaders saw to the welfare of the organization (“We can’t let this get out; it will hurt the church!) rather than to the welfare of its most vulnerable members.\n\nNow consider this quote from p. 30 of <strong><em>The Good Life</em></strong>: “. . . The good life may be a central concern for most people, but it is not the central concern of most modern societies. Life today is a haze of competing social, political, and cultural priorities, some of which have very little to do with improving people’s lives.”\n\nI’m reminded of bees in a hive. It is the hive that matters, not the individual worker bees. I suspect that even the Queen Bee isn’t all that important, except for her reproductive value to the hive itself. It’s not that all the other bees think that she is just swell and want to spend time with her.\n\nWhen an organization devotes itself only to the welfare of the organization, rather than also to the welfare of their individual members, people sometimes get sacrificed. <img class=\"alignright wp-image-1635\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/shutterstock_104414072-honey-bees-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"297\" height=\"198\" />\n\nThat said, there are some organizations in which people feel truly valued, where they can thrive. The organization for which they work thrives as well, even more so than organizations focused only on their own well-being.\n\nHow does this come to be? It happens when the organization’s leaders, the people you may coach, have learned to be human enough themselves to transcend the general nature of organizations. Such leaders have learned leadership skills that see to the welfare of the organization <strong><em>and</em></strong> to the welfare of the people who work for the organization. When you help leaders learn the EQ skill of Interpersonal Relationships, and other EQ skills, you are providing double value. You are helping everyone in the organization move toward <strong><em>The Good Life</em></strong>, as well as helping the organization succeed, that is, be a thriving and good home (hive?) for its workers.\n\nSuch results don’t happen by magic. They happen only when leaders understand the nature and impact of organizational forces, and seek to overcome the dysfunctional elements of those forces. Left to their own devices, organizations will shape leaders to the organization’s purposes only.\n\nThe work that you do helping your clients build human relationships has the potential to be truly transformational, not just for your clients, not even just for their organizations, but, from the ripple effects, for the whole human race, lifting it to its next, hopefully better, level of maturation.','The Good Life: More Ways Your Work Adds Value','','publish','open','open','','the-good-life','','','2023-04-17 08:00:29','2023-04-17 12:00:29','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1636',0,'post','',0),(1783,1,'2023-04-20 15:15:52','2023-04-20 19:15:52','','test-pattern-152459_640','','inherit','open','closed','','test-pattern-152459_640','','','2023-04-20 15:15:52','2023-04-20 19:15:52','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/test-pattern-152459_640.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(1908,1,'2023-04-22 15:39:54','2023-04-22 19:39:54','','vintage-2168174_1280','','inherit','open','closed','','vintage-2168174_1280','','','2023-04-22 15:39:54','2023-04-22 19:39:54','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/vintage-2168174_1280.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1930,2,'2023-05-01 08:00:37','2023-05-01 12:00:37','The man was at our home to service our HVAC system. He was a nice guy who did a couple of extras he didn’t need to do. While working on our system, he made an offhand comment about gun control that runs diametrically against my own view. I made a soft response, stifling what my reptile brain really wanted to say.\n\nLater, as he was leaving, I realized that I had an opportunity. I asked, “Can I ask you a question about gun control? I think differently than you do about it, but I promise that I’m not going to argue with you. I just want to understand.” He responded with a real smile: “Yes, he said. “We can have a civilized conversation, just as people should be able to do.” And we did. He didn’t win me over by any means. And I kept my promise not to argue with him. But I did get what I wanted. I learned more about people who think the way he does. I could see his point of view without making it my own.\n\nWhat has this got to do with the value of Flexibility? Emotional intelligence is the intelligent use of emotions. Flexibility contributes to that in important ways, both on social issues like gun control and at work. Let’s start with social issues.\n\nWe live in a time when conflict entrepreneurs are having a field day stirring up hatred between groups. Conflict entrepreneurs include politicians of both parties who become vote whores, willing to abandon values and decency to get<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1950\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/groups-fighting-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"263\" height=\"188\" /> elected, and many news organizations devoted to spiking drama for ratings (and not just those that get sued for defamation). Conflict entrepreneurs want us to see people on the “other side” as demons.\n\nFlexibility provides a line of defense against conflict entrepreneurs. It gives us the skill to see both sides of an argument, rather than clinging rigidly to one point of view. We don’t have to change our minds, but being able to see the other side impacts our emotional response to a person who may espouse that point of view. It becomes softer. Barely contained rage may become curiosity. More important, with that softer emotion, we can see the person as human. Maybe we even find a little common ground that lets us work together.\n\nUnfortunately, we all have a miniature conflict entrepreneur inside of us – our reptile brain! It sees the world in black and white. Flexibility helps us to overcome this part of ourselves. When we do so, professional conflict entrepreneurs have no power over us.\n\nAt work, being able to see an issue from someone else’s point of view can be extremely helpful. People we work with don’t always think the way we do, or behave the way we want them to behave, and they probably have their reasons. Sometimes their behavior challenges us or gets in our way. This is probably an everyday occurrence for most people at some level. Usually, people successfully overlook minor challenges or work them out. Life goes on.\n\nBut when the threat is more serious, there is a risk that we will react negatively, in a knee-jerk fashion, rather than stopping to do some reality testing to find out why a co-worker seems to be getting in our way. If we have misinterpreted the intentions of our co-worker, our knee-jerk reaction is likely to do serious damage to the relationship.\n\nAlternatively, we can use our Flexibility skills to challenge our primitive reptile brain-based thinking and figure out other possible interpretations of that co-worker’s behavior.\n\nOur job as coaches is to challenge our clients’ interpretations of the meaning of their co-workers’ behavior, helping them to see alternatives that they can then reality test. In so doing, we model Flexibility.\n\nLet’s consider an example: Sarah depends on Sam and his team to supply information which she and her team need to do their jobs. Sam’s group isn’t very timely in providing that information. At first, it is a minor irritant for Sarah, which she overlooks. Over time, irritation grows. Still, Sarah says nothing to Sam about it. Finally, there is a tipping point. Sarah tells Sam she needs the latest sales report by Thursday because not having it will make Sarah miss a critical deadline with her boss. But Thursday comes, and sure enough, no report.\n\nPredictably, and understandably, Sarah is furious. She tells her coach: “Sam is a misogynistic jerk! He hates women and\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-1949\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/shutterstock_1923784994-Angry-Sarah-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"159\" height=\"172\" />\n\nis undermining my work and my team’s work. I’m going to file a complaint with HR!”\n\nSarah’s interpretation of Sam’s behavior could be true. There is an unfortunate abundance of misogyny in the world. A complaint to HR may be justified. But what if Sarah’s interpretation of Sam’s behavior is wrong? She could easily destroy a working relationship she needs, not to mention hurting someone who may not deserve such treatment.\n\nOur responsibility as Sarah’s coach is to help her think through the situation before she takes action. We need to help her have sufficient Flexibility in her thinking that she can entertain and then reality test alternatives. We can posit different interpretations that Sarah’s reptile brain will no doubt resist, but that her EQ brain may be able to consider. To be clear, we are not saying that we know why Sam does\n\n<img class=\"alignright wp-image-1948\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/shutterstock_1923784976-maybe-its-ok-sarah-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"139\" height=\"157\" />\n\nwhat he does. We just know that the capacity for people to misunderstand each other is infinite.\n\nSarah becomes calmer in response to your approach. You and she figure out how she could approach a conversation with Sam. She reports back: “My talk with Sam went great. He and his team did not understand how we use their information, or why we need it when we do. He said that it would be easy to create a process to get the information to us when we need it, and suggested a time for us to get together to work on it.” Coach: “What about the missed sales report?” Sarah: “Yeah, he was genuinely upset about what happened. He told me that his daughter had just had a life-threatening operation, and he has been distracted.”\n\nAs a coach, I have seen this kind of movie play out over and over and over again. Our clients often need our help to increase the Flexibility of their interpretations of others’ behavior before they commit an RLM (relationship limiting move). Be on the lookout for opportunities to help them do so.\n\nIn addition to the process suggested above, the <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/eq-leader-program-2-0/what-is-the-eq-leader-program/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">EQ Leader Program</a> has exercises specifically designed to help your client build Flexibility skills.','Flexibility: The Undervalued EQ Skill','','publish','open','open','','flexibility-the-undervalued-eq-skill','','','2023-05-01 08:00:37','2023-05-01 12:00:37','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1930',0,'post','',0),(1948,1,'2023-04-30 21:57:56','2023-05-01 01:57:56','','shutterstock_1923784976 maybe its ok sarah','1923784976','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_1923784976-maybe-its-ok-sarah','','','2023-04-30 21:57:56','2023-05-01 01:57:56','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/shutterstock_1923784976-maybe-its-ok-sarah-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1949,1,'2023-04-30 21:58:21','2023-05-01 01:58:21','','shutterstock_1923784994-Angry Sarah','1923784994','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_1923784994-angry-sarah','','','2023-04-30 21:58:21','2023-05-01 01:58:21','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/shutterstock_1923784994-Angry-Sarah-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1950,1,'2023-04-30 21:58:39','2023-05-01 01:58:39','','Two,Groups,Of,Angry,People,Shouting,And,Pointing,At,Each','','inherit','open','closed','','twogroupsofangrypeopleshoutingandpointingateach','','','2023-04-30 21:58:39','2023-05-01 01:58:39','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/04/groups-fighting-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(1998,2,'2023-05-15 08:00:14','2023-05-15 12:00:14','How much to charge? <em>How</em> to charge? How do I discuss charges with potential clients? These are vexing questions, particularly for those coaches in the early business-building phase.\n\n<strong><em>How Much to Charge: </em></strong>Please don’t read this post expecting to find THE number. The Federal Trade Commission gets really excited about price fixing. Professional groups are even forbidden to mention numbers on listservs and other mass communication mediums. I don’t think I’d like to have to wrestle with the FTC. But we can talk about <em>how to think about fees</em>.\n\nWhat kinds of criteria does one use to determine a fee? A number of them come to mind:\n<ul>\n 	<li>What is your time worth to you? How does it compare to other ways that you could make a living? To what income level do you aspire?</li>\n 	<li>Consider the time, money, and effort you have spent getting trained. Usually, those years are lost income years. Good training has value. Training gives you the framework to acquire and learn from experience. As a result, you can do things most people don’t know how to do.</li>\n</ul>\n<em>A man calls a plumber. The man looks over the complex plumbing situation for a minute or two. Then he takes out his hammer and strikes a joint once. Problem solved. The plumber<img class=\"alignright wp-image-2001\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_131372429-plumber-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"194\" height=\"129\" /> gives the man the bill. The man responds “Wait! You spent five minutes here, and all you did was hit the joint. How can you charge so much?” The plumber responds: “It’s all in knowing what and where to hit.” </em>\n<ul>\n 	<li>What level of training do you bring? How much experience do you have as a coach? Do you have other work/life experiences that add to what you can do?</li>\n 	<li>What do other coaches charge? Again, you don’t want to run afoul of the FTC. But there is nothing wrong with asking a few of your fellow coaches what they charge in order to get a range. (You can also Google the question. But you will find the reported ranges so broad as to be nearly meaningless.)</li>\n 	<li>What are client organizations willing to pay? This will depend on a variety of factors. Does this organization have a history of using executive coaches? If so, they already believe in coaching and may have an established range. (Some coaches will get more than others.) Is this an organization that is new to using coaches? If so, they are going to depend on you to help them know a fair rate. A coach who was consulting me shared this story:</li>\n</ul>\n<em>A</em><em>n HR VP wanted to engage him to coach a senior leader in her company. She asked: “What do you charge?” He answered “$300 an hour” a little nervously. He didn’t want to charge too much and chase away what looked like a sure sale. She answered: “I can’t go to my CEO with $300. We need to make it at least $500. Otherwise, you won’t have any credibility.” </em>\n<ul>\n 	<li>What is the value of your service to the organization? This is the most important factor of all. It is tricky because the impact of coaching is difficult to measure directly.</li>\n</ul>\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-2003\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_1293789484-Fair-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"197\" height=\"133\" />A senior finance leader in a Fortune 500 company worked with me for about three years. Near the end I asked him the extent to which coaching impacted his value to the company. “Fifteen percent,” he responded. Imagine that his total compensation package is about $700,000 per year. Fifteen percent is $105,000, i.e., that’s how much more value he added to the company because of your coaching. You won’t get all of that, but let’s say you get 30%. The company gets a great return on its investment, and it begins to give you a feel for your impact.\n\nHow does that impact show up? Leaders who learn from you how to improve their work relationships lose fewer employees. (By and large, people quit managers, not jobs.) Leaders who learn from you how to communicate elicit greater alignment. Their people more rarely go off in an unintended direction. Leaders who learn from you how to be assertive no longer operate as absentee managers, i.e., managers who say “If you don’t hear from me, you are doing fine.” They learn to confront problems early and help with course corrections. Their people know what they need to do to succeed. Those who learn improved Self Regard from you have more access to their strengths, and thus, so does their organization.\n\nAs an exercise, go through the sixteen skills measured by the EQ-i 2.0 and think through how improving them will improve your coaching clients’ value to their organizations.\n\n<strong><em>How to Charge: </em></strong>There are a variety of billing models to consider. Many if not most coaches bill by the hour. If they spend 30 hours working with a client, their bill is 30 times their hourly rate.\n\nOther coaches bill by the engagement. For example, one coach I know bills $X for a six month engagement. She and the client set up a regular schedule, but the client is invited to call anytime for ad hoc conversations. Very few clients abuse that offer. They are too busy with their jobs! But the freedom to touch base when needed without being nickeled and dimed appeals to them.\n\nAnother approach is to set up a retainer. In this approach, you promise to make a certain amount of time available to the organization for $X. It is the organization’s job to see to it that they use your services in ways that justify that time and the amount set aside for them.\n\nFinally, as Alan Weiss argues in <strong><em>Million Dollar Consulting</em></strong>, some coaches bill on the basis of the value of their services. To use the Finance example above, your services are worth $105,000 per year, of which you would get a negotiated percentage.\n\n<strong>How do I discuss charges with potential clients?</strong> It’s just business. Decision makers are accustomed to paying vendors. Again, <em>it’s just business.</em> We coaches tend to take money<img class=\"alignright wp-image-2002\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_712434244-figure-it-out-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"171\" height=\"114\" /> way too personally. With that in mind, don’t apologize. Don’t hem and haw. Don’t undercharge (proving you don’t believe in yourself). Don’t gouge. Do your homework. Write a proposal. Outline what you are going to do and how it matters. Name a figure.\n\nAll of this is easier said than done when you are sweating the mortgage payment. But that is your problem. Don’t impose it on your clients by making them deal with your anxiety.','Fees','','publish','open','open','','fees','','','2023-05-15 08:00:14','2023-05-15 12:00:14','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=1998',0,'post','',0),(2001,1,'2023-05-14 15:52:34','2023-05-14 19:52:34','','Plumber,Fixing,Water,Tap,In,A,Bathroom,Using,Hammer','','inherit','open','closed','','plumberfixingwatertapinabathroomusinghammer','','','2023-05-14 15:52:34','2023-05-14 19:52:34','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_131372429-plumber-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2002,1,'2023-05-14 15:53:01','2023-05-14 19:53:01','','Close,Up,Of,Businessman,Or,Accountant,Hand,Holding,Pen,Working','','inherit','open','closed','','closeupofbusinessmanoraccountanthandholdingpenworking','','','2023-05-14 15:53:01','2023-05-14 19:53:01','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_712434244-figure-it-out-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2003,1,'2023-05-14 15:53:37','2023-05-14 19:53:37','','Money,Bag,And,Wooden,Blocks,With,The,Word,Fair.,Balance.','','inherit','open','closed','','moneybagandwoodenblockswiththewordfair-balance','','','2023-05-14 15:53:37','2023-05-14 19:53:37','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_1293789484-Fair-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2056,2,'2023-05-30 08:00:31','2023-05-30 12:00:31','<img class=\"alignleft  wp-image-2116\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_1119911810-human-talking-to-robot-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"225\" height=\"200\" />Are coaches going to be replaced by Chat GPT? Some people think so. In fact, there is data to suggest that within a few minutes of engaging with a chat bot, people get comfortable conversing with a computer. They seem to forget that they are not talking with a person. There are even those people who say that they like the privacy of talking with a machine rather than a person. Perhaps they put stock in Benjamin Franklin’s famous line: “Three people can keep a secret if two of them are dead.”\n\nIs that our future? If so, it sounds discouraging. I broke my crystal ball this morning so I don’t know if that’s our future, any more than anyone else. But I do know that the world seems to be rushing to embrace technology. We ask more and more of technology, and by golly, it keeps getting better, actually doing new and amazing things. What might the next ten or twenty years bring?\n\nBut there is a potential dark side to technology. Actually, the dark side is not technology itself. The dark side, or problem, is <em>falling in love</em> with technology. When we fall in love, we lose perspective. It is similar to the way some people fall in love with money. Like technology, money is merely a tool. But instead of using money as a tool, some people fall in love with it, accumulating it for its own sake. People and organizations who do this are at risk of losing their integrity. We see it all the time.\n\nThere are increasing signs that humans are falling in love with technology for its own sake. They think that because technology CAN do something, it SHOULD do it, even if there are undesirable and harmful side effects. Let’s look at two examples: (1) the way adolescents use technology, and (2) the way business uses technology.\n\n<strong><em>Adolescents: </em></strong>Technology has dramatically changed the social dynamics of adolescence. Teens apparently spend more time hanging out on social media than they do hanging out in person. So what, you say?\n\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-2114\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_1156208407-girl-on-social-media-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"258\" height=\"172\" />\n\nHumans require exchanges with other humans, whether they get them in person or via social media. It isn’t a nice-to-have. We literally <em>need </em>each other for survival.\n\nAdolescence is a developmental period in which a key task is learning how to interact with others.\n\nLearning how to interact with others is a big task. Technology can be a useful tool for helping adolescents learn how to interact with peers, particularly in a world which is rapidly embracing social media. It opens doors for them, and gives them access to interactions with people that many would not otherwise have. One can actually argue that today’s teens had <em>better</em> learn the skills of social media interaction, because it isn’t going away any time soon.\n\nFor some teens, who relate better online than in person, and will continue to do so as adults, social media is a life saver. But for most, social media is not enough. Too many important cues are missing, and too many curbs on bad behavior are lifted. Things on social media are not as they are IRL (in real life).\n\nThe problem arises when these teens fall in love with technology, using it to the exclusion of also learning about in-person social skills. How might this happen? Most teens have a good bit of anxiety about social interaction. Didn’t you? There is a lot at stake. Social media can feel safe, because, in a way, you can hide. You can say and do things on social media without the real-life consequences that happen when people are in the same room. You can learn things about other people without risking sharing anything about yourself. Many teens are drawn to social media in part because there is less immediate anxiety, and a lot of gratuitous information. Anxiety reduction is rewarding, as is access to penalty-free information, which reinforces using social media as a replacement for other parts of life. The love of technology can keep some teens from learning the in-person social skills that they will need.\n\nWe know that if people don’t get the nutrients they need from their diet, their bodies suffer. But if people don’t get their psychological needs met, their psyches suffer. Anxiety, depression, suicide, and acting out are on the rise. You can’t fight Mother Nature.\n\n<strong><em>Business: </em></strong>I booked flights to a family gathering not long ago. Technology made everything easy. I could pick my dates and seats using the airline’s website, as well as pay my bill. But heaven help me if I needed something that their programing hadn’t made allowances for.\n\nThink about the last twenty times or so that you have tried to get customer service on the phone. You call the number. You get the robot. The robot doesn’t offer you the options you need. After going through several menus, you are finally given the option to speak to a real person. Then you hear, “To get you to the right person, I need some more information.” That sets off another round of robot interactions. You spend fifteen to twenty minutes on the phone getting nowhere, when you have other things to do in your busy life. And when you actually do make it to a live person, they ask all the same questions all over again.\n\nTo create this “we-couldn’t-care-less-about-our-customers” approach to customer service, someone had to fell in love with technology – probably two groups. One group consists of people who learned way more about technology than social skills. As a result, they have little if any appreciation for the personal and social impact of the systems they build. Projecting themselves onto others, they believe that “most people just love our system.” Wrong. Everybody hates their system.\n\nThe other group consists of people with their eyes on the bottom line, (probably the immediate bottom line, as they have to satisfy Wall Street every quarter). Their technologists have promised them huge savings. Just buy some computers and<img class=\"alignright wp-image-2058\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_140115808-scale-with-man-and-money-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"264\" height=\"122\" /> other equipment, pay a few engineers, and you can automate everything! You can get rid of all those expensive customer service people! With their eyes on the immediate bottom line, these people lose track of how badly they are alienating their companies from their customers. Even in business, people still need people.\n\n<strong><em>Coaching: </em></strong>What has this got to do with coaching? It is our job to tell truth to power. It is our job to remind our clients who lead organizations about the human elements involved in their business decisions. Otherwise, their efforts to take care of the bottom line by an over-dependence on technology will be short term smart and long term destructive. Reminding leaders of the human element reminds them that they need to contribute to the well-being of humans - themselves, their employees, and their customers. That is important, because when people don’t get what they need, bad things happen. A society too dependent on dehumanizing technology will implode.\n\nRobots may replace coaches someday. They can work pretty cheap and the technology is amazing. The two groups most vulnerable to falling in love with technology may make it happen. If so, they better hope that the folks who do the programming have learned a great deal more about social skills and human needs than has been evident so far. Otherwise, there will be a disastrous outcome. Again, you can’t fight Mother Nature.\n\nThat’s why we coaches need to do our jobs: Keep telling truth to power. Keep helping our clients understand human needs. We need to do so not just to protect our livelihood. That is not a good enough reason. We need to do so for the same reason we coach now – to make organizations, society, and our daily interactions increasingly human. To help protect the human race.','For the Love of Tech','','publish','open','open','','for-the-love-of-tech','','','2023-05-30 08:00:31','2023-05-30 12:00:31','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=2056',0,'post','',0),(2058,1,'2023-05-28 16:12:52','2023-05-28 20:12:52','','shutterstock_140115808-scale with man and money','','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_140115808-scale-with-man-and-money','','','2023-05-28 16:12:52','2023-05-28 20:12:52','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_140115808-scale-with-man-and-money-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2059,1,'2023-05-28 16:13:19','2023-05-28 20:13:19','','Single,Sad,Teen,Holding,A,Mobile,Phone,Lamenting,Sitting,On','','inherit','open','closed','','singlesadteenholdingamobilephonelamentingsittingon','','','2023-05-28 16:13:19','2023-05-28 20:13:19','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_627623021-sad-teen-on-social-media-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2060,1,'2023-05-28 16:14:18','2023-05-28 20:14:18','','memorial-day-3432665_1920','','inherit','open','closed','','memorial-day-3432665_1920','','','2023-05-28 16:14:18','2023-05-28 20:14:18','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/memorial-day-3432665_1920.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2089,1,'2023-05-29 08:00:28','2023-05-29 12:00:28','<img class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-2060\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/memorial-day-3432665_1920-300x206.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"206\" />\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\">We at EQ Leader, Inc., hope that you have\na safe and respectful <a href=\"https://www.history.com/topics/holidays/memorial-day-history\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline; color: #3366ff;\">Memorial Day</span></a>. </span></strong></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\">Our blog will return on Tuesday, May 30, 2023. </span></strong></p>','Memorial Day 2023','','publish','open','open','','memorial-day-2023','','','2023-05-29 08:00:28','2023-05-29 12:00:28','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=2089',0,'post','',0),(2114,1,'2023-05-29 21:10:06','2023-05-30 01:10:06','','Serious,Woman,Using,Laptop,Checking,Email,News,Online,Sitting,On','','inherit','open','closed','','seriouswomanusinglaptopcheckingemailnewsonlinesittingon','','','2023-05-29 21:10:06','2023-05-30 01:10:06','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_1156208407-girl-on-social-media-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2116,1,'2023-05-29 21:12:24','2023-05-30 01:12:24','','shutterstock_1119911810-human talking to robot','','inherit','open','closed','','shutterstock_1119911810-human-talking-to-robot','','','2023-05-29 21:12:24','2023-05-30 01:12:24','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/05/shutterstock_1119911810-human-talking-to-robot-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2241,2,'2023-06-12 08:00:02','2023-06-12 12:00:02','Every coach has to build a book of business, a fancy way of saying you have to get clients who will pay you for your services. So how do you do that?  Building a book of business takes two steps, marketing and selling. Marketing involves letting people know that you have something to offer, what that something is, and why they should want it (in other words, how it can help them). Selling is closing the deal.\n\nLet’s talk about marketing this time. Or really, marketing prep.\n\nMarketing probably makes you think about websites, Google ads, and other forms of communication. But that’s the wrong starting point. Those things are all about getting your message out. But first you have to know what that message is. What do you want potential clients to know that will make them want to come to you?\n\nTo begin to find out, answer this simple question:<strong> “</strong>What do you do?” You might say, “Why Dana, I’m an executive coach! That’s what I do.” And I might say, “Well, that may be who you <em>are</em>, but that’s probably not going to be enough to pique the interest of potential clients. They’re going to want to know specifically what you do, how you do it, how it will help them, and why they should choose you over your competitors, who are legion. In other words, what do you have to offer?”\n\nFiguring out what you offer, preferably in a way that sticks in the minds of potential clients and client organizations, takes a good deal of thought and clarification. Let’s get started with some organizing questions.\n\n<em><img class=\"alignleft wp-image-2309\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_2102020543-focus-on-what-you-want-to-achieve-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"233\" height=\"149\" />What is your mission? </em>This is the “why” of your work – why you are in the coaching business. Organizations often spend lots of time and money trying to figure out their missions. Don’t despair if you struggle with this for a good while. The struggle is worth it, because everything else is so much easier to solve once you get this settled. You have to know what you are trying to accomplish.\n\nPlease allow me to use my own journey to illustrate. As I was getting interested in evolving <em>away from</em> the traditional practice of clinical psychology, and <em>toward</em> executive coaching, I had a vague idea that I wanted to work with leaders to help them succeed. I’d had numerous formal and informal leadership experiences myself, and found leadership exciting. Thus, helping leaders succeed became my “why” – why I was in the coaching business. This was what I was trying to accomplish.\n\n<em>What is your strategy? </em>This is the “how” of your work. How do you go about fulfilling your mission?\n\nAt first, I had no clue how to operationalize my “why” in a way that would build my book of business, that is, attract clients and establish a place for myself in the market. Yes, I wanted to help leaders succeed, but how would I do that? Obviously, I wasn’t the only guy who had thought of coaching leaders. As I said, competitors are legion. But actually, that’s a good thing, for two reasons.\n<ol>\n 	<li>Competition creates more business. If you are the only one with a particular service or product, you have to convince the marketplace that your great idea has value. When you have competitors, they are doing some of that work for you.</li>\n</ol>\n<ol start=\"2\">\n 	<li>Competitors can teach you a lot about your market place – what works, what will flop, etc.</li>\n</ol>\nWhen I looked around at successful coaching firms, I could see that they had created identities for themselves, that is, particular approaches that set them apart, at least a little, from their<img class=\"alignright wp-image-2308\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_561669445-every-road-to-success-cropped.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"179\" height=\"161\" /> competitors. The firms I studied all wanted to help leaders succeed, but each developed a different way of doing so.\n\nDuring the time I was struggling to determine my “how,” (how I would I help leaders be successful) I got interested in the concept of emotional intelligence (EQ). (Given the name of my company, you can probably guess where this is going.) It was clear to me early on, in the late 1990s, that EQ was a skill set that was essential for leaders’ success. Somehow helping leaders get more EQ became part of my “how.”\n\nBut it wasn’t enough. Again, I was not the only one wanting to deliver EQ services. I had to figure out what I could do to create an identity in the market place. What would set me apart?\n\nI saw that many EQ oriented firms focused on delivering workshops on EQ. But history has shown that the half-life of the impact of a workshop is about twenty-one days. Chief Learning Officers were beginning to lose interest in EQ, because they did not see lasting results, despite some large financial investments. EQ was in danger of becoming the latest “flavor of the month.”\n\nI knew that EQ skills had great promise, and I didn’t want the concept of EQ to get lost in the back channels of history. As a psychologist, I knew what was required to create sustainable behavior change – change with a half-life of way more than twenty-one days.  Using that science, I figured out how to solve the problem that Chief Learning Officers had with EQ. That solution turned into the <strong><em>EQ Leader Program</em></strong>. If you have looked at it on our website, you know that it provides a step-by-step science-based approach to building EQ skills in leaders:\n<ol>\n 	<li>A workshop to win the hearts and minds of potential participants (a beginning, not an end)</li>\n 	<li>For participants, an assessment to gather data for planning, and to establish a baseline.</li>\n 	<li>Development planning to determine goals and methods.</li>\n 	<li>Coaching to execute the plan.</li>\n</ol>\n<img class=\"alignleft wp-image-2310\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_2165593153-do-you-know-what-your-customer-wants-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"199\" height=\"133\" />Building a book of business is a challenge that never ends. To start, you need to do at least three things:  (1) Know your “why” – why you are an executive coach – what your purpose is, (2) Figure out your “how” – how you will accomplish your purpose, in general and in detail, and (3) Ensure that your “how” solves problems decision makers care about – i.e., is something people want. To do that, you will have to do research into what decision makers in your target market are worried about, the problems that matter to them.\n\nThat is your marketing prep. Now you are ready to figure out how to get your message out.\n\nThe <strong><em>EQ Leader Program<sup>2.0</sup></em></strong> may be able to help you. You and I probably share some version of the same “why,” – to help leaders succeed. <strong><em>The EQ Leader Program<sup>2.0</sup></em></strong>, used by coaches around the world, can be part of your “how.” Even if you have a different favorite theory (not EQ) about how to succeed, the program is built so that you can customize it to solve problems that your client organizations’ decision makers care about.  And you can use some of the same marketing ideas I used, as well as some of my ideas about selling (see pp 417-433). Explore it for yourself at <a href=\"https://eqleader.net/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\"><strong>EQ Leader, Inc.</strong></span></a> to see if it can contribute to your “how” and beyond.','What Do You Do?','','publish','open','open','','what-do-you-do','','','2023-06-12 08:00:02','2023-06-12 12:00:02','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=2241',0,'post','',0),(2308,1,'2023-06-11 18:22:53','2023-06-11 22:22:53','','\"every,Road,To,Success,Looks,Different\",Text,On,Blurry,Countryside','','inherit','open','closed','','everyroadtosuccesslooksdifferenttextonblurrycountryside','','','2023-06-11 18:22:53','2023-06-11 22:22:53','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_561669445-every-road-to-success-cropped.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2309,1,'2023-06-11 18:23:10','2023-06-11 22:23:10','','Word,Writing,Text,What,Do,You,Want,Question.,Business,Concept','','inherit','open','closed','','wordwritingtextwhatdoyouwantquestion-businessconcept','','','2023-06-11 18:23:10','2023-06-11 22:23:10','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_2102020543-focus-on-what-you-want-to-achieve-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2310,1,'2023-06-11 18:23:45','2023-06-11 22:23:45','','Support,Your,Client,Symbol.,Concept,Words,Do,You,Know,What','','inherit','open','closed','','supportyourclientsymbol-conceptwordsdoyouknowwhat','','','2023-06-11 18:23:45','2023-06-11 22:23:45','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_2165593153-do-you-know-what-your-customer-wants-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2317,2,'2023-06-26 08:00:51','2023-06-26 12:00:51','Leaders’ jobs are confusing, and pretty much impossible. They must do them anyway, and do them with apparent confidence.\n\nWhat makes leadership so hard? Consider the job description.\n\n<strong>Wanted: Leader who can</strong>\n<ul>\n 	<li>Align people who have different ideas and skills to a common purpose.</li>\n 	<li>Select the right people, and put them in the right positions, so that they can accomplish that purpose.<img class=\"alignright wp-image-2320\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_305363006-Leadership-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"266\" height=\"200\" /></li>\n 	<li>Catch people being successful.</li>\n 	<li>Have difficult conversations when things go wrong.</li>\n 	<li>Inspire</li>\n 	<li>Build relationships that engage followers.</li>\n 	<li>Understand how organizations work.</li>\n 	<li>Understand their business and all its component parts.</li>\n 	<li>Manage the myriad emotions that followers bring, arising from followers’ experiences with past leaders.</li>\n 	<li>Have self-awareness regarding their own emotions, and how they impact others.</li>\n 	<li>Have enough resilience to bounce back from mistakes and unfair criticisms.</li>\n</ul>\nThere is more, but you get the picture. Leaders need you, and it’s no wonder!\n\nBut let’s be clear about what they do and <em>don’t</em> need from you. They don’t need you to tell them how to run their business. You are not like a football coach who tells players what plays to run and how to run them. Leaders have lots of people who can help them with business “plays.”\n\nWith that in mind, what do they need from you? Here’s your job description.\n\n<strong>Wanted: Executive Coach who can </strong>\n<ul>\n 	<li>Build a trustable relationship, i.e., one where the leader’s needs come before the coach’s.</li>\n 	<li>Be an empathic and effective listener as the leader sorts through incredible complexity in order to create manageable simplicity.<img class=\"alignright wp-image-2319\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_133171568-Coaching-scaled.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"203\" height=\"203\" /></li>\n 	<li>Ask insightful and challenging questions that help leaders expand their thinking.</li>\n 	<li>Provide emotional support for the courage a leader must have.</li>\n 	<li>Expand leaders’ understanding of human behavior – their own, their followers, their peers, their customers.</li>\n 	<li>Assess the leader’s leadership skills to establish a focus for coaching.</li>\n 	<li>Provide constructive feedback based on those assessments, that both supports and challenges.</li>\n 	<li>Help leaders maintain personal ethics in the midst of an onslaught of temptations.</li>\n 	<li>Help leaders understand the nature of organizations, and the impact of organizations on the people who lead and work within them.</li>\n 	<li>Be a trusted advisor. (Yes, you sometimes will give advice, but only from areas that are truly within your areas of expertise.)</li>\n</ul>\nThere’s more but, again, you get the idea.\n\nAre you intimidated yet? If not, you may not be paying attention. Effective executive coaches can have a major impact on the wellbeing of their clients, and on all of the people their clients impact. Such responsibility should scare us just a bit.\n\nAnd yet it should not scare us so much that our reptile brains get activated. That would lead us to freeze and avoid. Remember, our clients need us. But we should be intimidated enough to commit ourselves to ongoing curiosity, skill development, and lifelong learning about our craft.','Job Description for Executive Coaches','','publish','open','open','','job-description-for-executive-coaches','','','2023-06-26 08:00:51','2023-06-26 12:00:51','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=2317',0,'post','',0),(2319,1,'2023-06-15 12:03:02','2023-06-15 16:03:02','','Circle,Vector,Word,Cloud,-,Coaching,Concept','','inherit','open','closed','','circlevectorwordcloud-coachingconcept','','','2023-06-15 12:03:02','2023-06-15 16:03:02','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_133171568-Coaching-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2320,1,'2023-06-15 12:03:24','2023-06-15 16:03:24','','Blue,And,Grey,Leadership,Word-cloud,On,White,Background','','inherit','open','closed','','blueandgreyleadershipword-cloudonwhitebackground','','','2023-06-15 12:03:24','2023-06-15 16:03:24','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/06/shutterstock_305363006-Leadership-scaled-1.jpg',0,'attachment','image/jpeg',0),(2415,1,'2023-07-09 17:01:50','2023-07-09 21:01:50','Coffee cup resting on porch railing at the Smoky Mountains (source: emilie767 at Pixabay).','Mountain Fog','','inherit','open','closed','','img_7676-2','','','2023-07-09 17:01:50','2023-07-09 21:01:50','',0,'https://test4.eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/IMG_7676-1.png',0,'attachment','image/png',0),(2416,1,'2023-07-10 08:00:07','2023-07-10 12:00:07','<img class=\"aligncenter size-column3-2/3 wp-image-2415\" src=\"https://eqleader.net/wp-content/uploads/2023/07/IMG_7676-1-380x254.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"380\" height=\"254\" />\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\">EQ Leader, Inc., is on vacation, so there will not be a blog today.</span></p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><span style=\"font-size: 18pt;\">We will see you in 2 weeks!</span></p>','Vacation Time','','publish','open','open','','vacation-time','','','2023-07-10 08:00:07','2023-07-10 12:00:07','',0,'https://eqleader.net/?p=2416',0,'post','',0),